memories of love


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2. corey

my first real boyfriend, we'll call him "corey"

we were best friends before we dated. 

i was dating another guy while him and i were really good friends. 

i started to fall for him, and everyone at school could see that. 

i broke up with my boyfriend at the time and corey and i started talking. 

two months later, he finally worked up the courage to ask me out. 

that christmas break, we went to a local neighborhood that had a huge lake with beautiful christmas lights lit up around it. 

we were walking around the lake for about half an hour when it started to rain. 

he pulled out an umbrella and held it above us in one hand, and his other hand was wrapped around my shoulder. 

his parents called and asked if we wanted to get in the car and drive around, and we said no, we were fine, and we had an umbrella. 

we walked around for another twenty minutes, and i knew he was trying to build up the courage to kiss me. i was going to give him his first kiss. 

after seeing tree plugs, ducks, and thinking we saw penguins, we finally stopped.

we looked at each other in the eyes and we both knew what was about to happen. 

i finally took the initiative and leaned in and we kissed each other.

his first kiss.

while our faces were still close, we both smiled. 

he took my hand and we walked to the car.

 

 

in december of 2013, i started cutting myself. corey found out about it and was very upset. 

it took me a whole month before i noticed his legs. 

we were sitting in class one day and his shorts came up a little bit and i could see all the scars on his thighs. 

i almost started crying so i walked out of the classroom and went in the bathroom. 

it took all i had to wait until i got home to cry. 

the next few months were hard, promising each other we were going to stop. 

and when one of us would cut, the other one would find out and cut too, just to show one another that we really did want each other to stop. 

this two month period was really hard and we had a really unhealthy relationship at this time. 

i broke up with him during spring break when i went on a cruise. 

i couldn't stand to be without him, so we got back together shortly after that. 

i broke him. 

it was my fault he started cutting and not eating. 

i still to this day blame myself for everything that happened between us. 

 

 

in the spring of 2014, the robotics team corey and i were on went to new orleans for a competition. 

we spent weeks and weeks making a robot that would have to throw big rubber balls into the opponent's goals. 

on the way to new orleans, we sat in the very back and watched 21 jump street. 

we held hands until he fell asleep, and i took out my phone and took pictures of him. 

he was so cute when he slept. 

it was the second night of the trip and i got mad about something and couldn't take it anymore. 

i took my pill box and took most of the pills inside, all at once, not knowing what it would do to me. 

i called corey and told him i needed to talk to him.

he came down to my hotel room and we sat in the hallway for a good 30 minutes before i decided i couldn't say anything. he had his arms wrapped around me the whole time, begging me to say something. 

i got up and went back into my room, telling him i was fine. 

when corey found out about it, he just sat outside of the hotel room. 

the chaperone came in and told me my parents were on their way and that there was someone outside to see me. 

corey was so worried about me, and i felt so bad. 

my parents came and picked me up the next day and i was crying for 5 hours straight. 

corey was there for me, especially when i needed it. 

i don't know what i would do without him at the time. 

 

 

the night of June 5, 2014 was a magical night. 

we went to see the movie of our favorite book by our favorite author and youtuber, the fault in our stars by john green. 

we held hands the whole time and were being nerds while we pointed out the differences between the book and the movie.

after the movie, he took me home. 

he pulled up in front of my house and i didn't want to get out of the car. 

we looked at each other, eye to eye, and he pulled my face towards his and we started making out.

this was the first time either of us had made out. 

then we both got out of the car and he picked me up, even though he knows i hate getting picked up, and kissed me again. 

i got inside and looked at my phone and i had a text from him that simply said "i love you"

i smiled until i fell asleep that night.

 

 

in the next few weeks, we saw the movie together three more times. 

by the third time, we knew most of the words to the movie. 

so, when we went to the top right corner of the theater to be alone, and someone sat in front of us, we annoyed them and said every thing they were going to say before they said it. 

 

 

that summer, we went to the beach about five or so times. 

i always made fun of him for his shirt and v-neck tan. 

we'd go out and we'd lay on a towel and just have our faces facing each other.

i love looking into his eyes and smiling.

he made me the happiest person ever. 

we would just lie there, holding hands, for a good hour or so before he brought me home. 

to this day, it's one of my favorites memories of the beach. 

 

 

i was stupid for eventually breaking up with him.

i still, over a year later, apologize for hurting him. 

i'm such an idiot. 

we're good friends now, so i still talk to him sometimes. 

i really loved corey, and i still do. i don't think i'll ever really get over him. 

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