Here I was, crying on the floor again. This wasn’t the first time he had beaten me. I would have left him a long time ago, but I couldn’t because he threatened to kill me. I just hope that one day I will find a way to make all these scars on my body a part of someone else, someone different, so I can start over and be free of my crazy boyfriend…
I can remember what happened in the past two hours so vividly in my mind that more tears stream down my face. My boyfriend Josh was home while I went out to get us dinner. When I came home, I noticed there were beer cans thrown everywhere and empty. I sighed and brought the food to the table and he stumbled his way over.
“What did you get this time? The same Mexican shit as last night?” he said grumpily.
“No actually I got Chinese tonight. I hope you don’t mind.” I said trying to be as calm and nice as possible knowing what would happen if he got pissed while drinking.
“I guess it will have to do because you’re ass is broke.” I have to go along no matter what he says even though he is lying, I thought.
I put the food on plates and we ate. About halfway through, Josh dropped his food on the floor and my dog, Mack, went running over to eat it.
“Get the fuck away you filthy mutt!” he yelled and hit Mack.
“Hey! You don’t need to hit him,” I say getting up and rushing over to my whimpering dog.
“He is just a little hungry that’s all. You can’t blame him for wanting food, Josh! You would do the same if you were in his position.” I say a bit louder than expected.
“Well I’m not in his position, and you shouldn’t be talking to me that way, bitch! Now clean up this mess, I’m done with this shit.” he yells and goes to the fridge and gets more beer. As I clean up I try to contain myself from showing any emotion towards him that will just make him worse.
Once I’m done cleaning up he calls me over to him to watch his favorite TV show with him. I do as I am called for and sit down next to him. About ten minutes into the show he starts getting closer and closer to me. He kisses my cheek first and works his way down my neck. I try to stay focused to the show, but it was hard. Josh started putting his hand up my shirt but, I pushed his hand away. He paused, then his kisses became more vicious. I tried pushing him away not only because I didn’t want him to do this to me, but because he was horrid when he was drunk.
“Stop Josh I don’t want to tonight.” I tried to speak but he put his hand over my mouth and continued what he was doing. I’ve had it! I thought.
I used all my might and fought against him. When he realized what I was doing, he stopped and stared at me with the most horrifying death stare.
“FINE!” he yelled. In that moment I knew what was coming and I was terrified. The strikes came and went. The hits became harder the more he swung. I covered my face, but that didn’t help anyways. It felt like he was never going to stop. When he did stop though, I was trembling all over.
“Go away,” he said, breathing heavily. I got up reluctantly and went into my room. It was a two bedroom apartment so we each had our own room. I shut the door behind me, locked it and went to my bed and cried.
After what seemed like hours of crying alone, I heard Josh go to his room and drink himself to sleep. Mack is laying at the end of my bed sound asleep. I hear a ding, and I roll over to check my phone. It’s 3am and I got a text from my best friend Victoria.
“Hey if you’re up, reply with a smiley face.” I smile, but reply with a crying emoji.
She replies back within seconds, “What’s wrong?” I explain to her what happened with Josh and cry again. Victoria calls me after she read the big huge text.
“Hey.” she says.
“Hey...” I whisper even though I know Josh will never hear me.
“I’m sorry honey. I wish I could be there with you. Is there anything I can do?” she whispers into the phone.
“No, Josh is Josh and this is how he is. I thought I loved him, but it’s too late now to leave and find someone new. I want to leave him Victoria,”
I start crying again, but continue talking, “I want to leave him so bad, but I can’t. Even if I could, I don’t know where I would go. I would live with you but he would find me and hurt me again and I can’t put that pressure on you.” I force myself to stop talking so I can catch my breath and hear what Victoria has to say.
“Well I know you want to leave him and you can’t stay with me, especially if I’m the only other person that knows about him. What about your parents?”
“No I couldn’t even if I wanted to. They pushed me out of their lives when I was in college remember?” I say thinking of the last memory I had with my parents.
“Okay well I have to go, I will come over first thing in the morning and we can talk about everything okay?” Victoria says.
“Okay see ya then. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.” then she hangs up.
I have to get out of here! Who do I know that will let me stay with them? Someone who also will let Mack with me too…
“Goodnight,” I say then hang up. I start crying thinking about the pain Alex must be going through.
“She doesn’t deserve him. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, she deserves someone better,” I say to myself. I have to get Alex out of there and start her somewhere fresh. It’s hard to do that here in Rhode Island. It would be better is she was on the other side of the continent. I thought.