How i fucked up again.


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1. well here we are...

In all honesty I haven't lived the hardest life. I don't have a life threatening disease. I don't have months to live. I have two parents and a family. But I haven't lived the best life either. When I was thirteen I was molested by a person I barely even knew. Then after years and years of growing up and learning more and more about myself I found myself in an even worst situation.

I was almost eighteen and my best friend was turning eighteen so for her birthday we went to the river and stayed at her place. What you must know is I wasn't allowed at the river because my parents thought it was too dangerous. And her mother wasn't in town and knew we were doing stuff. So we were home alone boys and girls.

We started the day by going to the river and just having fun a little group of us. When we were leaving we ran into a friend of one of the people we were with and he was with another guy. Well this guy was kind of cute and we all thought it. But to my surprise he was flirting with me. We ended up meeting them downtown that night and going to the hookah bar.

After leaving we ended up all going by the one guys house to get some things. Well this guy and I had been flirting and I was kind of excited. He was nineteen had a hot body and was cute. When everyone went inside we sat in the car just talking and out of no where he kisses me. I must say I am a sucker for surprises. Then when we get back to her house he's all cute with me cuddling hugging holding my hand.

We all had drank a bit but the guys drank more than us. When we all were trying to figure out where we would all be sleeping we found ourselves without a place to sleep so we decided to sleep in my car. Now in all honesty I was a virgin and I didn't expect anything. Maybe a little making out but nothing too extraordinary....

Once we got into the car we just sat there talking and getting to know each other. Which was nice since we had literally just met. Well then he starts to kiss me and I was into it. We had kissed a couple of times but I couldn't get Mitchell out of my mind. That I shouldn't be here Mitchell and I are basically together. And I always wanted to lose my virginity to him.

Well he started trying to undress me and I said no and would undo what he would do. Then he kept trying and kept trying and out of no where memories and feeling from years ago came rushing over me. I felt like I was being suffocated. I couldn't breathe I couldn't move. I was paralysised and he didn't care. He kept going and I had given up. Here I was in the back of my own car In front of my best friends house because taken over my a guy I had just met hours before.

In minutes we were both naked and I remember just wanting it to be over with even before it had started. He didn't use protection or anything. He was just doing what he wanted not talking to me not caring about me. As soon as I felt it touch my skin i felt a way I had never felt ever before. The pain I was feeling was the worst pain I had ever felt emotionally and physically. I felt like I was literally dying.

After a while he stopped and started getting dressed giggled we'll pick this up in a bit. I need a cigarette. I just layed there naked with a blanket to hold onto. He was so sweet and cute and he did this to me. I was still in so much pain. When I looked down I was bleeding.... He had ripped me. And didn't even care. He was so forceful and demanding.

When I got dressed I just sat there until I couldn't anymore. When I walked in everyone just stared at me. He had told all of my friends. And they were all shocked. They knew me and this wasn't me. My best friend looked like we were speaking a different language. I started to cry and just walked out. For the rest of the night I just stayed in my car that I had just been raped in. And I had to sleep in here wth him. Because all of my friends were disgusted with me.

Throughout the night he would try to be sweet but I kept a wall up. told him I was tired and I had to work. But he didn't care he just took the opportunity. And started in again. But this time even harder and the pain was so much worst. He took it out on my neck. Giving me these big ugly bruises. Before I knew it it was morning and we had been going at it all night. But I couldn't remember most of it.

After work I had to take the guys home and then face my friends. I just couldn't believe it. They kept questioning. But I couldn't tell. I was afraid. He was a bad temper. And he didn't care. And I figured I would never see him again. And would keep this as well as my past occurrence away from my parents.

Finally I had to tell her. She told me she was very upset because she knew something was wrong the whole time.

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