How Each Harry Potter Book/Film Could Have Ended

Hilarious alternate endings for all 8 films.


2. The Chamber of Secrets

Later, Harry went to Hogwarts again. This time, the Hogwarts train felt...different. Ginny's here! He went in to sit by her.

"Ginny, I thought you weren't coming to Hogwarts," Harry said. "Until my seventh year."

"Mom was kidding," she said. "She just wanted you to stop crushing on me. I wonder who's replacing Snape in Potions."

"Me too," said Harry. "Sorry if I came on too hard. I just want to be your friend. For now, at least." He extended his hand.

Ginny smiled as she returned the shake. "Congratulations defeating Professor Quirrell."

When they arrived at Potions class the next day, they were surprised to see a man in a hat who looked a lot like Dumbledore.

"Oh, I know him," Ginny whispered. "That's Gandalf!"

"You shall not pass!" he said.

Suddenly, a 50-foot snake burst in and petrified Gandalf! It was carrying the same diary Lucius had slipped in Ginny's cauldron. It left, running Draco's desk through on the way out.

"That was awkward," said Hermione.

"Like Harry dating my sister?" Ron asked.

"Shut up," said Ginny. "We're just friends."

Seven months later, Ginny was taken into the Chamber of Secrets.

"We have to save her!" said Harry. "Come along, bro!"

They descended into the chamber through its slide. Inside, they were shocked to see Rebecca Black inside.

"Hello," she said. "Which seat can I take?"

"Still looking for a seat, eh?" Harry said. "You can take...none. Come on, Ron!"

Ron followed, but Rebecca went after them.

"I can't speak Parseltongue," said Ron.

"But I--" Harry began.

"It's a code, really," said Rebecca. "Ah saya see et!" The door opened.

Harry was shocked. "Thanks, Becca. Want to come along?"

"Sure," said Rebecca. "I have a weapon, too. So when we go in, I'll sing Friday. Riddle will cover his ears, and you can curse him with your wands."

"Good idea," said Harry. "Let's move!" All three advanced inside. They found Ginny's corpse.

"Is that Ginny?" Rebecca asked.

"Yes," said Harry. "But I think she might be dead."

"She is," said Tom before stepping out. "Why did you bring a teen pop star with you?"

"I don't have a clue," said Harry. He cocked his wand. "Surrender, Voldy!"

Tom looked confused.

"I saw an anagram in your diary!" said Harry.

Tom snatched Ron's wand. "It ends here, boys."

"It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday..." Rebecca began.

Tom covered his ears. Harry saw his chance and screamed, "Avada Kedavra!" Tom took the hit and was blasted into oblivion.

"I always wanted to use that spell!" Harry turned to Ron. "Here's your wand."

"Thanks, mate," said Ron, and took the wand back.

"You're welcome." Harry turned to Rebecca. "Thanks for your help."

"You're welcome," said Rebecca. "Feel free to call for my help anytime."

"Um, actually, we usually call on Hermione Granger," said Harry. "But she's petrified right now."

"Oh, I understand," she said. "Now, all we have to do is get out of here. And tell Hermione I wish her luck working with you guys."

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