Dear diary <3

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  • Published: 19 Dec 2015
  • Updated: 13 Mar 2016
  • Status: Complete
Dear diary - school bullying, rich parents, keeping to herself.
Will there be a happy ending?

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12. Day 11 - Peace

DEAR DIARY!

Even though I hated the fact that my parents forced me to go in here, I'm quite thankful for it after a while. The staff takes care of me and notice me, without any bad vibes at all. No one is after me or doing bad things to me and I find it comforting. Even the voices are gone. Mostly because of the drugs the nurses gives me, but at least I can breath. Breath without anyone else being after me, not even the voices inside. 

Mostly i stare up at the seiling, wondering why my life have been a living hell and I needed to be in a mental hospital and get a lot of drugs, to get any kind of peace. I even hope I could stay in here, so I won't have to go outside, to the world where everyone hates me. I clearly know that they all want me gone, so they won't have to look at me. If I can't stay in here, I've considered to commit suicide. It's the only solution. My life really ain't worth living and not worth anyones time, so why am I even in here anyway? It would just be for a little while and there's NO WAY they'll keep me in here forever. Even if I ended up trying to commit suicide like a million times, they'll just let me stay until I seem okay and then they'll let me out. Hoping that I won't come back again, but deep down knowing that I will come back. But what can they do? Besides hoping that my misery would be over soon. Either by getting better or by dying, so they wouldn't have to be afraid what would happen to me. Good or bad. My parents are for a while free. Free of the responsability that comes with having me in their family. I know it might be the drugs talking or the morfin, but I seriously can't stay in this world anymore. The world is a way to big of a place for someone like me, who obviously can't be in it, without constantly bein stepped on. The only place I can be, without feeling any pain by waking up every day, is in the mental hospital. I'm safe here. Safe from my parents constant blaming of not becoming the person they want me to be and safe from the idiots at school, who won't leave me the hell alone and won't stop bullying me, and the abuse they're doing to me every single day. But as I've said before - these walls won't keep me safe forever, as in when the nurses and therapeuts are letting me out of here, even when I want to stay in here.

But for now - goodbye and I kind of hope we'll meet in another life, where I might be having a better life. I need to go plan a suicide, so I can get out of this suffering. So far, my plan is to die from some kind of an overdoze of different medicin, without anyone noticing it, until it's way too late. It's been nice talking to you.

XOXO - Zoey

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