Everything is awkward. I don't go to the Potter's house because of it. James is constantly telling me that his parents don't blame me, I don't believe him.
"Hey," James said two weeks ago, "There is a letter in one of Melanie's drawers that has your handwriting on it, I thought you might want it back. Come over sometime and get it, we are pretty busy here at the house."
I don't want to go.
Simple as that.
If I go I'll probably hurt myself on purpose...I don't want to go.
But I have to because I do want that note back. Of course I am angry because she never got to see it, but at the same time I am relieved because I cannot remember what I wrote. I hope that she never actually read it. I wrote that note way back in my first year at Hogwarts, so there is some embarassing things in there I bet. Nevertheless, I have to go.
James is making me travel by Floo Powder, he knows I cannot possibly end up in the correct place without supervision. And when I say that I don't mean like a child, I mean like when you know you'll fail unless someone is holding your hand through it.
I ended up saying yes to James in th long run of it all, so I guess I'll go over now, now that I know Sirius will be there too, he's there every Tuesday.
Sirius was shocked to see me. James did not tell him I was coming as I thought he would. I still had Sirius go with me into her room, even though he nearly refused until James punched his shoulder. I walked over to her bed slowly, as if a ghost was going to appear at any moment I was off my guard. I felt her made sheets, cold, flat, and lost in nothingness. It hurt seeing all of her possesions strewn across the room knowing she meant to put things in their proper places, but never got to. "Hey!" James yelled from his room, "The thing is on her bed." I heard a silent stifle of a sob in his voice he tried not to let us hear, but I knew Sirius heard it too, no doubt in my mind.
The note did indeed have my handwriting on it, I recognized the envelope that I used because it was a Quidditch one. I gently took off the seal and pulled out the parchement.
I do not know exactly how to say this, so I chose to write it out in the form of a letter. I love you so much, I know Sirius likes you too but I wish I could have you and treat you like the wonderful, beautiful, most perfectly amazing girl in the entire world and nobody could replace you in my heart. The way you look at me and smile that adorable cheeky grin is really what makes me appreciate being around. I know you probably chose Sirius over me, but if you didn't, I hope to one day make you my wife. We could have kids too, if you want to risk it. (If I haven't told you about the risk by now ask me.) In all seriousness I have lovedd you since the day you walked into the compartment on the Hogwarts Express and scared the chocolate out of me. I was extremely jealous when Sirius called you beautiful and ade you smile, I wanted to be the first of us to do that. But I do understand that I had the oppourtunity and missed it, and I will be forever upset about it. So if you did wait until we were in our seventh year to read this and didn't cheat, know that I love you forever.
But promise me this, my Melanie, don't let anyone change you because if you change I will quite frankly be sad and you will be too.
I love you more than chocolate, books, and the stars in the sky,
Remus J. Lupin
Sirius read this note over my shoulder, and I could've swore I felt a tear slip down my shoulder and onto my shirt. I wondred why he wasn't angry at me for what I wrote. But he is a very forgiving person when it comes to our beloved Mel.