Random One Shots

Random one shots with actors, musicians/bands and characters.


301. Simon Pegg

~Slipping on your black Chucks, you let out a deep sigh, anxious about your date tonight. You stood and observed your appearance in the hall mirror, baring your teeth to check for rogue lipstick. Turning side to side, you were satisfied enough with your outfit; dark denim skinny jeans and a cream colored tank top with red polka dots. Casual yet cute. Perfect for a first date at the carnival. Not only a first date, but a blind one at that. You didn't usually go on dates simply because being a secret agent gave you zero free time to do so. Feeling rather disconnected from the outside world, your best friend, whom you always made time for, set you up with her boyfriend's friend. It would have been a double date, but being as her boyfriend is an actor he needed to be whisked away to LA suddenly. Your best friend promised you would still have a blast and you didn't know when you would get another chance to go on a date, so you sucked up your disappointment and readied yourself for a night of adventure. But hopefully the romantic type and not the kick-ass-and-take-names type.
Right on time, a knock sounded on your apartment door. You peeked out the peep hole and saw your date, Simon. He stood there, rocking back and forth on his heels before knocking again. You giggled to yourself as you watched him cup a hand over his mouth, breathe out and sniff the cupped air before shrugging.
Taking a deep breath, you pulled the door open and gave your date a pleasant smile. "Simon?" You asked.
Simon's jaw had dropped and he took in the sight of you, stumbling over his words. "Yes, me. I mean, me Simon... I'm Simon!" He gave you a smile, slightly embarrassed.
His reaction caused you to blush. You didn't consider yourself a stunner, but the look on his face certainly made you feel beautiful.
"You look amazing," Simon uttered as he stuck his hands into his pockets.
He wore a blue plaid shirt tucked into jeans and a light, black jacket. Taking a cue from him, you reached for your sweater on the coat rack before stepping out into the brisk summer air.
"Thank you, you look great yourself." You locked your door and stuffed your keys into your oversized purse, eyeing your secured Glock and can of mace before following him to the parking lot where he directed you to his car.
Simon held the door open for you in true gentlemanly fashion. He briskly walked around to the other side, took his jacket off and threw it into the back seat before getting comfortable in the driver's seat. Patting his breast pocket and pant pockets, he looked over at you and chuckled. He held up a finger and you watched as he threw his door back open, stepped out, opened the back door and reached for his jacket. He patted it down before sticking his hands into one of the pockets, producing the car keys.
"So sorry," he smiled as he hunkered back down into the driver's seat.
You arrived to the town carnival just as you had planned to do on your double date. The half hour drive from your place was awkwardly charming. Simon was super sweet and extremely good at making anything you said seem like important news. It was obvious he was very interested in you and you found yourself becoming more and more attracted to him by the minute. His personality was definitely winning you over and you knew whatever happened tonight, you would have a wonderful time by his side.
Strolling along the countless vendors, the two of you would occasionally stop to browse the goods. Simon was fond of putting on goofy hats and wigs and making faces just to get you to laugh. And he did it well. He plopped a large Mad Hatter-esque hat on your head and slipped into a long blond wig himself and the two of you giggled and took selfies together. Simon did all the stereotypical selfie faces and the two of you agreed that the Mad Hatter and Alice making duck lips was the best one of the bunch.
You loved how easy it was to be childish with him. This date was already a winner in your book. Anytime you could forget about the stresses of your job was a good time.
"Oh!" Simon pointed toward the food booths and bounced in place. "We must get a funnel cake!" Simon grabbed your hand and you giggled as he dragged you with him to get in line. You stood side by side and surveyed the menu for which topping you wanted. You were stuck between drizzled chocolate and strawberries. Simon asked if you'd think him a pig if he got one of each. You laughed and playfully hit his arm.
Suddenly, your keen secret agent senses began tingling. You could smell trouble. And today, trouble smelled like the foul body odor of a large tattooed man donning a white wife-beater looking shady as fuck. He shoved past you and bumped Simon, taking a spot right in front of you.
"Oi!" Simon expressed shock, appalled that anyone would be so rude.
The man turned and gave Simon a once-over and sneered a 'whatcha gonna do about it, punk?' sneer before turning back. Simon's jaw was nearly unhinged. You couldn't help but smile. In the short time you have gotten to know him, you could tell Simon was the type to see the best in everyone and for anyone to give the human race a bad reputation just didn't sit well with him one bit.
He tapped the guy in the arm, puffing up his chest and hoping to appear intimidating. "Oi, excuse me. But in case you hadn't noticed," Simon tossed an arm towards the line behind him, "there's a line. And you cut in front of my date and I."
The large man turned to face Simon and crossed his gigantic meaty arms across his chest. "So what."
You prepared yourself for battle. You sized your opponent up and observed his weak spots. You knew just where to take him down if the need arose. However, having learned from past experiences, you decided to let Simon handle this so he wouldn't feel inadequate or intimidated by you.
"So," Simon began, "I'm going to have to ask you to kindly head to the back of the line like a civilized human being."
The large man smirked. 'Here we go,' you thought to yourself. You felt your muscles tense, ready for action.
And just as you had anticipated, the large man gave Simon a shove. Poor Simon staggered backwards and you clasped your hands around the large man's wrist and wrenched his arm around to his back, close to snapping it in half. He cried out several obscenities and struggled before realizing it was no use as you tightened your grasp.
"Apologize to my handsome date. Now." You bent him forward, rendering him defenseless.
Simon's eyes were wide with amusement. The large man grimaced and let out a sharp cry before apologizing.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Now let go!" You shoved him out of the line and pointed past the queue of shocked people behind you. Some were snickering. The large man nursed his sore arm and staggered away from the stunned onlookers.
"What..." Simon stuttered and you braced yourself for the insecurities of a man who was uncomfortable with a powerful woman. "How... That was amazing!"
You blinked hard, unsure if you heard him correctly. "Are you okay?" you asked.
"Super! Wow, that was rather sexy, if you don't mind me saying." Simon gushed and scratched the back of his head.
You blushed and the line moved forward.
After a few carnival rides and Simon nearly losing the treat the two of you had shared, the crowd began thinning as it got darker and darker. Simon's humor began to soften and you caught him several times looking at you with a smile. You tucked a strand of lose hair behind your ear and gave him a shy smile, hoping he could read between the lines that you were giving him permission to kiss you. When he looked away, you frowned, disappointed. You dropped your fingers down to his as you walked side by side and entwined them.
Simon looked down to your hand holding his and then to your eyes.
"Is this okay?" You were suddenly nervous, thinking maybe your advances were unwarranted. But he smile and nodded.
You played a few games, trying your hand at knocking over milk jugs and tossing ping pong balls into gold fish bowls. You purposely mucked up trying to win a gold fish, doing your best to keep the date going well. When a ball Simon tossed landed in a bowl containing a beautiful golden fish with a black spot, he was so pleased with himself. He insisted you keep the fish. The carnie working the booth bagged the fish with some water and handed it to you. You promised to name it Simon and Simon beamed.
"You know, I was a bit nervous about this date. And now I don't want it to end." Simon placed his hand back into yours as you trudged along the craft booths.
You smiled and replied, "I know what you mean. I'm having a fantastic time."
You strolled along, with Simon the fish in one hand and Simon the human in the other. Pulling the bagged fish up to your view, you figured you better get him in a bowl soon or you'd be down to only one Simon tomorrow.
"Feel like going back to my place? I need to tuck Simon into bed." You held up the fish and Simon grinned and agreed.
Making your way back to Simon's car near the back of the almost vacant lot, you could tell you were being followed. Almost cat-like, your ears perked up, listening for the sounds of a third set of footprints behind you. Your nose picked up a familiar foul stench. The large man was back.
Keeping your pace steady as to not alarm Simon, you calmly handed him the fish and stuck your hand into your purse, cradling your Glock in your palm. Hearing the unmistakable sound of a knife being unsheathed, you dropped your purse to the ground and turned to face the assailant, aiming your gun for a kill shot.
Simon spun around and before he could react, the large man chucked his knife at his face but you kicked your purse up into the air and the knife stabbed into it before reaching Simon. The large man lunged at you and grabbed your wrists before you could fire a shot. Your gun flew out of your hands and clattered to the ground a few feet away. You kneed the large man in the groin as hard as you could and as he crouched in pain, you crashed your elbows down into the back of his head and brought your knee back up to meet his face. He keeled over and you gracefully pirouetted ending with a full on kick to the chest. The large man fell to his back, knocked out cold.
You brushed off your hands before bending down to pick up your Glock. You turned to face Simon who was hugging the fish tightly. His chest was heaving up and down, fast.
"Simon?" You walked up to him, placing a gentle palm on his cheek. "You're alright... breathe."
"What the hell was that?! Who are you? Who is that?" He pointed to the defeated assailant sprawled upon the ground. "What is THAT?!" He eyed the stabbed purse at his feet.
"Simon, it's okay. I suppose if this is ever going to work, you have the right to know. I'm a specially trained secret agent. We'll get into details later, but I need to know that you're okay..."
You picked up your purse and yanked the knife out before placing it inside. You secured your gun and pulled out a small plastic dispenser of dental floss.
Simon's eyes met yours and he knitted his brows. "You're flossing? You take a bite out of crime and then you floss?"
Simon's quick wit took you by surprise, especially given the circumstance. You laughed and held
up the small container to show him. You opened it and began to drag the thin thread out.
"It's not floss. It's specially engineered fibers woven together to become virtually impenetrable." You proceeded to make your way to the large man. You pushed him over to his stomach and began to hog tie him, binding his ankles and his wrists together. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and sent a special message to your agency to notify the police.
"And that takes care of that! Now, let's head on back to my place. That is, if you're still up for it?" You searched Simon's face for an answer.
He smiled. "Oh, I'm definitely up! I mean, up for it." He shook his head at his silly Freudian slip and you hooked your arm into his and took your two Simons back to your place.

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