Fuck it, I'm learning

My life isn't a movie, it's not a book with just one ending and I can't just throw it in the trash and start over. I have to live with the choices I make, even if my choices send me straight to hell.


2. the boy-thing

Okay so, I guess the last chapter sort of filled you in on little details that help this story move along. Each chapter of this story will be based on a different person. This chapter is going to be based on a boy I may be in love with. He's my sort of "boy-thing."

When the boy-thing and I were in grade ten, he celebrated his one year anniversary with his girlfriend. A couple months before that, we sexted, a lot and it was a continuous thing where every night after midnight, the boy-thing would get really horny and we would get to talking. You get the picture.

At the time, I really didn't consider how this sexting over Facebook messenger thing would affect his relationship or the friendship and he and I shared.

A lot of people tell me that I get too attached, too involved and too emotional. They're right! Apparently to guys, sexting isn't actually a huge deal but to me, it is.

The sexting began to start right after he and I took a school choir trip to the "big apple." We were coming home on a thirteen hour long bus trip and we didn't get home until 1am so most of the ride was in the dark. We had just finished watching the musical Chicago and we were really into the movie. We began to cuddle and the sexual tension between us began to rise. He told me that he wanted to kiss me, although he didn't end up actually doing it. That's when it started.

After he broke up with his girlfriend, I was the happiest girl on earth. I mean, sure, I was sad for him and for her but, deep down, like really deep down, I was hoping that now it was my turn to be the girlfriend. But, no girl likes being the rebound.

It was kinda downhill from there, he stared acting really weird around people and he just seemed down all the time. I didn't know what it was or why he was acting that way, no one knew. He didn't start warming up to me until he heard me sing a solo in a choir concert. The two words that gave me hope were "good job." Those are the two words that rekindled our friendship and brought us closer together.

Two months later, I was in the South for March break. And guess what? He began sexting me over Facebook again :). He said, and I quote "isn't it funny how when you're a whole country away, we decide to get horny for each other?"

That wasn't the last of the boy-thing. Nono. When my school Drama team went to the annual competition, the boy-thing and I "hooked up". And by hooked up, I mean like just made out and dry humped and had deep conversations. He said that it was no strings attached before we started kissing but, for me, there were strings alright. I was tied up and hung with all the strings attached.

After we spent the night together, he told me that I should go for another guy and basically shut me down. Ever since then, I've been subtly flirting with him and trying to get him to take a hint and ask me to prom. So far, it ain't working. He just doesn't take a hint.

I'm not going to stop trying though. I'm not really sure if I love him or I just love the idea of being the girlfriend to a guy like him. Whatever the case, it works for me.

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