"What is it that makes a Cat curious?" ~ "What is it that makes you different to me?" ~ "What is it that you see as Normality..." ~ "What are you, Human or Animal?" ~ "Why are you hiding what you are?" ~ "Even if you say you are actually Human, do you really expect me to believe that?" ~ "What is Love to you?" ~ "Do you think Abusive Relationships are okay in the Animal Kingdom?" ~ "How many times are you question yourself in your life?" ~ "Do you feel alone?" ~ "Do you ever feel like being Alone allows you to think like an animal?" ~ "Or... do you feel like Loneliness exists in just Us?" - Luke J.R


1. ~Reality~

Dear Diary, 

'A Date Is Not Important, Not Always, Not Ever . . .' Events Always Matter.

There is no denying anything that happens throughout my life. I’ve seen people arrive, come through, open their eyes to something new. I’ve watched countless fall over from their own two root-like legs, seeing them fall on their own faces. Bruised, beaten, injured, I’ve seen just enough to know the agony each individual was suffering. Every once in a while I come across someone standing near the edge of the road, they look on into the midnight sky. And I think ‘Are you really going to walk out into the open road?’ That then got me thinking ‘open road? Goofy Movie, Disney.’ Well, that took mind off things. There is still no hiding the fear that she was going through. She must’ve saw herself several times down that long road. Every corner must be a second chance for her, and the cars that stop to let her pass are just giving her more time to mourn. It’s kind of those drivers to let us just go by, but what about those that are trying to die?

Enough darkness… this ends here. I remember a time where I found myself locked in a room with a few people I could hardly call friends. Those so-called friends were victims like me. Of course, some jokers were amongst us- they left soon after turning off the light so we were trapped looking for a light switch~ mostly blind. No light at all in sight for us, but I remember trying to find that light switch. After feeling around the walls, around the ceiling- by accident. I managed to find the light switch, and the blame soon fell onto me. They blamed me for turning off that light. They got my involved, made me the Enemy of them. I of course was innocent, but looking back at it- how can I be innocent when I stopped them seeing the light? They just wanted to see again, and I too wanted that also. So what was it that made them turn against me? Me being a Hero, it was just me saving the day for these people. And they didn’t thank me at all. They blamed me, mocked me, and made a fool out of me…

Enough sadness… this ends here. I remember a time where my friend was stuck in a real full circle. There was no way out for her, she was just trying to find a way to be loved. To be wanted, to be hopeful, and not deserted. So along came me, the so-called ‘Hero,’ and I just wanted to look out for her. That I did, I made sure she was safe, being cared for, and not treated like an actual doll. She looked good enough to be one of the popular girls, but come on, is it really all about looks with you girls? Sorry. I shouldn’t even go into this topic, but I think I deserve to- I’ve seen several ‘Dolls’ fall down onto their knees, groaning in pain, suffering depression. I’ve watched one carve numbers into her wrists. I guess she just wanted to count the days that were killing her. No, no, I swore that this would be it. No more SADNESS. Sorry, no I am not sorry, I am never going to be sorry when I’m talking about what matters here.

You can hate me for writing like this Diary is more of a throwback to the Past, and not so much focused on today. Well, I’m sure today & tomorrow can wait its turn. Because I’m almost certain that the next days to come will display the consequences. All the events lined up since Day One will come to an end. And whether it’s a happy ending is not my choice at all. I don’t make this decision, I can support them, I can help them, but I can’t change the way they feel. Especially if everyone else has given up on them. I’ve seen a girl lose her temper, but that’s hardly rare. Think about all the times- No. Don’t think about it, this time was different… she was practically trying to be herself. And nobody likes that. Be yourself? Come on, we all secretly have no idea what that means. We are just like: ‘yeah, I know what it means, it’s me being who I want to be.’ No, ‘it’s me being ME.’ If you think that go ahead. Think that.

-The real pain of it all is hearing how that person feels. How each individual is holding onto hope, and still trying to find a way out of this dark tunnel. But the real sadness flows in like a broken river bank crushing everything in its path. That includes those that were missed, those that were left behind. It really is a happy ending for them. But you don’t have any idea! Deep down, deep down, deeper, deeper, you will see that there is still a very loyal, caring, wanting to be noticed, wanting to be forgiven- wanting to be accepted- person in there. They sure fooled you with their fake smiles, their fake giggles, the not-so-obvious faked happiness. The tears are held back like a river bank. Which saddens me to think about the ones that didn’t break through. The ones that still kept going with enough last hope to save them from themselves. Let’s face it, Society has killed them deep down. But buried away is someone who wants to be who they ARE. Who they were born to be. Themselves. They just wanted a chance to shine. And let’s compare it to those that say: ‘I want a chance to shine, be a pop star, be something amazing!’ – But all these poor souls want is: ‘Love, acceptance, friends, family, and anything else that isn’t asking much for in reality.’ Do you still want to be Famous? Sure. Just never forget about those that actually have dreams that are more likely to be accepted. Save them over this hurdle, and you can be racing with them looking for Fame, fortune, whatever it is that you want. Together.

~ Luke J.R

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