single rose may wither
I perch on the end of Danila's bed, my eyes flickering around his unbelievably messy room. There are few books anywhere, unlike Levi's flat - just a large TV screen and horror films everywhere. He has a few cans of beer in the back of his room, and I know he used to drink back then, but he's drinking more now.
I always thought I was the only one who really suffered after everything, but I think I was wrong. Danila is bombarded with thoughts as well: he hides in trenches with a large gun he can't shoot with. And his hands shake when he thinks back, but he shackles them away so no-one knows.
But Rae and Jas. I feel my eyes darken, and I clench my fists. They never cared for my sister. They're lives fall into a consistent cycle of forgetting, forgiving: they're the foolish circles. They won't remember: they won't blame, pain, hurt, cry, like we do. Do they think of Isabel? Did they love her like we did? I hate them. I hate them all because no-one understands. They think its madness to invest your life into one person, to gamble away a lifetime for a sing love.
They think its messed up: I'm messed up.
They won't remember what really happened the night Isabel died because they're too afraid. Everything happened that night. Every secret spilled out like midnight ink onto a blank parchment. Kisses, confessions, fears, all laid out on the table like a feast for the storyteller. I haven't told any secrets, though. None of us dare to. Our phantoms hover too close.
"You always think about her, don't you?" Danila whispers. When I don't reply - when I don't even look at him - he continues. "So do I. She's always with me- and was it me, Ivory? Was it my fault?" He shakes his head, twilight dark hair over his eyes. "God, I still see the ghosts in her eyes-" I listen carefully to his words. "She was like a phantom, falling into flowers. I think she was happy but I don't know- I don't know-" Danila stands up, raking his fingers through his hair like long knives. I feel like I recognise him: its like looking in the mirror. "Ivory. Ivory. I need to tell someone. I think it was me I-"
"It wasn't you." I stand up, pacing the room. "But it was someone's fault. Isabel wasn't meant to die - I know that much. Someone set us all up." I turn around quickly. "Rae wasn't sorry. She always knew Isabel was prettier than her."
Danila is breathing heavily, his bluebell eyes and his quick smile blended into an expression so close to nothingness that I know, in this drugged state, he'll follow me anywhere.
"I'm ringing Rae.
"And Jasmine- You can call Cory and I'll find out who it was! I'll find out! Call them over, so we can talk properly!"
Danils shivers. "If someone sees us-"
"We'll meet somewhere else then. Where we used to, by the fields. I'll go over everything and I swear to God I'll kill the person who set us all up."
"You can't let anyone know. About me, okay?" Danila grabs me. "I won't tell your secrets. Don't tell mine."
I step away from him, towards the open door. "I'm telling everything. Its all coming out tonight, Danila. You can't hide. None of us can."