R.I.P ~ Julia Kiminson (She will never be forgotten, and I don't think I like it when I see a School with a 'R.I.P' sign on a tree with flowers). : ' (
Wasn't going to write again, no, I wasn't going to write another entry. There is just no way I can keep on continuously spewing out these stories. There is too much heart behind every memory, not so happy, not so sad. Why does it matter to you? Well, you might be able to relate. You might be able to live someone else’s life through these tales. You might even be able to seek who you lost through these stories. Someone similar? Someone you once knew? Possible, I wouldn’t say that finding that someone is impossible. You can always find them through dreams, memories, happy thoughts, sad thoughts, and you can always find them smiling, happy, or trying to be happy for you. You might even see them through your own two eyes, but let’s not think about the imaginary world.
Have you ever been given a Knife? – Ooh, I didn’t mean to go there. Ah, I should’ve informed you first. But it’s too late now, it’s too late for that. Too late now to go back on those words. Kind of missed the point there, no pun intended of course. So, was you given the knife by choice, or did someone just place it in your cold –not dead- fingers? Or, did you find this knife in your kitchen? How is that possible? Why use that, it’s for cooking, cutting, and- Oh, it makes sense. Preparing… No, I guess it really is for cutting. You see, someone I once knew was taking one of these off the magnetic board. ‘Have you seen my knife?’ Which one, there are plenty here. ‘You know, the one with the- ‘real sharp blade, the one I use to cut onions with?’ Oh right, that knife. I couldn’t explain to her dad where that knife had gone. I figured she was upstairs getting ready, she had a smile on her face the last time I saw her. But then I thought back to a moment where she told me that everything was okay. So, I went upstairs- possibly invading her privacy. But thank god I did! – Thank everyone for that matter. I found her topped with a bottle of pills in her hand. As she tried to open the window, her sleeves fell down- almost like she wanted me to see them. Several scars down her arm, the night sky sure made the moment feel like Halloween.
‘Have you seen my knife? I lost it, I hope the child never got it. They are dangerous, very dangerous.’ Another line I heard from upstairs. The father sure wanted that knife, just to cut some onions, huh? Okay. I’ll buy it, but I couldn’t get my head around the fact that this girl was in serious pain. The pain was not there, not in her emotions- it was physically displayed down her arms. ‘I just need air; I just need a little air to keep myself- keeping myself. Ugh, I just need some fucking air!’ – Damn. That’s all she needed? Looking back at it, I just wanted to hug her, support her, make sure that she wasn’t hurting. There were so many thoughts rushing through my mind at the time. Underneath her bed sticking out in what looked to be a toy box- I found a container full of drugs. Not sure how she got into this state, you could never tell- her breath was always normal or minty fresh. Whatever, she hid this one very well. Her secret to cutting, her secret to drug use, I sure didn’t know her like I thought I did.
‘You got me into this, you got me into these DRUGS, I needed time away from you.’ The hurtful words shot out at me like a perfect arrow shot to a target. She had a whole lot say for herself, even when she was in pain- she still had he motivation to shout at me. ‘I just needed…a little time away from you. Just enough to keep it on the low-low.’ I didn’t understand, the cutting- I had my own ideas on how it started. But the drug use was a real shocker, not to mention the scars down her arms. ‘Okay, fine- it was you, but not you- It was him…’ she pointed at a picture of one of the photos we had taken over the holidays; me, a friend, another friend, and her in the middle. I recognised him the moment she showed me that photo. “What Is it? What did he do to you?” I demanded an answer, but in truth- I didn’t really want to know. ‘He… used me, I-I tried to call you… he was like real mad, and I couldn’t do anything…’ My voice went a little thicker in tone, deeper, anger building up in me. “What? No way. You said you were out at a party that night…” – She sighed looking at me with her two beady eyes; ‘I was at his house…’ after hearing that, I swear time had stopped. It was already slow, the clock, when I found her in a state.
‘He said you bailed on him, left him or something- told him that “drugs” are going to kill him, but he didn’t care what you had to say… he just wanted me to stay with him.’ She didn’t exactly say it like this. It was more in short words, but I can’t quite remember those exact words. With time moving slowly, you’d think that I’d have enough time to memorise every last word. I don’t know, I think time just flew past me, and left me buried in the hourglass sands. Oh right, she too had an hourglass body- it really was like looking into exactly that! But I wasn’t always looking at her body. Her face full of sadness, hurt, pain, agony, I couldn’t look away.
‘Get real, I took the drugs as a Sorry. It was a way to get my head out of the shit that happened before. You and I were cursed- I swear we were not destined to be like he once told me.’ – “I never said we was; I was a friend looking out for you. Always have been. Always will be.” – ‘Yeah, thanks… but he doesn’t care. He did more to me… more pain than you give me tonight. He-he- really hurt me.’ She cried into my shoulder, I was feeling quite pleased. She didn’t jump, not that she was going to. But like I said, a lot went through my mind. Her dad came upstairs to find that the door had been barricaded. Did time really stop? How did I not notice her barricading the door? Another mystery for me to solve. But I think the reality of it all is that she meant that much to me. The word stopped spinning the moment I found her with scars. The shock of it all really put me on edge with just enough sanity left over to pretend like nothing happened. As she told me herself; ‘I don’t want my parents making a fuss over it.’
- I went against her word at the time where the guy returned to school one day. He got her again, this time he got her good. Right in the left eye, the dude was a woman beater, violent towards women. Thankfully, she is in safe hands- no longer being tormented by those she hates. She even got away from me… which I think was the right to make. Not long after he passing, I knew that there was no ‘destiny’ with me and her. She just wanted to find a Legacy, but I told her that for that to happen; to need to be here. She told me a night before: ‘Not really… I feel like a whole legacy passed when I was with you.’
I don’t think I’ll ever forget her,
unless a drink kicks in and drains out my memory for good.