How Each Harry Potter Book/Film Could Have Ended

Hilarious alternate endings for all 8 films.


7. The Deathly Hallows - Part 1

Throughout the years, Voldemort had seriously considered joining the light side. And, after telling the Death Eaters he had, stopping Draco Malfoy, and fighting alongside Luna Lovegood and Mykew Gregorovitch, he finally spoke up.

Soon, Luna, Gregorovitch, and he were all sitting around the fireplace at the Lovegood house.

"I don't want to be a rogue anymore," he told them. "I want to join the light side. Even if that means killing the snake."

Luna smiled. "We welcome you with pride."

"I'm glad you saw it," said Gregorovitch. "While I think people will find your outer appearance hard to recognize as goodness, I believe you will manage. It is the inside that counts."

"Well, Hogwarts is two days away," said Voldemort. "I can't wait to finish school with you, Lovegood!"


The next day, the trio climbed out. They were ready to get down.

"Head for the Riddle House!" said Voldemort. "There, we will find a safe path to Hogwarts."

"All set, Luna?" Gregorovitch asked.

"Whenever you're ready, sir," Luna replied.

"On the count of three!" said Voldemort. "One...two...three!"

At three, Gregorovitch's rented thestral whisked him and Luna upward, and they streaked through the sky. Voldemort appeared beside them, flying unsupported.

And suddenly, a squad of Death Eaters attacked! Voldemort was astounded. Luna and Gregorovitch both fought the Death Eaters in the sky with their wands.

During the fight, Voldemort looked around to see who the culprit was. After dodging a powerful Stupefy hex, he found her. Bellatrix Lestrange was trailing him.

Voldemort looked behind. Bellatrix screamed, "Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort performed non-verbal magic, firing his own Killing Curse and meeting Bellatrix in the middle. Their spells locked and created Priori Incantetem. Seeing Bellatrix was on a broom, he redirected both beams below his quarry, tearing the broom in two. Bellatrix screamed as she fell, and a roof stopped her fall.

Voldemort turned to the others, who had already continued course to the Riddle House. Still wondering how Bellatrix had seen this coming, Voldemort followed them. Nagini was there.

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort shrieked. Nagini's body absorbed the beam.

"Levicorpus!" Luna said. The following beam also bounced off. Nagini looked around.

"Incendio!" Gregorovitch said. The spell bounced off too.

"Reducto! Crucio! Vipera Evenesca!" Luna shouted more spells, to no effect.

"Stupefy! Expelliarmus!" Voldemort's spells were no more successful.

And then Nagini attacked, and they were driven out. They were about to climb atop the thestral again when Voldemort signaled a halt. "Look, guys. It's the Sword Of Gryffindor!"

Luna turned. There it was, stashed in the backyard of the Riddle House. Voldemort went to get it. Drawing it, he went back inside. Although Nagini did not notice him, she was no match for his blade. Although the blade lacked venom due to the Basalisk never being unleashed, it still worked. Living Horcruxes were highly unstable.

A surge of pain struck Voldemort, and he staggered back. Composing himself, he twirled the sword. "Leave it to Voldemort to destroy the second-last Horcrux!"

Suddenly, Death Eaters showed up! Voldemort saw that Luna and Gregorovitch were here too.

"Hello, beautiful," said Scabior.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Luna asked.

"Don't be a wise guy," said Scabior. "Now snatch them!"

"Grab my hand!" said Voldemort. Luna and Gregorovitch did. But a moment later, the Death Eaters were on them. Then, they were taken to Malfoy Manor.

Bellatrix greeted them. "Hello, Scabior. Why did you bring my ex here?"

"He broke the Taboo," said Scabior.

"Idiot!" she said. "The Dark Lord can say his name if he wants! Take him back where you found him! The girl and old man, too! We will handle them when the time is right!"

Scabior groaned, but then obliged and returned them to their post.

In the night, Voldemort flew to Dumbledore's grave and broke in. Then he took the Elder Wand, and prepared to blast it into the air. No. I have a better idea. He cracked it abruptly. Then he went to Malfoy Manor, snuck in, and broke the Taboo. Then he prepared for the return to the Riddle House.

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