~DEAR DIARY~

"What is it that makes a Cat curious?" ~ "What is it that makes you different to me?" ~ "What is it that you see as Normality..." ~ "What are you, Human or Animal?" ~ "Why are you hiding what you are?" ~ "Even if you say you are actually Human, do you really expect me to believe that?" ~ "What is Love to you?" ~ "Do you think Abusive Relationships are okay in the Animal Kingdom?" ~ "How many times are you question yourself in your life?" ~ "Do you feel alone?" ~ "Do you ever feel like being Alone allows you to think like an animal?" ~ "Or... do you feel like Loneliness exists in just Us?" - Luke J.R

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8. ~Courage~

Dear Diary,

Today’s word is: “Courage” – Not going to sugar-coat this.

Hello once again, I’m just like always coming back to this Diary, to this ‘Journal,’ I think it’s becoming this problem that won’t go away. So, you can tell your friends that courage is something that you give to each other. Ha, I think 'encourage' would be more suited. It’s hard to believe that one must have the courage to continue in life, but while another can have like no courage whatsoever, and still do fine in life. It’s like comparing everything you think is wrong with you with what everyone thinks is ‘right’ with you.

Courage is not something I’d take for granted, I’d always try to push myself towards the feeling ‘heroic’ atmosphere. I just want that feeling, I ask myself why I need that feeling with me, and it always come back to haunt me at a later date. I know what it feels like to be heroic, I’ve been a Hero for others, I still am today, and I’m somehow a Hero, an Angel Guardian, a freaking ‘Angel’ even for those that I don’t know in real life. Those I have not had the fortunate to meet in my life.

But you know what? That don’t change how I feel about all those people who look up to me. No way, I think to myself; yeah, they may not be here by my side physically, but mentally, and even on Apps, through Social Media, we are One. Yeah, I think Lion King taught me ‘We Are One’ – So, thanks for that lesson, Disney. Then I get the question: ‘who is it that you are helping? What gender specifically relies on you?’ ~ Weird question, but I can see where they are coming from…

Yeah, I’ll admit it’s mainly females who have become friends with me through ‘Real Life,’ – ‘Gaming,’ ‘Movellas,’ ‘other writing websites,’ ‘Forums,’ to just you know what? The freaking Internet! I didn’t ask for these girls to look up to me, I never ever said: ‘Hey, I want you to call me Angel from now on.’ No, this is why I end up in tears, happiness, don’t worry, I don’t feel upset with all this. I’ll admit it can get overwhelming where I just have so many emotions at once.

No, but what really makes me smile, makes me continue my life to the fullest… Is how they themselves chose me as their ‘Angel,’ – ‘Friend,’ – ‘Best Friend,’ – ‘Role Model,’ and I think the reason I find it so overwhelming is because I’m an older brother, I’m the Big Brother, and they may look up to me like some kind of brother sometimes. I’ll admit, a lot of them do see as this Big Brother. . . but at home, here, I don’t see myself as a great influence, a great Big Brother.

So, you can kind of imagine why it hits me so HARD when I find comments like this:

"Hey Luke, you stopped me from making a big mistake in my life, I find you like a turning point, you just somehow have always understood me. And then there's me who still doesn't understand 'me'.

Hey Luke, thank you so much for two years of awesome greatness, I love you!

– “Hey Luke, I just wanted to say that thanks to you I’m still here today, I mean that with all my heart, my parents don’t see me like you do.

– “Hey Luke, I really wanted to tell you this before you went offline yesterday… I see you like a brother, you just always make me smile, feel better about myself, and I just can’t thank you enough!” 

- *Wipes tears* I’m sorry, but when you find Emails, messages, comments like these, all talking about how you have just done this amazing thing for them!

And at the time you don’t see yourself as a Hero, not until you get these messages out of nowhere. They just bring you up, make you feel so great every single day. You tell yourself, ‘I’m still going for them, I’m still here for them.’ That’s why I love ‘Courage’ – they have the courage to talk to me, they have the courage to trust me. And in return I encourage them to not give up, to not let their precious lives come to an end so quickly… they have years ahead of them.

I know, I hate saying that ^^ It’s not always true with everyone, we don’t know when we are going to die. It’s different for everyone, and that’s why I treat every single day like it matters, it counts for something, maybe that’s why I love looking out for others. Maybe that’s why I am who I am today . . .

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