Dear diary <3

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  • Published: 19 Dec 2015
  • Updated: 13 Mar 2016
  • Status: Complete
Dear diary - school bullying, rich parents, keeping to herself.
Will there be a happy ending?

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6. Day 5

DEAR DIARY!

My life just screws me over and over again. Everyone either ignores me like I don't exist or shoves me into walls, throws stuff at me and not to mention calling me all those ridiculus names. Did you know that they call me the emo bitching slut? Like they couldn't even find anything better to call me or even learn my name? Oh, that would mean that they should care about me, which they don't.

Just yesterday, the idiot Josh, the star football player threw an entire burrito at me in the cafeteria. One of the few times when I actually go in there to actually buy some food. That was clearly a HUGE mistake. I know I'm not the only person who's a victim to their fun making factory to the war of the clicks, but I'm the strongest one.

There are others who clearly doesn't have the same power of will as I do. Fx Tina, who's a stutter suffer from a strong and long term depression. Mostly after all the bullying she's been through. They've beaten her down, called her awful names and tossed her into dumpsters and shuffed her head into the toilet a million times. I've defended her the best I could, but I haven't been able to save her. For the moment she's in the psychiatrik hospital after several attempts of taking her own life. I feel bad for her, even when I've shut off my own emotions. 

My feelings only get out at night, when I'm all alone. I hate myself, which is one of the reason why I'm a cutter. To get it all out and be able to focus on the pain on my body, instead of the pain inside. I even scream at times, when everything gets too much, but all my parents say when they hear me, is that I should just shut up and face it. There's no room for talking to them, since there's no room for talking about that stuff in this house. Not about anything else than social life and being on top of the social list, which is where they wanted me to be. They've cut me out of their life after I explained to them that I wasn't interested in their life and started to wear black clothes, in the style of punk-rock/emo style. To them I'm a social outcast. A zero. They've even talked about sending me on a boarding school. But that I'll explain another time. It's time to sleep, before another nightmare will begin at school tomorrow.

XOXO - Zoey

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