"What is it that makes a Cat curious?" ~ "What is it that makes you different to me?" ~ "What is it that you see as Normality..." ~ "What are you, Human or Animal?" ~ "Why are you hiding what you are?" ~ "Even if you say you are actually Human, do you really expect me to believe that?" ~ "What is Love to you?" ~ "Do you think Abusive Relationships are okay in the Animal Kingdom?" ~ "How many times are you question yourself in your life?" ~ "Do you feel alone?" ~ "Do you ever feel like being Alone allows you to think like an animal?" ~ "Or... do you feel like Loneliness exists in just Us?" - Luke J.R


10. ~Vision~

Dear Diary,

Today’s word is: ‘Vision’ – I visualize how a situation is going to turn out, I visualize how a scenario is going to play out. My mind focuses on a vision set in the not-too-far-future, and that can usually be within days-weeks, or months-years. We all have our own guess, our own idea of what a situation is going to be like. Especially if you have been the one involved underneath all that low-level drama. Take this for example, you find yourself wanting to talk to a counselor, wanting to see a therapist. You visualize it going okay, but you see yourself going insane, shouting everything at them. – Reality? It never happens, you just talk a basic conversation.

You go over this fear, this thought, over and over, and it doesn’t stop there! You see yourself becoming more aggressive in your vision. You can see how you are letting all your anger out on this one person alone. Reality? It can happen, but it will never be as over-dramatic as you imagined it. I finally told a support-helper, someone who helps you catch up with work, and helps you remain focused on the things that need doing. She was really nice, friendly, and she hadn’t ever seen me before. Several classmates told her that I was this ‘nice person,’ ‘friendly, a real great dude to around, and hang out with.’ Thank you, I don’t agree with that though.

So, I told her almost everything, but I don’t always reveal everything. I can never tell anyone everything. There are always going to be parts that remain a mystery. And I don’t care whether they find it out themselves, I just know that as long as I know all about it, and nobody else knows all the information I know… I feel better about myself, keeping some things away from them. As long as I’ve told them enough to make them see why I behave the way I have been, and why I am behind in work. You can really see how you can visualize a situation going better in your mind. But in reality? It never really goes the way you thought it was going to go.

Luke? How was the talk with her? – Good, but when it got to some information that I knew at the time would make me lose it. I certainly started to look a little insane, and that’s no surprise, I’ve been keeping this back for 3 Years! Enough years, as I thought I could get away from it all, and the fact that she told me I was a very brave person for dealing with all this, and still having the courage to be around others. She really can see that I am very strong in feelings, but I’m not at the perfect strength that I have the potential of feeling.

To end this ‘Word’ I’m going to share with you more information: ‘I told her, but when it came to a certain part:’ (I started looking insane, and that was due to how different I was, I was saying the story a little louder, becoming aggressive with faster words coming out my mouth. You could really tell I had changed again. She now sees me, but is it the real me? Who knows. I don’t even know the answer to that.

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