Fuck it, I'm learning

My life isn't a movie, it's not a book with just one ending and I can't just throw it in the trash and start over. I have to live with the choices I make, even if my choices send me straight to hell.


1. fml

It's senior year, all my friends are virgins, we're not the most popular people but we have fun... playing cards against humanity.  But seriously, the boys in my school have corrupted me, I find myself doing things to please them and trying so hard just to get them to notice me.  I'm legit failing a class because I was too stupid not to drop it because my "boy-thing" was in it.  This isn't a book about how girls need to do the right thing and stay pure or how we girls need to ban together and stick up for our rights or about how my last year of high school totally fucked up my life, which it did.  This is a story about how I- Molly Baxter- fucked up and still made out okay.

So, where to begin. Okay, I guess I'll start with how I cheated on my middle school boyfriend with his best friend. And by cheated, I mean like just sexted, except in grade eight no one had cell phones so we just passed notes in math class. Ever since then, the best friend and I have had a thing. We dated for a few days in the tenth grade but then he asked me to suck his dick so we broke up. See, I was pure at one point. From then on, we've still had a secret thing. The only thing we actually did was make out in the music room and on stage and stuff, nothing really scandalous... Yet.

When we both started grade 12, he became a fuckboy while I remained a proud and happy virgin. My best friend and I would talk about having sex with our boyfriends, who didn't exist yet. But I never thought that it would happen with a guy I loathe. Well, I guess I did like him at one point. So.... My brother moved away a couple months ago and my parents left me home alone for two nights so, like most teenagers, I threw a party with a few friends.

The party started out pretty normal, you had the satan-worshiping sober sister, her nerdy and cynical boyfriend, my judgemental best friend, my other blonde slutty friend, her hot-used-to-be-the-love-of-my-life fuck buddy, my middle school ex boyfriend, and his best friend, the fuckboy. They brought alcohol, we played music, and a stripping game, one thing led to another and we were all close to or pretty much naked, except for the satan-worshiper. I went to my room to get changed and there was the fuckboy, leading me on, and me being a drunk, vulnerable, horny teenager, lost her virginity to him. I spent the next few weeks trying to forget about it and denying the whole thing, but it didn't work, nothing worked. So I just said fuck it and gave in. So now if people ask me if I'm a virgin, I have to say no.

It was probably the weirdest night of my life but I had a lot of firsts so, unfortunately, I can't forget about it. Let's see, I freed the nipple, had sex, got drunk, made out with a girl, and saw four penises. Some of those seem pretty bad but high school is about discovering who you really are and it turns out that I'm a sarcastic bitch who hatefucks and kisses other people's fuck buddies. Oh well, that's life.

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