How Each Harry Potter Book/Film Could Have Ended

Hilarious alternate endings for all 8 films.


5. The Order Of The Phoenix

Voldemort and Gregorovitch reattended Hogwarts with Luna. But this year, Umbridge was appointed as D.A.D.A. teacher.

"You have been told that a Dark Wizard is at large," she said. "This is a lie."

"It's not a lie!" said Voldemort. "He's me!"

Umbridge eyed him carefully. "I think a week of detentions will do you in."

Voldemort cocked his wand. "And I think a blast of the Killing Curse would do you in."

"But that's illegal!" said Hermione.

"The Ministry is too scared to arrest me," said Voldemort. "Now, you will die."

"No!" Umbridge shrieked. "I take it back!"

"Bullcrap," said Voldemort. "I still am ready to do Hogwarts, as well as a heck-ton of Potterheads, a huge favor. Avada Kedavra!" The curse hit Umbridge, and she died before she could scream in pain.

"There," said Voldemort, pocketing his wand. "I just did the Wizarding World a huge favor and saved Hogwarts a whole year of terror."

From there, Luna's fourth year was a breeze. But toward the end, Voldemort had a vision alerting him to action.

"Oh my," said Voldemort. "I sense Bellatrix is in danger!"

"You don't have Jedi powers," Luna pointed out.

"He is a Legimens," said Gregorovitch. "Now let's move!"

Together, they traveled to the Department of Mysteries. There, a host of Death Eaters confronted them.

"Give me the Prophecy," said Lucius.

"Speaking as your master, I refuse!" said Voldemort.

"Oh," said Lucius.

"Why did you kidnap Bellatrix?" asked Voldemort.

"Hey, it's not like we just saved her 11 years of prison," said Lucius. "So take your girlfriend and prophecy and be on your way."

As they left, Luna said, "Aw, but I wanted us to fight and make the plan more action-packed!"

"Same here," said Bellatrix.

"Not all fights are meant to be," said Gregorovitch. "It is a lesson we all learn, sooner or later."

So, Gregorovitch is...wise? "Speak for yourself," Luna mumbled.

Although the thestral was reluctant to let Voldemort ride it, it did in the end.

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