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3. The Boy with the Silver Eyes- FANGIRL!!!

So, let's start with characters. Sarah, as far as I can tell, was getting annoyed with Alex and knew he was trouble, yet she said at the end of the chapter that it was going to be an amazing friendship? Sorry, trust me, I love these types of relationships, such as the one in The Mortal Instruments, but this one seems very forced.

Another thing- the conversations/dialogue have to be put into separate paragraphs each time a new person speaks.

Another thing, why a two year timeskip? If anything, you should've made it take place in their, say, sophomore or junior year for the first few chapters, just so we could get a feel of the characters and their personalities.

Sarah's 'love' for Peter seems like innocent love, and not in the cute way. No one just falls in love with someone they just meant, unless it was a fairytale, and this story is so much more!

To be completely honest, in chapter four I got insanely bored. Really, I think the plot is wonderful, but if you made the chapters better and longer, changing up some of the vocabulary, this could be an amazing story. Even if I had only read a few chapters, I know you have a bunch of potential, and so does the story. If you have any other questions, let me know! :)



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