I sat on the floor of Antaeiku, staring at the body in front of me. Hide— he didn’t— he didn’t make it. Hide sat about a metre away from me, his eyes closed, but his entire body was covered in blood. It was a mix between his and mine. I failed him. I promised to keep him safe and happy, but I didn’t. Tears were streaming down my face now and I couldn’t control them. I lost him!
The only boy that ever cared for me and loved me is dead, because of me. IT’S ALL MY FAULT! No— it’s the CCG’s fault. They were the ones that made the attack on Antaeiku and they were the people that let HIDE COME HERE! I screamed. And it didn’t stop. The more I screamed, the louder it got and the more it hurt. The pain made it real. The pain makes everything real. It makes the fact that I’m nothing more than a ghoul, nothing more than a freak with only one coloured eye real. I’m half a ghoul away from being one.
Maybe it will all be better if I give myself into the CCG. And I can take Hide with me, and they can take him back to his family. Then they can give him a funeral, one that he deserves. His friends and family need to know that he was a wonderful person, and that he is gone and it’s all my fault.
‘But what if he isn’t dead?’ a voice nagged at me in the back of my head, whispering those words to me. Is Rize back? I don’t want her here at this time! I just lose Hide why won’t she ever leave me alone when I need it?! But what if it’s working? I shook my head and curled up into a ball not wanting to know this is real.
I had to give him back. I couldn’t keep him to myself. His family needed him, something a lot of the people that died today don’t get the pleasure of having. Hide— I love you so much, and it’s all my fault you’re dead now.
I stood up, my crying now under as much control as I could then and there, and walked upstairs in the remainder of what used to be Antaeiku. I wondered around until I came to Touka’s room. She was long gone now. Her scent wasn’t anything recent. I hope Hinami and she got away okay. Hinami has already been through hell, she shouldn’t have to deal with any more.
I looked around the now barren room where Touka used to study and sleep. Now there was nothing but some furniture. I looked around and went to the bedroom where a neatly made bed was sitting. I frowned and walked over to the bed, pulling the top sheet off, and leaving the room.
Leaving Hide hurt more than leaving Touka. Hide didn’t know I was a ghoul, so he didn’t understand why I left, unlike Touka who knew that I was tortured by Jason and that I wanted to get stronger so I could protect them. But now that I was stronger, does that mean they don’t want anything to do with me since I destroyed so many lives, and ran mine more into the ground than it already was.
When I returned to Hide, the smell of blood had begun fading and it made me feel better, not having to smell the boys I love’s blood. I hated having that sense heightened because it made some things worse, because it meant that I truly knew if someone was dead or not, and I hated relying on it.
I gently placed the blanket over him. I wonder if he’s still here. Like his body is dead but his soul still sits in his body, waiting to be taken away or brought back. I don’t want him to leave. I bit my lip as I picked him up in my arms and held him close to my body.
“Please don’t ever leave me Hide. I won’t be able to keep fighting, so if you leave me here, wait for me on the other side. Please?” I was asking Hide’s dead body. The body moved slightly in my arms and I sighed. “I love you Hide.” I whispered to the boy as I began walking.
I would be killed for this. I know it. The CCG wouldn’t let such a dangerous ghoul live, and the only reason I hadn’t given into them yet is because of Hide. But there is no Hide now, just me, and soon there will no me, just us. Me and Hide together forever in death.
The tears were falling from my ghoul eye again, and I wished it would just stop. I didn’t want to cry, they just kept on falling onto the blanket and onto Hide. Oh my love, don’t worry for we shall soon be together.
I wasn’t paying much attention to how fast I was walking; I was just listening to the shouting, following that. From the sound of those orders, it was the CCG. That’s where Hide and I needed to go. I could see their trucks now, people too. Some were standing and helping others out, while some were on the ground, not able to stand up. There was movement in my arms. I’m sorry Hide but I have to do this! I need to be with you!
“IS that him?” I didn’t look at them, but I knew they were talking about me from the codename, Eyepatch. I hated it, but the mask hid the fact I wasn’t all ghoul, but I think they now know why I wear the mask. Tears were falling out of my eye faster and faster and I just wanted to die.
“What’s in his arms?” of course they would ask. They needed to know. Suddenly a gust of wind blew past; the sheet covering Hide flew away with it, showing Hide to the CCG. I choked on air and wept even more. Why me? Why us Hide, why us?
My knees began buckling underneath me and suddenly they were gone, dropping Hide and me to the ground. I pulled Hide close to my body and cried into his neck. His body was warm, extremely warm. Not like it should be if he was dead. I cried at the fact I thought that Hide might be alive, as if that was ever happening.
“I love you Hide, don’t wait for me, I’ll catch up eventually. Don’t stop smiling.” I looked to Hide whose face still wore a smile, even in death. I stood up from Hide, setting his body on the snow that had been falling. The snow caught in his hair making me smile. I looked up and around to see the CCG surrounding me,
“WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? IT’S NOT LIKE I’M GOING TO HURT YOU!” I was crying as I screamed this at them. I wanted to die, I was ready to. There was a light groaning from at my feet, and I looked down to see Hide lying there with his eyes open.
“After I find out you love me, you think I’m going to let you go that easily?!” my eyes widened and I looked around at all the men getting their quinque’s ready to attack me. Shit, Hide! Hide looked around and saw the men and jumped up instantly, almost dropping back to the ground, but I caught him.
“Hide— you’re—” he nodded and laughed, wrapping his arms around me and clinging to me.
“Of course I’m still here, I couldn’t leave you now could I?” I was frozen. It worked. My blood healed him— but did it turn him into a ghoul? I wanted to ask, but now was not the time.
“I need you get you out of here! Damn it Hide! Run!” Hide shook his head,
“Hell no Kaneki, I am never running from you! One, I can barely walk, two I am never going to leave you with these people, I don’t want them to hurt or kill you. You got that Kaneki?!” I nodded and looked around, wrapping my arms around Hide. This was all my fault. Now we are both going to die by the CCG and it’s all because I wanted to die and be with Hide, I didn’t wait long enough. If I had just cried for ten minutes more, or just didn’t come at all and stopped eating so I died of starvation, both Hide and I would be able to live together peacefully.
“Are you a ghoul?” I needed to know. Did I change him, or is he still same old Hide? Still— human, still normal, Hide shrugged,
“Don’t know don’t care. I don’t care as long I get to stay with you.” The tears began falling again and one of Hide’s hands reached up and grabbed my face, wiping away the tears as they fell.
“Hide—” Hide’s smile grew, and he shook his head,
“Don’t Kaneki. I love you too.” I gasped, the tears stopping,
“Could you hear me?” he nodded and laughed,
“I know you kissed me too.” My face flushed and I looked down but Hide pulled my head back up. “Kaneki, do it again.” I wasn’t in control. My body threw itself forwards, connecting my lips to Hide’s. My hands lifted from my sides and one wrapped around Hide’s waist and the other moved to hold his cheek. Both of his hands moved so they were hanging onto my neck and holding me in place.
“I love you so much Nagachika Hideyoshi.” Hide smiled into the kiss,
“I love you too you little idiot.” I laughed and broke the kiss but Hide pulled me back,
“Who’s the idiot here? You’re the one that went and got yourself hurt.” Hide laughed,
“Shut up Ken Kaneki!” I growled biting his lip lightly. God this is going to take a while to get used to! I’m way too in love with this boy, and this relationship just started!