~Depression (noun) - Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy.
Some days were worse than others.
Some days he was happy, well as happy as one can be while still feeling empty and alone, and why shouldn't he be happy? He has a loving family, friends who have stuck with him through thick and thin, and last, but certainly not least, he has Zayn; gorgeous, caring, lovingsupportive Zayn. He couldn't for some reason figure out why Zayn was even in love with someone like him in the first place. He was just weird, quiet, depressed Liam.
Some days though, some days were down right awful. On those days he wouldn't talk to anyone. He would just sit in his room with the music as loud as it could go. Trying as hard has he could to fight off the voices telling him hewasn't good enough, wasn't funny enough, cute enough, smart enough. The voices that constantly no matter what he did would not go away, and he'd done a lot.
On those days, Liam's parents would sit in the living room, knowing they couldn't do anything to pull him out of the dark place he was in, but hoping and praying their son would be okay. The doctor told them it would be a long road, but they just had to keep moving forward the best they could.
Those were also the days when Zayn would come straight from school to Liam's house; murmuring a faint "Hello" to Liam's parents while making his way up the stairs to Liam's room. Taking only a moment to kick his shoes off by the door and dropping his backpack to the ground. He then crawls into his boyfriends bed and wraps him in his arms. He plants small kisses on the back of Liam's neck and whispers 'I love you's' and 'you're perfect's in his skin over and over hoping one day they would sink in.
Sometimes, when Liam is having a bad day and he's struggling to keep from going under, he thinks about before he started seeing Mrs. Griffith and before he met Zayn. Thinks about how bad things were, and about the reminders he has left covering his thighs. He thinks about how even if it's only slight he's made improvement, and he'll make it through this too.
But there are some days that it's so dark he can't see anything but the weird looks people throw his way, and hear the whispers of 'freak' and 'faggot' that follow him.
On those days, Liam hustles through school eyes to the ground; staying focused on the time constantly watching and waiting until he can finally escape that prison. But the real prison was actually in his mind, and that was something he could never seem to escape no matter how hard he tried. He would walk home with his head down, hood up, and earphones in blasting his iPod on shuffle. Trying to block out the echoes of the negative comments, thoughts, and all the things Liam found it difficult not to believe about himself.
Liam knew Zayn was always serious about the things he said. He just couldn't figure out why Zayn couldn't see what everyone else saw. Why he was wasting his time and strength trying to help a lost cause?
Zayn knew the truth though, and he hoped and prayed everyday that day would be the day. The day Liam would finally realized how beautiful and truly wonderful he was. How his smile could light up a room, if only he would show that smile a little more. How lost Zayn would actually be without him. How truly dark the world would become if Liam decided he no longer needed to exist.
It's hard loving someone so much, and seeing that they hate their self even more. Zayn remembers all the times he helped clean Liam up after a really bad day. Days he would never take back because he was the one there to help Liam. He wanted to help Liam in anyway he could and those were the days he has fallen the hardest. He was glad Liam trusted him enough to allow him in. Although, all those times, he also cried for the beautiful boy who didn't believe anything was wonderful about himself.
Liam didn't know Zayn cried. He thought Zayn was as tough as they come. Zayn was his shelter. Shelters don't have weak points... Do they?
This shelter does. Zayn tried his hardest to never show his weakness in front of Liam. He has to be strong for Liam's sake, because if he was to break in front of Liam? He doesn't even want to think about how Liam would react.
He wants to think that Liam would be okay and wouldn't do anything. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, right? He doesn't want Liam to see him break down and think it is his fault somehow. Zayn cries because he cares about Liam with his whole heart. He doesn't like seeing Liam hurting so much like he does, and he tries all that he can to help Liam. It just seems like nothing works, but he will never give up on Liam. He loves him so he will do everything he can to help him get through this. No matter how hard it gets or how long it takes. He will always be there for Liam. To comfort, protect and care for him in any and every way that he can.
It had been a bad week. Liam was on his bed, knees pulled up to his chest. Normally, Zayn would be right next to him, but tonight Liam won't allow Zayn near him.
"Babe, you need to talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." Zayn said moving to sit on the edge of Liam's bed.
Liam looked up, tears running down his face. "I just don't understand", he choked out, "why are you here? You could have anyone you want and you're wasting your time with me." Finally voicing the thoughts that had been haunting him for weeks. "I'm broken Zayn, beyond repair. I'm not good enough for you, for anyone. You'd be better off to just leave and not look back", he finished.
Zayn stood up, and Liam thought he had finally had enough, but suddenly he was right in front of him tilting his face up to look right in his eyes.
"Liam, I am not leaving you. I don't care how many times you tell me you're not worth it. I can't stand to see you looking so upset. It tears me apart knowing that no matter what i do, you'll never believe me when i say you're the most beautiful boy in the world."Zayn wiped the tears off Liam's face, "I don't care if you're broken, everyone has a few broken parts, you're perfect for me and I love you more and more each day, okay?"
Liam gave a slight nod before reaching out and pulling Zayn too him, needing his shelter around him "I love you too. I'm sorry. I'm trying, I swear, it's just hard."
Zayn wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in as close as possible, "I know babe, and ill be here every step along the way."