It's_Just_Me

A daily log of my life....

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2. Log #2

It’s_Just_Me Log #2

Sunday, November 6, 2015 7:37am


 

I’m worried about Francis. On Friday, he was upset, saying that he broke everything he touched and that his family would probably be happy if he was gone.

    When I read those messages on the chat, my heart sank and started to beat faster at the same time. I had just seen him thirty minutes ago, and he’d been fine, apart from having a cold and being tired. But now, all of a sudden, he was attacking himself, and I was seeing yet another hidden side of Francis.

    I was terrified, and on the verge of tears as I tries to talk some sense into him. I was relieved to see that he only meant gone as in “run away”, not gone as in “dead”. But I was still scared - this was a boy who, according to what he’d told me, had attempted suicide at least four times already, despite only being fourteen years old.

    A soul with that much pain laced through it is unpredictable.

    I don’t know if I was actually able to talk any sense into him, but I managed to get his thoughts somewhere else, and his mood improved after that. Later, when I asked him if he was okay, it was like nothing had happened, which only made me more worried.

    Christmas break is coming up, and we won’t be able to see each other for two and a half weeks (I won’t be present for much of exam week). That’s a long time, especially for two people who can barely stand being apart for one hour. It’s also a long time for someone to avoid his family as best as he can without leaving his room.

    He promised me that he wouldn’t do anything - he doesn’t want to hurt me - but I still worry that he’ll try to run away and end up in an even worse position. I need to talk to him about it tomorrow...

    I love him so much. I don’t want to see him hurting.

    The song I’m listening to right now is perfect right now - “Someone Who Cares” by Three Days Grace. “It’s so hard to find someone who cares about you.” It is hard to find someone who cares...that’s one of the many stupid problems with the world, is that no one is willing to care.

    I’m willing to care. Damn the consequences. Even if it hurts me, I will help him.


 

5:05pm

 

    At this point, I’m just writing to write. I don’t know what I’m about to write, but obviously it’s going to be something.

    It’s always something.

    I’m wondering if I should be worried about the weird lump that I found behind my left ear. It’s not very big - it could just be a zit or something. I’ll give it a few days and see what happens. If it gets bigger or something, I’ll ask Mom about it. I hope it isn’t anything serious. It doesn’t hurt to touch it, it’s just “Boo! I’m a little bump behind your ear! Feel how weird I am!” I honestly don’t know what it is. I’m not going to worry about it though, not unless it grows or starts to hurt.

    I can’t wait to see Francis tomorrow. I wonder if he saw my message on the chat. I feel bad that I wasn’t able to get on again, but Xfinity decided to be a butt and correct whatever mistake it made earlier.

    I hope he’s alright...he scared me on Friday. I hope his weekend wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. Hopefully, it was much better.

    I’ll talk to him tomorrow about what he said about his family and running away...see if I can talk some sense into him. I don’t want him getting hurt. I love him too much to just stand by as watch him kick himself over and over again.

    HOLY SHIT

    CALM THE FUCK DOWN, HEART!
    Holy shit

    My heart just went nuts......holy shit, it felt like it was trying to break my rib cage open. That was scary. Jeepers. I don’t know what the hell that was, but it was freaky. Damn......
    I have to go eat my dinner.

 
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