5. Chapter Four
James had tried to make me feel better throughout the week that followed the trip to Dumbledore's office. He bought me chocolate from Honeydukes, but that just reminded me of her. Sirius and I rareky talked, but I think we're better now that the first week has gone by. Dumbledore had even said that the first week after is the hardest and that if we needed him just to come to his office. I felt incomplete now going to the library without her, she always took her time and looked at every book. Then she would go through them again to make sure she didn't want to check one out. Her love for books was her entirely. She was my library date every single day after lunch and before our sixth class. I can't bear going to the library without her, knowing she'll never come back to me. Not back to any of us.
I guess that's what hurts the most, knowing she would never smile at me again. I just wish I would've told her how serious my condition is, but I forgot and didn't. I should'nt have forgotten! This is why she's dead. Because of my inability to tell people how serious my problem is. It is a major problem.
I partially blame my father for this, if he wouldn't have provoked Fenir Greyback this would've never happened. She wouldn't be gone and I could still love her and take her to the library and to the Three Broomsticks for lunch sometimes. I wanted to be with her forever. I'll always remember her standing in her nice dress, staring at the sunset through my dorm window. She insisted on waiting for James to say goodbye before we left. She had the prettiest red lips and rosy cheeks, her brown/ginger hair was pulled into a pony tail, but not completely. Some strands framed her face in curls and it made me so happy to know that she was happy. The happiness doubled when the sun would reach a certain spot and it would make her look like an angel. Now all I see in my dorm is the drapes, because I don't open them to reveal the sunset anymore.
Of course nobody else knows about how she died except for my friends, Mr. and Mrs. Potter and I, but I know everyone thinks I'm depressed. How could I not be? I waited for a long time to even gain the courage to ask her out and now she will never see me again. What am I supposed to feel like? Happiness and Unicorns farting rainbows in a field of flowers? That's what Muggles expect but guess what, unicorns are actually quiet viscious toward people. Muggles aren't the brightest bulbs in the chandelier of life.
At least I have pictures of her, I don't know what I would do if I didn't. I really want to know what Mr. and Mrs. Potter think of the matter. I completely understand if I can't be around James anymore. I would never want to have my own children around the type of person I am.