We were mates, that’s all. Nothing more, nothing less. But I wanted it to be more. I wanted it to be so much more. I knew she didn’t like me that way, though. I mean, she dated Louis for three and a half years. She freaking loved him. How did I know that? Every time she looked at him, she got a smile on her face and a beautiful glint in her gorgeous brown eyes. Sure, I got the smile. But I never got the glint.
I guess now, looking back on it, I never deserved her in the first place. I was an awful best friend to her. I broke her heart. Well, I myself didn’t do it myself. But I was the cause of her heartbreak.
Her, Louis and I were hanging out one day at her house. She was happy; laughing, being crazy with Louis, her usual self. Louis got up to get a drink of water, and she turned and started talking to me. I don’t even remember what the conversation was about. All I could do was watch her lips move. Then, – before I even knew what I was doing – I kissed her. I regretted the kiss immediately, (but in the back of my mind I didn’t; I had been wanting to kiss her for seven years) but I was surprised (and couldn’t help but love it) when she suddenly kissed me back.
I had seen her and Louis kiss before. It was usually just a peck, or a five-to-ten-second kiss. This one was filled with much more lust than what I had seen, and she kissed me back deeply.
The sound of glass breaking made us fling back. Louis was standing there, with a pile of broken glass at his feet. His jaw was unhinged, and his eyes were wide. “She kissed me first!” I yelled out of panic. Louis looked from me to her, then turned and walked away. “Louis!” she began, obviously startled. “Save it,” Louis hissed, turning and walking out the door. “No!” she jumped up and scrambled after him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Louis please! Please!” But he was already gone.
She turned on me. “I HATE YOU!” she screamed, stabbing me in the heart. “I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! GET OUT OF HERE!” She sobbed and stomped by me, screaming nonsense. Saddened, I left her house.
Yeah, what a great lad I am, right? The code states no flirting with sisters, female friends, and especially girlfriends. I made a mess of myself by lying to one of my best friends, I destroyed a relationship between two of my best friends, and I lost my love. I’m fucking Romeo.
I looked up from my journal. I was laying on the floor of the studio, on break. I needed to get the story off my chest; my journal was completely blank otherwise. Louis walked in, chatting happily with Niall. I swallowed and looked up at them. “Hey, Harry. What’s that?” Niall asked, his voice rich with a familiar Irish accent. “Nothing,” I closed my journal and shoved it into my bag. Niall and Louis looked confused for a moment, then continued talking, taking two of the chairs.
I looked around and swallowed. It had been three months since the mistake. Everyday the lie that I told Louis, the kiss that was never meant to be…. They haunted me. I couldn’t sleep at night, and I couldn’t act the same around Louis. If he knew something was up, he never questioned me about it. He probably thought I missed her as my best friend, or that she had cheated on him with me.
Suddenly, the words were out before I could even think about what to say: “I kissed her first!”
Louis looked up, startled, as Zayn and Liam walked into the studio. “What?” Louis asked. I looked around at my friends, and inhaled sharply. There was no turning back now. “I…. Kissed…. Her….. First….” I replied slowly, as though I had to think of each word before I said it.
Louis’ eyes clouded with emotion, but the one that stood out the most was hurt. Hurt that I had kissed his girlfriend first, hurt that I had lied to him. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind. I hated myself. Louis was innocent, carefree, sweet, and loyal. He didn’t deserve this.
“I’m…. I’m sorry….”
Really? Was that the best that I could do? I frowned, knowing I would lose Louis now, and most likely the others as well. I felt tears well up in my eyes at the thought of losing them. Then, Louis spoke out, using the four words I never thought he’d use: “Do you love her?”
I slowly looked up at him, “What?” I stammered, feeling a tear slip down my cheek. Louis squatted down in front of me, “Do you love her?” he asked again. A thousand thoughts rushed through my head. How could Louis be so kind and gentle to me after I lied to him and kissed his girlfriend? I choked on my own words, only getting out a single answer. “Y-Yes.”
Louis smiled and stood up, “Then go after her mate!” I slowly stood up, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand. “You’re not…. You’re not mad?” I asked quietly. Louis smirked, “Nah. I always knew she loved you, anyways.” I shook my head, “She always loved you, Louis. Did you see the way she always looked at you?” Louis looked as though two bunny ears had just popped out of the top of my skull. “That’s all in your head mate. She loves you! Now get out there and show her how much you love her!”
Louis shoved me towards the studio door, and I thanked him quietly, apologizing one more time. Louis dismissed me with a wave of his hand and opened the door for me. As I left, the boys called “Good luck” to me. I sure as hell would need it.
I walked up her front porch and stopped, staring at her door. I finally got the courage to get up and ring the doorbell. A few seconds later, the door flew open. There she was, standing there. The love of my life. She was dressed in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, her hair tied up, and no makeup on at all. And she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
The moment she saw me, I saw a smile suddenly appear on her face. But the smile vanished immediately. “I thought I told you to get out and never come back,” she growled darkly, leaning against the doorframe. She grinded her heel into her floor, and I smirked; I knew her all too well. I knew she always would grind her heel when she lied or tried to hide something.
“I…. I came to apologize,” I began slowly. “So, I’m sorry I kissed you and then lied to Louis. But…. I talked to Louis and he’s okay.” She stood up straight. “Louis’ okay?” she asked quietly. I nodded. “And…. I really miss you and I need to talk to you again and I know that you probably still hate me but it’s been three months that I’ve had to spend without you and I love you so much and…..” I continued to ramble, but was cut off by her laughter.
She continued to laugh, and then stepped to the side of the doorway, holding her arm out. “Come on in, Harry,” she smiled warmly at me. “We have three months of catching up to do.”