The Virgin Diaries

The journal of a girls experiences throughout adolescence.

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1. First Chapter

February 4th, 2015, Dear Person,

 

I'm writing to you because I was told you would understand and listen, also because I was told to write down my thoughts so here I am. Honestly this whole 'write to someone you don't know to make a friend' thing is a bit pointless, as I don't want a friend. I guess I could start with saying what my favourite things to do are but we both know those would be lies I spurred up to start an empty conversation. I just want to know whether someone out their listens and understands and doesn't start boring generic conversations about their obsessions with coffee or something. 

 

Honestly, I have no idea what I'm feeling. I know that I was supposed to 'put my feelings down on the paper' but I feel like it would either be empty or I would write countless pages of muddled mess. So I'll leave it at me stating that I'm indifferent.

 

I guess you could blame this on me losing all my friends, especially after my best friend Charlotte stopped talking to me one day last year in Summer because I 'over reacted'. I don't know why but everyone stopped talking to me after that. 

 

I don't why news travels so fast and especially when it's about me but it does. I don't remember where I was, maybe in my English class, but everyone was staring at me as I walked in. I don't remember much after that, except that I spent a majority of the day in the counsellors office and I was given some bullshit inspirational speech about how the 'grass is always greener on the other side'. 

I spent a majority of my time in the counsellors office after that, they would always give me jelly beans and this one teacher kept coming to my classes to attempt to be my friend. She was really nice and all, but you could tell she didn't want to be there, like she thought I was going to start crying and she would have to send me to the counsellors or something. 

 

Everyone keeps saying 'if you make friends you'll be happier' but this isn't necessarily true. I think it's a matter of perspective, as I'd rather be alone than surrounded by phonies. I remember Charlotte was the biggest phony, as she would constantly complain about everyone and then go and talk to them straight after. I hate people like that.

 

I admit, I did try to keep my friends at the beginning. I remember I used to talk to this girl called Pearl all the time, she was constantly talking about boys; always fixing up her make up so she could proceed to flirt with everyone's boyfriends, but she was alright. You know, she was a distraction from reality and she was nice to look at. But then after the incident she stopped talking to me too, I kind of just disappeared to everyone.

 

I keep to myself most days now, and I'm trying to do well at school, I really am, I'm trying to be better. I would like to let you know that I'm okay and to not worry that I didn't enclose a return address because I’ll write to you soon, regardless of whether you read them or not.

 

From, Alaska

p.s. you can refer to me by Alaska, although it's not really my name but I didn't want to be impolite or anything and not conclude it, you know?

 

 

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