A Few Days in The Life...

This is for the Dear Diary... Competition. Please be considerate these are true events.

*Disclaimer
Some of the events have been exaggerated/altered to protect the individuals. Majority of this is real life. However, some stories have had to be changed to stop people from figuring out who these people are. No one in these stories are at a point where their life is in danger. People are aware of their situations. But as said, for privacy reasons stories have had to be exaggerated. Sorry.

Also, there could be triggers in here, so please be careful.

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6. 23rd February 2016

Nothing bad needs to happen in order for me to become bad.

One week I can be fine, and the next i'm not.

When I say it just happens, i'm being literal. 

I can wake up some days and be happy, and I can remain happy for any amount of time, from a few hours to a few months. However, some days I wake up and i'm not happy. Its not that I'm sad. Its more, I feel as though every bad emotion has joined and is taking over my body. And, just as my happiness, it can last for any amount of time and I have no way of knowing how long it will last.

Rather than saying, 'I'm sad.' Rather than saying, 'Things aren't okay.' When i'm like that, i say, 'I'm getting bad again.' Because i'm not sad, and things in my life can be fine. I'm not any one thing. I'm a mixture of things. Most of them are really negative. And I can tell when its happening, mostly, and so, I call it 'getting bad.'

Ive been getting bad lately, I think im almost at the end. But, I dont know.

Getting out of bed for school, even to see my friends, its been hard lately, but I do.

I'd like to get better now. 

But, this is a part of my life. No matter what I do. I'll always have to live with it. I'll find ways to cope, but it will still be here. Always here. Always with me. It's a part of who I am. 

This mental illness is a part of who I am. 

I really hate this mental illness, but I do not hate me.

I think people forget that they're not their mental illness. And so they hate all of them. 

My mental illness is a part of me, but in no way does it define me.

 

Short entry, I just. Wanted to tell someone and had no one left to tell.

See ya

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