“I have the power to control people’s thoughts and actions...What am I, if not a Goddess?”
In a world where all those in power have power the Princess must play a dangerous game with a dangerous man.
Who will win? What will the consequences be?


13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen



Ever so slowly I gathered myself, standing up. I stepped over to my bed considering lying down and pretending the day hadn’t happened, but after a moment I simply shoved my hand under the mattress, grabbing my diary and retiring to my reading corner.


Dear Diary,


In the past few days I have learnt a lot about myself, and what I am capable of. If what my memory states is true, I have become a murderer. It does not affect me as much as I would have thought; is it due to the fact that I had witnessed death before?


From the death of my father, to having to identify the bodies of men from the war. I volunteered for that service. For those that had no family to return to, I was the only one able to say they belonged to my country.


The war still rages in the South even as I sit in my castle being courted. This is not the Princess I wanted to be. When I first received the crown I promised to be different from my father and mother. I would not sit in a castle and waste precious lives. But that is exactly what I have been doing.


Max said before that he was not responsible for what was happening. He said I wouldn’t believe him if he told me. Back then I didn’t believe him - figuring he was responsible no matter what he said. But no longer; there seems to be a kind of trust growing between us.


But, if he wasn’t responsible, then who was?


I promise you diary, I will find out. Today or tomorrow or next year, I will find out. I will end them and this war.


I slammed the diary shut, my eyes drifting towards the glass doors and the balcony beyond it. Carefully I placed the leatherbound book on the table. Barely noticing the rest of the room I made my way toward the door. There was an odd feeling in my bones, a tiredness I had never felt before and a longing for something I didn’t understand.


The breeze was cold, probably because the sun was starting to go down. The darkness was beginning to frighten me, with darkness the shadows of my mind became more powerful, harder to ignore. Even now I could almost feel them readying their power, as though they stood behind me, rubbing their hands together like a cartoon villain.


Breathing slowly I closed my eyes, leaning against the railing. If I was brave, I would turn and face the monsters of my mind. But I was weak, unstable. If I faced them I would lose, and I didn’t want to know what the shadows would do to me if they ever caught me.


A hand landed on my shoulder, almost making me scream. I automatically slammed my elbow into whomever was behind me, turning around and bringing my knee up to hit them in the nose. I had to admit, the self defence classes the King made me take the years leading up to his death were somewhat useful.


“Ow” Max complained, holding his stomach and glaring at me.


The look on his face almost made me laugh. For once, I was happy not to be able to feel my power. Whatever he could do, whatever power he held over me, it was worth it in this moment. I could laugh, pretend to be a normal person.


“Sorry.” I said, even though there was a massive smile on my face.


Max made a noise in the back of his throat and shook his head, finally standing up straight. We stood like that for a minute, before Max offered me his arm.


“Are you ready for bed Majesty?” He asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively, causing me to blush.


I nodded, my mouth was dry for some reason. It felt different tonight, there was something different in the way that his hand touched mine, the way his eyes sparkled mischievously. Today had changed our relationship, for the better or worse I didn’t know yet.


“Mia?” Max questioned, bringing my thoughts back to him.


As soon as my eyes met his, he dropped half an inch, landing his lips squarely on mine. It was our second kiss technically; but it was good enough to be counted as our first. I gulped, feeling like I was being swept away. Nothing was making sense, I felt like I didn’t know the man in front of me. I felt like I didn’t even know myself.


I placed my hand on Max’s chest, his body heaved in time with his breath. I counted his heartbeats, unable to meet his eyes until the number of beats had lowered slightly. Finally, I looked up at him, the expression in his eyes hadn’t changed, but I felt like the one in mine had. Things were changing before my eyes and I couldn’t stop them, but this new feeling, was certainly something I could stop here and now.


“Max….I need….to know.” I deliberately separated the sentence to punctuate each part.


Max was silent, uncharacteristically so. I could see the cogs turning in his mind - would he lie and prove to be an enemy, or tell the truth and risk everything he had worked so hard towards. This was our definitive moment.


“Know what?” He questioned slowly, I had the feeling he was stalling for time.


“Who really started this war. Why are you really here? I know you don’t want to marry me.” I was rambling, ever since I had asked him why he wanted to get married I had assumed that he had an ulterior motive.


Max sighed, running a hand through his hair nervously. He glanced around before walking to my bed, sitting on the edge. Quietly I joined him, standing just out of his reach, waiting for him to find some kind of way to tell me what I needed to know. It must have been difficult for him, knowing something that could have saved hundred and thousands of lives. Knowing that in the beginning, I never would have believed him.


“A year after I left this city, there was a major attack on one of the villages closest to the border. For the longest time I refused to believe that it came from your side. In my third year of reign I discovered a seer within my castle. Her ability to show both the past and future showed me the night the attack happened. “ Max cleared his throat. I could tell he was getting emotional.


There was something about what he was saying, the words tugged at a memory I had long forgotten. The first few years after he left were a blur. I was a new ruler, trying to reign over a people that didn’t think me capable and learn how to control my power all at the same time.  


“You were in some woman’s house, telling her of how her husband, the father of her child had died. She pulled a knife and stabbed you through the stomach; your power protected your life, and stole that of the woman, child, and those in the town closest to her home.”


I was holding my breath. The words wouldn’t stick in my head - I would have known if this war was my fault. Surely I would have known. I had a good memory, I could almost remember every single day. Surely I would remember if I had killed two people, no, more than two people. A whole village. I would remember. But I didn’t, and I didn’t think Max would lie to me.


“By this time it had been confirmed all those people in the village died because their brains imploded. I couldn’t deny that it was you. I had to retaliate.”


Max was breathing heavily. I didn’t feel like I was breathing at all. There was no way what he was saying was true - surely I would remember. But I didn’t, and there was someone I knew who could alter memories. It was possible, if I did this, then I would have gone straight to Alexander. At such a young age, I didn’t need to have the lives of those people on my hands. If I forgot, it would have been my choice.


I started the war.


I forgot for a reason, probably because what Max was saying was right. I was a murderer; not only had I possibly killed some girl, but my power had been the cause of countless deaths. The war was my fault. The deaths were my fault. Everything was my fault.

I dropped to my knees, a sob escaping my throat. Tears streamed down my face and I placed my head in my hands, trying to hide myself from the truth. It was all encompassing; this feeling that I had killed. It hadn’t affected me as much with the girl because I couldn’t be sure; but now I was sure.


The blood on my hands dripped down the floor, staining the carpet. I screamed and screamed, my hands were red, no matter how many times I rubbed them the blood wouldn’t disappear. The shadows were coming. Spiders crawled up my walls, perched on my roof, and I could feel them starting to work their way up my legs.


The room was shrinking rapidly, the walls enclosing me in. The darkness was everywhere, there was no saviour for me this time. How could I be saved when I was the one responsible? I was hardly able to fit inside the room, I knew the oxygen would run out quickly. Even though I knew this I couldn’t stop how fast my breath came.   


I was terrified.


The spiders were all over me, the room was still shrinking and Max was nowhere to be found. He had forsaken me to the darkness, just as I deserved. There is no salvation for the wicked. I deserved nothing less than for the darkness to consume me fully.

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