~DEAR DIARY~

"What is it that makes a Cat curious?" ~ "What is it that makes you different to me?" ~ "What is it that you see as Normality..." ~ "What are you, Human or Animal?" ~ "Why are you hiding what you are?" ~ "Even if you say you are actually Human, do you really expect me to believe that?" ~ "What is Love to you?" ~ "Do you think Abusive Relationships are okay in the Animal Kingdom?" ~ "How many times are you question yourself in your life?" ~ "Do you feel alone?" ~ "Do you ever feel like being Alone allows you to think like an animal?" ~ "Or... do you feel like Loneliness exists in just Us?" - Luke J.R

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13. -BREAK-

DRUGS: I've had experience with them, never actually taken a dosage that has killed me or even put my in harms way. Truth be told, I don't find it cool, I just found it as a way to release the pain that had been inflicted during 2016 . . . The reason for why I got into this in the first place is nothing special.

 

It's due to me being on a medication anyways, I became addicted to the medication as I was warned about this by the people who prescribed it me. However, whenever I find myself in a low mood / anxiety- high anxiety, I would rush to whatever room I could, I would have frantic movement of desperation for the medication. This also changes my mood from feeling good about myself to then becoming so angry that I lose control. You could argue and say that I have control over myself, but to me when this happens- its a massive fight just to keep myself away from harming myself. Not with knives or anything, I'm talking about forcefully opening locked containers. Forcefully destroying the drawers, rushing through stacks of items. If I don't find the medication in a short span between 5-10 minutes, I will breakdown on the floor trying to regain all the energy that I lost from the first breakdown. Violent? Yes. The violence comes from my anger with my mind not being able to think right. It's high anxiety, and it's not something that I enjoy about myself. I hate it, and it makes me look like some insane dude who is out for blood. But I promise you now, I have never hurt any family (I won't talk about this any longer).

 

KNIFE EXPERIENCE: Due to getting into a bad crowd at a young age, I found myself being offered weapon deals by some of the other kids. One of them ( I won't name him ) shown me some images on his phone ( whether these were legitimate images showcasing his weapon rack or just stolen from google images ) is another story. I was unaware of whether he was being serious or not. He seemed serious about it, he even asked me 'which one do you need?' At first, I didn't need anything. No weapon at all. When the bad crowd kinda took over me when I was in a low state, throwing myself at something stupid. My mind got corrupted overtime, and things started to happen. By just being a quiet person in school, it never mattered cos even when you are quiet- everyone thinks of you as the 'Bad Boy' - WHY? Because 'The Quiet Ones Are Always The Bad Ones' - It's always the quiet ones. I would hear this from teachers, other kids, and even parents. So, I was already known as a Bad Boy from the very start. It wasn't long until I got involved in bad crowds after suffering a few home experiences. This led me down a dark path, and I found myself being slowly corrupted overtime. I've held knives before, we all have really, but knives in public? Who knows. As for me holding knives in public, I have never drawn a knife on anyone. Thankfully, I can safely say that I never got involved with those who did draw knives on innocent people. As for other groups / gangs? Well, there were some school wars- two schools against each other in a violent battle ( knives, axes, chains, random weapons ) - baseball bats being the most common. BB guns? Yeah, and even one of them actually managed to smuggle in a Rifle. Now, this was the most weirdest time for me, and thankfully I moved away from all this- from moving schools. I no longer live in a dangerous area corrupted by young teen gangs. I've changed, and I still hope that I've changed for the better.

 

GUN EXPERIENCE: Funny enough, I have held a pistol. This all started when I got involved with one of my cousins who already worked in the army, he had weapons from his work. Never commit any crimes with these weapons though. I've used some with my cousin aiding me, so, it was a fun time really. We just kinda practiced on drawn targets. Like I said, it was a fun day out, but I would NEVER draw a pistol or any gun on anyone who don't deserve it. Innocent people remain innocent, I still can't see myself firing a rifle or any weapon at anyone. I feel I don't have it in me, but who knows . . .

 

ROBBERY EXPERIENCE: Nope, haven't ever commit any robberies. There was this one time which upset me when I was younger, I picked up a Pokemon keychain and tried to scratch my back ( my hands were full ) so, it looked like I was stealing the keychain. Oh god, it was so embarrasing, but even more frightening thanks to my dad joking saying he called the cops XD It was really funny when I found out that he wasn't serious ( I was stupid ) and the worker there was a complete ASS HOLE! He just told me to get out of the store before he calls the cops on me. Wow -_- I hope that dude never has kids. Sorry, but if he treats an innocent dude like that, he can go FK himself . . .

 

  So yeah, just some experiences I wanted to share with you all. I'm not really a criminal, and I don't have a criminal record. There is someone who apparently has similar appearance features to me not far away from me. And he is a criminal, he has a criminal record. And the cops have mistaken me for him several times. It's really annoying having to explain to them that you are not that person, and you never wish to be that person! Ugh, I don't know, I'm just sick of accusations or mistakes made by the Law.
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