Before you end up diving into this head first, think about how this word means nothing in reality . . .
I wasn’t going to share this one with you all, the feeling deep down just doesn’t quite feel deep enough. Today, I am talking about the word: ‘Safety’. I feel it’s best to tell you all the stories behind this word alone. You can judge anyone you like, make them feel really bad about themselves, make them feel like suicide is no longer a choice. Oh, but it is, you just ruined their happiness to a point where they feel everything is ruined. Their happiness is what keeps them smiling day in, day out, their happiness is what everyone deserves to FEEL. I’m sorry, but I do not enjoy being around others who throw themselves into harm’s way.
If you are a person who has lost your happiness you are not alone. Stop trying to make things better for yourself, if you have caused grief, misery to someone else. The common word ‘Bully’ it’s a word that we all know by now. If you have been fortunate enough to not have been bullied by someone else, good for you. That doesn’t mean you are going to be feeling SAFE for the rest of your life. Oh, and if you are someone who has had no bullying problems, but you have bullied someone else to be accepted by others. Fuck you.
Sorry, I didn’t want to make this a publicity chapter, a chapter trying to talk to others. No, I wanted to share my stories, my world, my own opinion on this. If you try to make yourself look good all the time, do you think others will care? Answer me this, do you find yourself wishing that your family would notice you more? Do you find yourself begging that your parents will just know what’s up? Yeah, we all wish for something, happiness, friends, family, whatever. It’s always something that others will take advantage of, and you will be left feeling empty.
Fuck Safety, I’m sick of trying to do the right thing all the time. It’s never worked out, not in the long run, it’s always ended with someone spilling tears over me. Like breaking to a girl that you don’t like her that way, but she has had a crush on you, loving you more than ever. Watching those words come out of your mouth in a mirror is all the harder to break it to her. She would then go home, leaving her friends behind, not caring about how the day went. She will be crying endlessly, until she starts to see that the one she crushed was the wrong one to begin with.
I can’t shake the feeling where I’ve done damage to others. Mentally, physically, there is always some kind of damage I’ve dealt without realizing. I’m no Saint, and if you are, you sure as hell need to stay away from me. I’ve been named many things in my life, ‘Loyal, helpful, unique, kind, loving, caring, wonderful.’ The nicknames that I’ve been given by Ex-girlfriends, girls that befriended me. It’s all been a thrilling experience. Endless, that’s just what I want out of this, I want it to last forever. No, nobody can make it last forever, not forever and ever.
“I love you, forever & always.” – So, you will be loving her when you are Six-feet under? You will be loving her when you realize that it has always felt like a dream. And how many wishes come true? None, unless you make it happen. Don’t like it when someone ruins wish? Someone ruins your perfect little fairy-tale land? See, you don’t like others invading in your mind-set. Your world? Your imagination? Do you like sharing that with the world? Or, are you someone who is forced to do that. Not a question, I mean it, are you forced or not? – Is it a question?
Italics, I was going to write in these to begin with. Nope, I wanted to share with you a story. Continue, make sure that you are ready for this.
Not sure what they saw in me, not sure what they see in me today. I’ve lost people in my life, just like so many others out there. We are not alone, there’s always someone out there who has it harder than you. If that is true, which we can easily argue it is true… why, WHY, are we told that our problems matter? Seriously, why do we even stand above those that need HELP more? Are we selfish? Are we really just monsters underneath everything we want to be? Looking at it, no matter how deep you go- you will always find a flaw to us humans.
MAN, oh right, you want to blame it on MAN. Go ahead, hunting, killing, murdering, brutal stuff, right? Sure. But why don’t you also consider the LADIES? Okay, I’ll admit there has been proof that MAN is to blame for more things than women. Good for you, I’m not even being sexist here. I’m talking facts, and I’m giving you an opinion, it all links somehow. Enough of that, I’ll let your mind ponder on whether or not this is sexist. (I’m telling you now, so many others have said this)
To end today’s Diary Entry, I’ll leave you with everything I’ve said above. Always look above, why look below? It’s not like you want to look down, there’s a reason why we always look up . . .