~“Don’t leave.” Her voice breaks through the early morning silence. She must have woke up while I was packing. I feel the sadness in my heart deepen. Her hand gently grasps my wrist. “Please?” Her voice is meager, tiny, fragile. It breaks me. The darkness in the room forbids me to see her clearly, to look her in the eyes one last time, but damn just the sound of her voice makes me want to crawl back in bed with her. To wrap my arms around her body and pull her close to me. To never let go of her. If only time allowed. “I can’t, baby.” I say back to her. The only response I can muster up. I feel tears swell in my eyes. The sound of the sheets ruffling signals her movement. Soon I feel her arms pull me closer than ever before. I can’t help but rest my face in the warm crook of her neck. “I love you.” I say to her. “I love you.” She whispers. We stay in our current position for what I’d hope to be forever, but soon I must go. I pull back and press my lips to hers one last time. I take in how soft, yet chapped they are, how passionate she is. “Goodbye.” I say grabbing my bags and heading towards the door. All I can see is her silhouette in the dark room. The last thing I say to her before I walk out the door for good is, “I’ll be back for you.” I hope she can believe it. She needs to know that I mean it.
“What a crowd tonight!” Our manager says, taking a look at the waves of screaming people waiting to see my tour mates and I. I nod. He’s right. There’s a lot of people here tonight. Everyone’s yelling our name, waving their signs. I should be pumped. I should be ready to go out and give the performance of my life, but all I can think of is my girl. It gets me by to just, picture her in the crowd smiling back at me. My heart warms to know she’s proud of me. Now that I think about it, it’s not really fair to her that I’m always away. She deserves someone who can be there with her all of the time. Every time she wakes up, I’m leaving. It’s not fair, I know, but I can’t let her go-won’t- let her go. If I ever lost her, I don’t know what I’d do. I feel a hand on my shoulder. “You okay, mate?” Liam asks. I bite my lower lip. Am I? I hear him sigh. “I know she misses you right now. I also know you miss her too. Go out there and knock ‘em dead. For her.” He says. I nod. I just don’t have the energy though. I really need her. How long can I keep doing this? Going back and fourth? How long can I pretend to be okay? Pretend I don’t miss her kisses, or the way she giggles when I compliment her, or the way I’d look at her and she’d be looking right back. “On in 20 seconds!” The stage tec. yells. I quickly remember what I last told Simmy. “I’ll be back for you.” That made me feel a little better than I did before. Because I know it’s true. Soon enough I’ll have her in my arms again.
“What the hell do you mean you’ve added six more shows to the tour?” Paul sighs. “Look, Zayn, I’m sorry. I know you want to go home, but right now your career comes first. You knew that before you got involved. Job first, relationships second. I tried to warn you it wasn’t a good idea to get in a relationship…” I sigh and fight back tears. “This is bullshit!” I yell. “Zayn…” Niall warns. “No! Fuck this!” I get up and storm out of the building. What the hell is happening to me? I’ve never been into someone ,like I’m into Simmy, before. I feel like I’d do anything for her. I finally let the tears fall and lean against the nearest wall to steady myself. I slide down until I’m sitting. Through my blurry vision, I pull out my cell phone and dial Simmy’s number. I hear the loud trill fill my ear. “Hello.” Her angelic voice answers. “Babe.” I say. I try to hold back the weakness in my voice. I try to keep it together for her, but it’s hard. She can hear my voice crack. “Zayn? Zayn, baby, are you okay?” I sniffle. “I really need you right now.” I say. I hear her release a long sigh. This isn‘t the first time I‘ve called her like this. She‘d tell me she has school and work. She cant just take off and leave for another country to see me. But I really need her this time. “I’m sorry.” She says after a while. “Please?” I beg. I’ve never begged before. For anything, but I’m willing to beg right now for her. I’m 100% willing to get down on both knees and beg for her right this moment if that’s what it takes to see her again. “I know it’s hard…” She says. I can hear the pain in her voice. “Shit! Please, please please?” I whisper. “I’m so lost. It wasn’t hard at first. I could get by just thinking about you. Like, I feel as if I’m hurting way more than I should be. I’m just having a hard time being away for so long. I feel so lonely, and empty, without you here.” I manage to say. “Zayn, I feel exactly the same way. This is hard for me too! But I can’t just get up and leave right now. I just…I really miss you. I wanna be with you. You’ll be home soon, right?” Tears come to my eyes again just thinking about the extra six shows that have been added. An extra two weeks away. “Baby…” I try to break the news to her. “You’re kidding right?” She asks bitterly. “This isn’t my fault! If I could have it any other way….I’d be there with you right now. That’s why you should just fly out here for just the weekend. Just two days is all I’m asking…” She needs to say “yes.” My heart can’t take anymore pain. “Zayn…” I sigh. “I love you. Bye.” I say then hang up the phone. I lean my head against the cold wall and rest my eyes. I few seconds later I hear my phone beep. I text from Simmy says, “I’ll see you this weekend xx.” Suddenly the biggest smile I’ve ever had made its way across my face. I feel like jumping for joy and yelling her name. I’m finally gonna see her.
Have you ever been so in love with someone that even the slightest thing they do makes you happy? That’s the way I feel about Simmy. Everything she does makes me happy. Like when she concentrates on something fully, she crinkles her nose and furrows her eyebrows. It’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. The way she still pronounces my last name wrong after all this time, makes me laugh. If anyone else were to do that, I’d be pissed. If someone else were to do most of the things that Simmy does, I’d be pretty pissed. I miss her kisses, I miss her laugh, her touch, her voice, her. That’s why when she called and told me her flight got cancelled I was furious. It seems as if nothing goes right for me. Life just won’t give me a break. It’s not like I’m trying to steal something or rob a bank. I just want to see my girlfriend. “Zayn…” Liam walked in to see me sitting on the sofa. I glanced up at him, sure I looked a mess. “You okay, buddy?” He asked flopping down next to me. I felt the tears creep up on me again. I nodded ‘no’, and he hugged me. “Why don’t you talk to Paul about taking a few days off?” Liam suggested. I never thought about that. I’m sure Paul would never let me, though. I sighed. “It won’t work.” I told him. “Well…what if your favorite best friend asked for you…”
“Niall asked for me?” I joke. I hear Liam scoff playfully.
“Did you just pick Niall over me?” He lets go of me, releasing me from our hug. I chuckle. “Wow, Zayn. I’m highly offended. I’m out of here.” he says standing. I laugh for the first time in weeks. “Sorry, mate. So you asked for me?” Hope engulfed by body like a tsunami. Hope was soon replaced with joy as Liam informed me that I could go for the weekend. I stood and kisses his cheek. “You, Liam, are now my favorite best friend.” Liam fist pumped. “Take that, Niall!”
As pull up to my apartment, I’m just bursting at the seams with happiness. I’m finally gonna see Simmy! I pull my bags from the trunk of my car and walk up to the door. I can feel my heart beat faster. I want to surprise her. As I open the door, I feel my heart become concurred by the overwhelming sense of being home. I drop my bag and walk to our room. I can hear the TV on. Outside of the door is her unpacked suitcase. I slowly open the door to reveal Simmy lying on the bed studying. I smile at the sight of her. Her hair’s in a messy bun, and she’s in sweatpants and one of my shirts. “So this is what you do while I’m gone?” I ask. Her head snaps towards me. “Zayn!” She stands and runs at me. I wrap my arms around her, finally. It feels so good to have her in my arms again. “I’ve missed you so much!” She whispers from the crook of my neck. I hold her closer. “I’ve missed you too.” “I can‘t believe you‘re here!” She breathes. A smirk crosses my face. “I told you I’d be back for you, baby.”
The sun hangs overhead outside. The blinds dance in the Sunday evening air. My heart lies, content, in my chest. Simmy rests on my chest. I caress her bare back and kiss her forehead. “When are you leaving?” She asks. I sigh quietly. “Tonight.” I whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
“But I just wish-”
“It doesn’t matter, Zayn. It is what it is. You have to go. I understand. I’ve accepted that if I’m going to love you for the rest of my life this is how it’s going to be. Am I sad? Yes. Do I want you to leave? No. But there’s…there’s nothing I can do about it.” She sits up and looks me in my eyes and my heart malfunctions. She’s so beautiful. I can’t help but lean in and kiss her. She kisses back passionately. I feel her hand move to my waist, and I flip us so I’m hovering over her. Every time we touch, I only want more. I kiss down her neck, taking in her scent, savoring her skin. I glide my hand up her thigh and squeeze her soft flesh. Every part of me tingles when she groans and runs her hands down my back. “Please.” She breathes. “Please what, boo?” I ask as I kiss across her collarbones. “Please tell me you’ll be back.” I look directly in her eyes.
“I’ll be back.” I whisper. “Tell me nothing’s going to change. Tell me you’ll stick with me. Even when I’m not here.” She smiles.
“I will.” I kiss her sweetly. That’s all I want to hear.
The sound of my suitcase zipper is the only sound that penetrates the room. I look over at Simmy. She sits up in the bed and looks at me. “God, this sucks.” She whispers. I nod. She’s right. It does suck. But the fact that she’ll stick with me through all of my departures makes me feel a bit better. She stands and walks over to me. I pull her into a tight hug. “I love you.” I say. “I love you.” She says back. We stay in our current position for what I’d hope to be forever, but soon I must go. I pull back and press my lips to hers one last time. It’s funny how often we go through this routine, yet it still hurts to say, “Goodbye.” I grab my bags and head towards the door. She nods. I turn, right before leaving, and look at her. She’s stunning. I smile. “Babe.” I say.
“Yes?” She asks.
“I’ll be back for you.” I mean it, and she knows it. She believes it. Simmy smiles.