"Everything is contingent, and there is also chaos."

Contingent (Adjective):
1. Dependent on something that is uncertain
2. Something that may or may not happen; possible


20. Chapter 19: Time Out

Luke P.O.V.

I opened my eyes to a new day. Something felt different. The room felt empty. I looked over to the other bed and she wasn't there. Maybe she went to the other room? Yeah, Lou is probably there. 

I put on a shirt quickly and ran over to the other room. I knocked repeatedly on the door. 

"Merry Christmas!" Ashton said as he opened the door. He looked at me concerned. "Are you ok?"

I asked, "Is Lou with you guys?" 

"No why?" 

I left back to my room where I found a large, long box wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper that I didn't notice there this morning. I decided to leave that for later. I looked in the closet where we would leave our coats. Hers wasn't there. Fuck! Where is she? 

I took a deep breath and went over to the box. There was a note there too. I ripped the paper off to reveal a brand new guitar that I've always wanted. The guitar was bold cerulean blue around the border and blended in with a dark lime green. It also had small stripes for design. Wait, what?

I open the enveloped note. It said:

Merry Christmas! Luke, you're an amazing person and you mean so much to me. Lol kind of sounds like before we started dating and I fangirled over you but I really mean it now... Anyways, being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

If you want to know how I got this... I might love listening to music, especially bands. I don't know anything about music! So, while we were playing hide and seek, I was thinking about what I was going to give you today. Since I got the idea when I met up with Cal and he was near the lobby to exit the hotel, I was like hey why not go out with Cal since he obviously knows a lot about music. We ditched the game and got some food (food is life!) then went to the music store. 

You're the best! But sometimes I don't know if you feel the way....

Lou :P  xoxox

Lou P.O.V. 

The white blanket of snow crunched every time I stepped on it with my boots. The wind was freezing and I bet my cheeks and nose were a rosy red by now. At least the coat, my hat, scarf, and hair were keeping me warm. Hair because it's almost like a scarf too! 

I don't even know what I want to do, like it's Christmas and most of the the stores are closed. I mean I'll just walk around the city and see what I find. 

I wonder how Luke felt this morning. He wouldn't mind right? I really hope he likes his gift. Cal told me he was saving up for that guitar. And I got it! Yay! Sometimes I don't know if I do the right thing. But fuck I got to do what I feel like doing! It's the best feeling! 

I passed by a salon that seemed to be open. I should fix my self up today. I looked around to see if there was any sign that it was open. I decided just to open the door. Once I walked in, it was completely empty and a lady with long wavy brown hair with blonde highlights approached me. 

"Hi, my name is Rachel," she greeted, "what would you like to do with your hair today?" She had an accent but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Uh, hi. I don't really know," I said. 

"How about a trim? I could fix up those curls for you." She had a Puerto Rican accent.

"Yeah sounds good." I walked over to the seat where she had her supplies. She came over and started to get what she needed. 

Rachel asked, "So what are you doing alone on Christmas Day?"

"I was staying here with my boyfriend for the Christmas break. We fought yesterday and I was like why not take some time for myself today. And why is your salon open?" I explained.

She started to trim my hair with the scissors. "I didn't have anything better to do today and I think I won't have enough money to pay the rent this month." 

"Oh." Some people have worse problems than I do.

"Does your boyfriend know you're out enjoying yourself today?"

"Of course not. The whole thing we fought about was space wise. Then we said hurtful things to each other. Why would he want to know where I am?" 

"He probably didn't mean it. He's probably looking for you right now." 

I didn't speak anymore, so she could focus on cutting my hair. It was getting too silent. "¿Eres Puertorriqueña? (Are you Puerto Rican?)"

She widened her eyes once I spoke Spanish and smiled. "Ah, si. ¿Y usted? (Yeah. And you?)" 

"Soy panameña. (I'm Panamanian)"

My phone started ringing. I looked down at it. Luke. I'm not in the mood and I didn't answer. 

"¿Quién era? (Who was it?)" Rachel questioned. 

"Mi novio. (My boyfriend.) Who else would it be?"

Luke P.O.V.

I called her again and she won't pick up. Why doesn't she just pick up? I really didn't mean those things.

I flopped on top of the bed and dug my face in the pillow. The door opened and I felt hands on my back. 

"What are you doing, Cal?" I mumbled. 

He kept massaging me. "How come you always know it's me?" Calum asked.

"Because I know."

"Why is Lukey sad? It's Christmas! You should be happy." He tried turning me over. "C'mon Luke." I turned around lazily. He sat on top of me and put his face next to mine. 

"I fought with Lou when you guys came back," I blurted out. 

"Really? Do you know what she got you yesterday?"

"Yeah, I know. She got me the guitar I wanted. She got me the best gift ever. What do I give her? Nothing." 

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Luke. Where is she now?" Cal came off of me and sat next to me instead. 

"That's the problem. I don't know where she is." I laid my head on Calum's lap. "I suck, Cal."

Ashton and Michael walked into the room. 

"Woah, woah, woah! What is this?!" Michael commented. I lifted my head up from Cal to turn my attention to Michael. He was holding up the new guitar. "Who got you this sweet baby? Damn, it's so amazeballs! Like look at it! I wanted one of those too." 

"Lou, got it for me," I answered. I put my head down again. 

Michael kept examining the guitar. I felt Ashton staring at me. "What's wrong? You look more depressed than I saw you this morning." 

Calum answered for me instead. "He fought with Lou and she left." 

"Go look for her then," Ash suggested. 

"Wait, hold up! So she got you this fucking awesome guitar and left you." I nodded. "You know what she needs to hear? A sorry and a thank you." Michael chuckled. 

"I'm not in the mood, Michael," I said. I felt a knot in my throat. 

"We'll help look for her though," Ash continued. 

Calum added, "Yeah, I don't want you feeling that bad about yourself." 

"But I suck." 

"You don't suck. What are you talking about? You're in a band with your best friends. You're the lead singer of the band and most of the girls love you unlike us. You're band is well-know and the best. You're practically living your dream. Stop saying you suck," Ashton spoke. 

"I know. But Lou. She could be out there, probably forgetting about me. That's the reason why she left." I covered my face with my hands. I couldn't take it anymore. 

Cal hugged me and advised, "Look man, just take a shower feel better about yourself and go and find her."

"Yeah, she didn't actually leave because her stuff is here. It's not like you lost her forever. If you don't find her, she'll come back. Don't worry," Michael said. He said something smart, finally. 

I wiped my tears away and sniffled a bit. "I think I should do that, Cal. Thanks guys."

I dragged myself to the bathroom to take a shower. 

• • •

The guys already left the room. 

The words just flew out of my mouth yesterday. 

I put on my coat and left to go find her.

Lou P.O.V.

"Are you ready to see your new hair?" Rachel questioned.

"Yup! I really want to see!" I replied. She turned the chair around. My hair shoulder length again. The curls were so perfect almost like a brand new doll out of a box. They were like bouncy springs. "OMG! I love it!" I really did!

"You know you should really complete the look by putting on some makeup," she suggested. 

"I don't know. I mean I do really wear any."

"That's why! Tienes que mirar hermosa. (You have to look beautiful.) Am I right?"


"Y su novio tiene que sentir como el es el hombre más afortunado. (And your boyfriend has to feel like he is the luckiest guy.)"

"Tienes razón. (You're right)"

"I know I am because you have to wow him sometimes you know. Mira, tengo una amiga que trabaja en Sephora cerca de aquí. ¿Vas conmigo? (Look, I have a friend that works in a Sephora close by. You want to come with me?)"

"After I eat lunch with you, I guess. How much do I have to pay for the haircut?"

She smiled. "Ok, yeah I'm getting hungry too. You don't. It's on me! It'll be like your Christmas present from me to you."

"Really? ¡Gracias! (Thank you!)" I went ahead and hugged her. 

"No hay de qué. (Don't mention it.)" 

We both left her salon and walked the streets of New York together. My phone rang again. I checked to she it was my mom. 

Mom: ¡Feliz Navidad! (Merry Christmas!)

Me: Hey! Merry Christmas! How are you guys doing?

Mom: Having fun. Wish you were here with us. How about you?

Me: Same. I'm in New York with my boyfriend. We're having a fun time out and stuff, you know.

Mom: That's nice. You know I really want to meet him. You should put him on the phone. 

Me: Uh, we're at a restaurant. But maybe another time. I really got to go! Bye! 

Mom: Ok, Lulu! ¡Chao!

Hopefully she didn't hear me lie through the phone. I mean I was going to a restaurant with a new friend I made, right? 

Rachel asked, "Who were you on the phone with?" 

"My mom. I told her I was with my boyfriend." 

"Mentirosa. (Liar) You know you're not. You're really just enjoying the moment," she stated. "I like you."

"And I'm beginning to like you too, Rach."

Luke P.O.V.

I didn't know where to start or where to go. All I knew was that it was freezing outside. It's worth it though, just to find her. I hope no one recognizes me in public or else I won't be able to find, Lou.

Lou P.O.V. 

• • •

"I just feel so weird with makeup, though. I barely wear it," I giggled. "Ok I'm ready. Show me!"

Rachel and her friend, Cami turned my chair around to the mirror. I couldn't believe what I saw. My eyes looked way more nicer than before because the eye liner and eye shadow brought them out. My lips looked fuller and were a light colored rosy pink. 

"Do you like it?" Cami said.

"Of course I do! OMG! Thank you! I don't believe it. I seriously owe you guys. Can I hug you both?" I smiled so widely. 

They came over and hugged me. Cami continued, "No need to thank us. You really deserved it."

"Really did."

I asked if I could have their numbers so I can talk to them sometime or when I needed them to help me out with my style. 

Again, I walked alone in the winter day. I wanted to pass by the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center. I mean it's Christmas. Am I right? 

• • • 

I procrastinated by going into a store where they had this beautiful blue dress. I don't usually wear dresses but I had to get that one. I arrived there to see the large and tall tree. I forgot that there was an ice skating rink next to it. I looked down at the couples and people skating. I wish I could skate with Luke. But he isn't here. Why did I leave again? 

Some guy came toward me. "Hi, miss. Could I ask you a question?"

"Uh, yeah. Ask away," I said nervously.

"I like that girl over there and she seems pretty and nice. How would I ask her to skate with me?" He asked.

Aww, this is cute. "Just say hi and introduce yourself and compliment her. Then when you've done that ask her." I paused. "Oh and have the confidence too. You guys would be perfect together." 

"Oh, thank you." He smiled at me. 

As he walked away I exclaimed, "No problem! Merry Christmas!"

I looked at the guy and the girl talk. I really, really wish Luke was here with me. Suddenly, someone tapped me on the shoulder. 


It sounded like Luke. I turned around to find a tall figure. Luke looked tired. His eyes had bags under them and seemed as if he was crying. His cheeks were a rosy red and nose looked like a red button or even Rudolph's red nose. I didn't know what to say. I stood there looking at his ice blue eyes. 

"I, uh, wow, uh. I don't know what to say first," Luke explained.

"Yeah, same," I smiled to assure him.

"You look amazing." I kept staring at him. "I mean you always do but-"

"Yeah I know. I took some time for myself today."

"Look, I didn't really mean those words I told you yesterday. I care about you a lot and I never want to lose you. Then, you just disappeared this morning and I felt like I lost the most important person in the world."

"I felt bad too. I should've never ran off like that. I should've told you. I also didn't mean what I said."

He leaned in, cupped my face, and our lips touched. It was a different feeling, but it was a good different. This good different was hungry but passionate and gentle but aggressive. We were in rhythm and it almost felt like the first time we kissed. The memory of it gives me feels. 

We broke away but I held on to Luke. My arms were wrapped around him. My face on top of his hard broad chest covered by his coat. He held on to me too with his long arms. I loved him. 

He looked down and spoke, "By the way, I saw you helping out that guy. Lou loves to help others, huh." He grinned.

"Shut up!" I giggled. "Yeah, I do." 

"You know what else I need to apologize for?"


"Not getting you a Christmas gift."

"No it's alright. Don't worry." 

He put on a cheesy smile on his face. "I really love the guitar you got me though! It's awesome!"

"You're welcome."

Luke and I took another time to enjoy the view in front of us.

"You want to skate?" He asked.

I replied, "I don't know how to."

"Do it! It'll be fun."

"Ok, don't you dare laugh if I fall."

We went over and rented some skates. Luke went on the ice first and begged me to go on. I did with the support of holding on to his hands. I couldn't keep my balance at all. So, I kept falling on my ass too many times. The last time I fell I brought Luke to the ground too. We were a laughing mess and everyone was staring at us like what the fuck is wrong with them. 

As we left the rink, someone started following us. We didn't suspect anything until they took out their phone while we were walking back to the hotel. Luke and I were holding hands and that person really just messed up the moment. We decided that we wanted to run a block and catch a taxi so whoever was following could lose us. 

As we started running, I looked back to see who it was. They looked familiar but I'm pretty sure they weren't anyone I knew. Still holding hands, Luke practically dragged me as he ran. We finally reached the block and took a taxi back. 

• • •

We opened the door and Ashton, Calum and Michael ran to us. 

"You found Lou!" Cal exclaimed.

"I guess Luke wasn't the only one who missed me," I commented. Their eyes widened once they got a good look at me. "But hey I'm here."

Before they all left the room, Michael remarked, "Have fun with her, Luke." He winked at both of us. Michael just being Michael. 

Once the door closed I started, "Wasn't that so weird?" 

Luke responded, "What the person following us." I nodded. "I mean I'm really used to. You'll have to get used to it too, especially when we confirm it one day." 

I took off my coat and asked, "When and how are we going say it?"

"I don't know. You have any ideas?"

"A video together or maybe even a livestream? But I don't know."

"Let's not think about that so much then." He laid down on the bed with his arm folded behind his head. 

"I'm cleaning this off and getting ready for bed." 

"Alright, I'll get ready for bed too." 

• • •

I jumped on top of Luke. I did a silly face at him and we giggled together. 


Luke said, "Can I tell you something?" 


"You know I like you better without makeup on. You don't need that on to impress me, you know."

I pecked a kiss on his lips. "Yeah, I know." Again, I pecked a kiss, but on his cheek. "But I know that turned you on." I teased and stuck my tongue. Luke smirked at me in agreement. 

He went ahead and turned off the lights. He decided to jump on me like I did to him. I tried to escape but he hugged me so tightly.

"Kiss me and I'll let you go," he commanded.

I kissed him. "You. You are hot." I giggled when I saw I'm grin. 

I was very sleepy that I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. When Luke put his arms, around me he stated, "I was going to say this earlier but um, our moms are coming over to see us perform. Which means your going to be meeting my mom."

I sat up quickly. "Wait! Liz! Why didn't you tell me before!? I need to mentally prepare for this you know! Like Liz is fucking queen! Oh god! Why? You know what? I'm tired and sleepy. We'll talk in the morning. God damnit, Luke."

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