How Each Harry Potter Book/Film Could Have Ended

Hilarious alternate endings for all 8 films.


8. The Deathly Hallows - Part 2

After deactivating the Taboo placed on his name, Voldemort joined Luna and Gregorovitch in going to Gringotts. After performing the Imperius Curse on the goblin, they all descended into Bellatrix's vault.

When they landed, they were shocked to see Rebecca Black had returned. This time, Matthew Bellamy was with her. He was the leader of Muse.

"What are you guys doing here?" Luna asked.

"This is the third time we've been washed up into the Wizarding World," Matthew said. "I think Bellatrix has been on a quest to kill Black. Once she killed Sirius, but said it was Rebecca Black she meant to kill. This is the third time she tried to force her into a dangerous place. This time, I was scooped into the portal as well, by accident."

"The first time, I ended up in the chamber," Rebecca added. "The second time, I ended up in Malfoy Manor. The third time, I ended up here. I think Bellatrix hates my singing, and wants to kill me for it. Luckily, I could find a wizard who would help Matthew and me apparate home."

Wow, she's an even bigger punk than I thought. "Oh," said Luna. "Do you know how to find Bellatrix's vault from here?"

"I thought I was your tour guide," said Griphook.

"Oh. Right," said Luna. "Tell you what. On our way back up, we'll help you back home."

"Kay. Thanks!" said Rebecca. "And I do hope you can stop her."

"We'll do our best," said Voldemort. He followed Luna and Gregorovitch into the vault. There, all three conjured Lumos spells. But upon searching for the Horcrux inside, Voldemort tripped on a jewel! It multiplied, followed by the multiplication of the jewel clones. Two more objects began the same process, until a tower of jewels were at the top.

Voldemort flew up to the top and grabbed the cup. However, Gregorovitch and Luna were both stuck.

"Griphook, help us!" Luna called out.

"I said I'd get you in here," said Griphook. "I never said I'd get you out!" With that, he left them.

Just as all hope seemed lost, Rebecca and Matthew rushed inside. "There's a balcony over there," said Rebecca. "Come on, I'll help you to it! Matthew, can you get Gregorovitch and get him over here?"

"Sure," said Matthew. Together, they pushed their way through the pile of jewelry, picked up the victims, and carried them onto the balcony. Voldemort joined them.

Holding Luna, Rebecca asked, "Do you trust me?"

"Um--" Luna began.

"Then jump!" Rebecca leaped off the balcony. Luna thought they would get hurt on the bottom, but they landed inches above ground, whose magic copped a landing for them.

"That was bloody brilliant!" said Luna.

"Thanks," said Rebecca.

Suddenly, beams went flying at them.

"We can't just stand here!" said Luna. "You got an idea?"

"Yep!" said Rebecca.

"It'd better be a brilliant one," said Voldemort.

"I hope it will be," Rebecca replied. "But first, I need your help. Voldemort, Luna, link arms with me. Gregorovitch, can you apparate?"

"Yes," he said.

"Can you link Matthew's arm?" Rebecca replied.

"Kay," said Matthew.

"Now, apparate!" Rebecca shouted. Voldemort apparated, carrying Luna and Rebecca with him. Gregorovitch apparated as well, bringing Matthew with him. They all reappeared in California.

"Brilliant!" said Gregorovitch. "You're smarter than I thought you were."

"I know people think I'm stupid," Rebecca replied. "It's just that most of them hated my hit song, and thought I had to of been an idiot."

"That's too bad," said Luna. "Well, have fun!"

"Thanks!" said Matthew. "Bye!" From here, the other band members were only two miles from there. They were supposed to meet at the guitar store tonight.

At that note, Luna staggered back. A blur of visions began to fill her head. Bellatrix Lestrange was at the Room of Requirement, murdering anyone who was hiding there. Luna also saw images of Harry Potter and Rebecca, amid others. Finally, she woke up and stood up.

"She knows," Luna said. "Bellatrix knows we broke into her vault, she knows we helped Rebecca escape, and she knows we're planning to fight back."

"How do you know?" Voldemort asked.

"I saw it," she replied. "In a dream. And I also saw Harry. I know he has something to do with this."

"I thought only Harry had that ability," said Voldemort. "And he's dead, he can't be involved in this. But thanks for the warning. Now Luna, take my hand." She did. With that, they apparated with Gregorovitch.

A moment later, Miley came out. "Is it safe yet?"

"Of course," said Rebecca. "Voldemort seemed nicer than usual. Maybe he's had a change of heart. Maybe he's lost his ambition to murder you."

"I hope so," said Miley.

Meanwhile, the trio reappeared at Hogwarts, where they found out the Death Eaters had taken over. Bellatrix Lestrange was at the head of the classroom.

"Bellatrix, is that you?" Voldemort inquired.

"You can call me 'Professor Lestrange,'" she replied. "We took over Hogwarts 4 months ago."

Just then, Gandalf showed up! "You shall not pass!" He brought his staff down, and Bellatrix went flying out the window. However, she used her ability to apparate to avoid death below.

All the kids cheered. Gandalf disappeared.

Luna went over and looked out the window. "Guys. Bad news."

Voldemort and Gregorovitch joined her at the window. Led by Bellatrix, all the Death Eaters assembled outside.

Professor McGonagall looked over. "Easy. There's a spell for this, you know. What was it--oh yes. Piertotum Locamotor!"

Stone soldiers dropped from the ceiling, stepped outside, and attacked the Death Eaters. Bellatrix spun into an appiration cloud, tearing down soldiers and cackling wildly. The soldiers took down several Death Eaters, but were losing badly.

And then Oliver Wood swooped in on his broom, flanked by his teammates. They launched an aerial assault.

Seeing the battle unfold, Luna rushed out to join them. Gregorovitch followed her, but Voldemort stayed back, sneakily navigating the embattled corridors outside. Several Hogwarts recruits rushed to join the fight, led by Romilda Vane. Hermione led another squad nearby.

And then Bellatrix landed in front of Voldemort. "Tom Riddle, we meet again."

"Do anything to my friends and I'll kill you," Voldemort replied. He cocked his wand. "For killing countless people, torturing Neville's parents, and performing three assassination attempts on Rebecca Black, I should kill you now."

Bellatrix cackled. "You know how to play! You little baby Voldy. You will never defeat me."

Suddenly, Ash showed up! "Bellatrix, Stinging Hex! Voldemort, Killing Curse!"

Voldemort looked confused, but fired the beam. Bellatrix did the same. Their bolts locked in between and performed Priori Incantatem. Again.

Finally, Voldemort deactivated the beam, and it came crashing down. "I will not fight you, Bella."

"Then you will be destroyed!" Bellatrix shouted. "Avada Kedavra!"

"Protrego!" Voldemort shouted. The spell projected a shield that blocked the beam.

Suddenly, Luna showed up! "Voldy! Having fun?"

"Not really," said Voldemort.

"Reducto!" Luna shouted. Bellatrix shouted "Stupefy" at the same time. Because their wands had different cores, the spells ricocheted off each other.

With that, Luna fired a barrage of spells. Bellatrix blocked them all.

Bellatrix was about to fire another spell when Luna threw up a nonverbal spell of a shield. "Why do you work for the Death Eaters?" Luna asked. "Are they your path to power or something?"

Bellatrix fired another beam, but it was absorbed by the shield.

"I know why you joined the Death Eaters," said Luna. "You loved the Dark Lord, and you wanted to prove it. So why did you try to kill him just now?"

Bellatrix lowered her wand. "I don't know. My head hurts."

"Voldemort is on the light side now, like you were once," said Luna. "Why not join him and stop being his enemy?"

"You're right," said Bellatrix. "The last two years I've been trying to kill you guys for no reason. I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted," said Luna.

"Sonorus!" Bellatrix said, and held her wand to her mouth. "All you Death Eaters, cease the fighting! If you do, we will help you find your true purpose. If not, I'm sure Voldemort will help me kill the defectors."

The Death Eaters looked up with rapt attention.

"We have all come with anger in our hearts," Bellatrix continued. "But violence is not the answer. The dark side is weaker than the light, even though it is an easier path. Harry knew that while he was alive. We lost him in the Great Hall, but the moving defeat of Professor Quirrell proves that point. And with friends, not dark side powers, he accessed the Chamber of Secrets and defeated Tom Riddle. I know if you seek protection, the light side can help you. Or if power is what you want, then I tell you, it is unnecessary. How many times have you gotten what you wanted without it?"

The Death Eaters looked at each other, stunned. Only Draco looked revolted.

"I do not wish to hurt you anymore, but sometimes fighting is the only option. That we all know. And I am with Voldemort once again, and he has accepted me for what I have become. Endgame."

Bellatrix's voice returned to its normal tempo.

"Wow, that was some speech, huh?" Luna whispered to Gregorovitch.

Suddenly, Harry appeared behind them. "Sup, guys?"

Bellatrix turned. "Harry! You're alive!"

"I am indeed," said Harry. "Voldy, what are you doing with Luna?"

"He joined our ranks about a year ago," said Luna. "And now, I think Bellatrix has too."

"But...the Horcruxes are still out there somewhere!" said Harry.

"Nope," said Luna. "Voldemort, Gregorovitch, and I destroyed the locket, the cup, and the snake. I believe the diary and the Horcrux in you were destroyed too."

"Thank you, guys!" said Harry. "Voldemort, can we be friends? And same with you, Bellatrix?"

"You betcha," said Voldemort, and shook his hand.

"Count on it," said Bellatrix.

And suddenly, Voldemort felt a jolt to his face. And then, a nose suddenly sprouted! Luna and Gregorovitch were both shocked. It was the magic Voldemort's nose had been waiting for.

The way it turned out, Harry found the spell to cure his eyesight. Most of the Death Eaters joined the light side, and the ones that didn't were hunted down and arrested. Gregorovitch returned to wandmaking, and Luna became a veterinarian after her 7th year, using magic to enhance her career. Apart from having a nose, Voldemort became an Auror, and Bellatrix became his assistant. Overall Bellatrix was a happier person.

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