How Each Harry Potter Book/Film Could Have Ended

Hilarious alternate endings for all 8 films.


6. The Half-Blood Prince

Along with Voldemort and Gregorovitch, Luna boarded the Hogwarts train for her fifth year. This time, the celebrity booth was empty.

"Feels a bit strange," said Luna.

"I know, right?" Voldemort replied. "A bit lonely without Harry, Ron, and the celebrities." Besides them, Hermione, Romilda, and a handful of new recruits were still on the Hogwarts train.

When they arrived, they were shocked to see Justin Bieber flanking Hagrid.

Voldemort cocked his wand. "Surrender, you beaver!"

"Never!" said Justin.

Without a word, Voldemort cast the Killing Curse. Justin hit the floor hard. Applause immediately erupted.

"Voldy, that was your biggest feat yet!" said Luna.


The following school year proved to be a success. Although everyone did well, Voldemort was at the top of the class.

At the end of the year, Voldemort announced that there was a Horcrux to destroy. Luna and Gregorovitch agreed to come.

They made their way to the cave. Inside, Voldemort promised there would be a locket with a Horcrux. They went inside and traveled by boat. Carrying over 500 pounds, the boat nearly sunk, but magically coaxed by the Dark Lord, it floated.

Luna gasped. She had spotted an Inferi in the water.

"Never mind it," said Voldemort. "We're close."

The boat arrived at its destination, and they all climbed off. Voldemort regarded the Horcrux warily.

"Well?" asked Luna. "How do we destroy it?"

"I think this must be drunk," said Voldemort. "But I know a better way that will keep all three of us alive. Obliviate!"

The Dark potion disappeared and thus ceased to exist.

"It will take a sword of fang to destroy it," Gregorovitch said.

"Crap! I left the Sword of Gryffindor at Hogwarts!" Luna groaned.

"Won't be a problem," said Voldemort. "Sectumsempra!" A sword fired from his wand and blasted the Horcrux clean. "Now remember, we can't destroy the Diadem. Otherwise, I will die." Four horcruxes had been destroyed. The Cup and snake remained.

Suddenly, Inferi emerged!

"I can't use the Killing Curse on it," said Gregorovitch. "Otherwise, I'll get the three of us arrested. So...Vipera Evenesca!A beam fired from Gregorovitch's self-made wand. It swept up several Inferi, who writhed in pain and exploded into heaps of ash and soot.

"That was brilliant!" said Luna.

"Thank you," said Gregorovitch.

Afterwards, they returned to the Astronomy Tower. There, Draco Malfoy, Fenrir Greyback, Antonin Dolohov, and Bellatrix Lestrange confronted them.

"Voldy, I hate to break it to you, but I have to kill you," said Draco. "For dissing the Death Eaters, joining the light side, and working with Hogwarts scum."

"Then you're basically calling yourself a scum," Voldemort pointed out.

"Shut up!" said Draco.

"Luna, Gregorovitch, hide!" said Voldemort. "I need to handle this."

As Luna and Gregorovitch scattered, Voldemort turned back to Draco. "You and the Death Eaters have a new master, don't you?"

"Absolutely," said Brllatrix. "It's me!"

Voldemort gritted his teeth.

"Avada Kedavra!" Draco screamed. Without a word, Voldemort cast the same spell, and the duelists performed Priori Incantatem. Screaming with effort, Voldemort directed the beam back at Draco, who died. Bellatrix, Fenrir, and Dolohov scattered

With that, Luna and Gregorovitch emerged. "Well done, Voldy."

"Thank you," Voldemort replied.

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