"What is it that makes a Cat curious?" ~ "What is it that makes you different to me?" ~ "What is it that you see as Normality..." ~ "What are you, Human or Animal?" ~ "Why are you hiding what you are?" ~ "Even if you say you are actually Human, do you really expect me to believe that?" ~ "What is Love to you?" ~ "Do you think Abusive Relationships are okay in the Animal Kingdom?" ~ "How many times are you question yourself in your life?" ~ "Do you feel alone?" ~ "Do you ever feel like being Alone allows you to think like an animal?" ~ "Or... do you feel like Loneliness exists in just Us?" - Luke J.R


11. ~Mistake~


Dear Diary,

Today’s word is: ‘Mistake’ – I’ve made many mistakes, we’ve all made mistakes, I’ve made a more recent mistake. Hate to say it but it’s true; sometimes on nights where I’m up too late, my voice goes all (High) by high, I mean it sounds like I am High, completely wasted, drugged up, you get the idea. So, I am so (High) but really I am not High, but I sure as hell know what High feels like. All I can say is that I act it very well, that it never fails to convince anyone.

Problem is, I said I was on Crystal (and a girl believed me) I continued the joke not knowing she was taking me for reals, actually believing me. I was like ‘yeah, I have crystals in my bed, I lay on top of them.’ No, I don’t have any crystals, and I sure as hell don’t want any of that either.

My mistake was telling her that I did ‘drugs,’ she believed me, and some nights she’ll ask me ‘you never told me if you were taking drugs or not,’ I told her ‘what do you think?’ She was like: ‘I don’t know, you sound High though,’ yeah, okay I guess I convinced her, and she wasn’t going to take No as an answer. The truth was that I hadn’t taken any drugs on nights, and I haven’t taken any drugs anyways.

So, I’m now stuck with her thinking I am High every night or whatever Night I decide to talk to her. It’s more of a joke than a mistake, but the real problem is here. It’s how she can actually believe I would be High, I’m not a freakin’ dude who just wants to have drugs in my life. No, I was joking, have you not heard of a joke? I only went along with it because it was funny, I did stupid things, laughed, stupid voices, and you get the picture.

A second mistake I made was going too far, there’s always a line that you just can’t cross. Well, flirting can be like that too. If you are too flirty, and you end up getting all 18+ on this stuff, you will find yourself looking away awkwardly as they remind you of every single word you said. One of the most annoying words that comes out of this is: ‘Bae,’ this word is used way too much and I’ve been told countless times

(she hates it) – (she doesn’t like being called Bae) – Sorry, I didn’t freakin’ know that. How do you expect me to know these things? I called her it once, she didn’t seem annoyed at all. Now, I just use it to tease the girls who say they hate it. It’s too funny, as they will be giggling trying to be serious, but it never works!

A third mistake that I’m not proud of is saying that I was with someone when I wasn’t. Sometimes your friends / pals get too in your face, they get way too close your personal life. This becomes a problem when it comes to fucking relationships. Sorry, I didn’t want to curse, but when it comes to stuff like this- it’s hard not to.

Believe me, no matter what you do, you tell one lie and it will backfire on you as times goes on. So, I told my friends my last Ex was a girl who just friends with me, and you know what? I didn’t give a fuck, like I only said it so they would just shut up, stop talking to me about that, and leave me the F- alone. I’ll avoid cursing when I can, but this just annoys me too much. If I say I am looking for someone else, can you please just accept that and stop telling me ‘you need to find a girl’ (You make me laugh, you really do, especially when it’s coming from someone who also doesn’t have a girl. So, you made your point (Lol)

A fourth mistake is crushing myself so much thanks to my own stupid mistake. I liked a girl, her name was Rhiannon, and I thought that it could work- and at first it was just talking, you know? She sent me hearts not long after, and that’s when it started to become a relationship. Problem always was going to be that she was nowhere near me, so I’d have to get a plane to reach her.

You know something? I was going to do it, I had it all planned at one point, but the fact she doesn’t talk to me anymore just proves that I would have wasted my time, my effort, and all my feelings on her for nothing. Believe me, it’s so much easier when you’re the one who can just leave a guy behind, and forget that the guy still has feelings for you, and he actually wants to be part of your life. (You make a promise to each other) you can walk away from it with ease, but do you really think the guy can? (Me) do you really I can just walk away from you like that?

My fifth mistake was in [2015] I told a girl ‘are you coming to this party?’ It was a dare, but what a stupid idiot I was to follow through with it. I just found myself being mocked mostly, just for saying it like I knew her as a person. And there’s me talking like a complete stranger to her, she is obviously going to hate me for it. Worst part? I just feel like she ignores me being there, and you know what? I don’t give a fuck.

No more mistake stories, I’m sick of them to be honest. Do you really think I enjoy making these mistakes that make me lose my character? I feel like every time I fuck up; I’m losing so many sides to me. And I’m slowly dying sinking further into embarrassment and this great stupid pathetic annoying crowd of idiots. Sorry, but I have no respect for any of you (you know who) and I don’t give a fuck simple as that.

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