When Frank’s hand had finally left my back I brought my dress back down and hesitantly turned round to look at him. I was expecting him to be disgusted, or maybe sad like he had been before. I did not expect to turn round and see Frank sat there with the look of death plastered onto his usually kind face. He looked really angry, like really fucking angry. I’d never really seen Frank this angry before, he would never get angry. He was always a laugh and would be able to cheer you up and was the one to bring you out of an angry mood.
He sternly asked “What did they do to you Amber?” I shook my head back at him; I didn’t want Frank to know about what had happened back in the base and I just wanted to never think of it again, let only have a discussion about it all. Now that I was free, I wanted to forget it all and live with Frank again, and maybe mum if she was still around; I don’t really know what happened to her. “Tell me Amber. I need to know, I’m your brother.”
I shook my head again, I really couldn’t do this. “Please don’t make me say it Frank. I’m back now and I’m with you. I just want to forget about it. Please.”
He huffed angrily, scaring me slightly with his sudden change in character. “JUST TELL ME AMBER.” He shouted angrily. I jumped back in shock at his sudden outrage. Was this what Frank was like now? It scared me, if I’m honest. I didn’t think I wanted a brother like this; I wanted my old Frank back. In fact I just wished everything would go back to as it was 6 years ago. I wondered what Frank had actually been doing these past 6 years; obviously he was one of the killjoy rebels but what had he actually been doing? Had his ‘job’ changed his character, or was it my fault? Because I left him had it changed him?
It was all my fault, again.
Thankfully though the look of complete and utter rage soon disappeared from his face and was replaced with one of guilt and sadness. “Oh my gosh! Amber I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry.” He went to touch my arm comfortingly but I just jumped off the couch. He used to shout at me like that in my dreams, it would always scare me. But I knew that that had been in real life which just scared that much more. “Amber please, I didn’t mean to shout. Come-” He was cut off by a confused Gerard and Ray running into the room. Ray had a blood stained bandage round on of his eyes. Before I knew it I was crying again, I swear this was like the 20th time today (my emotions were getting ridiculous, but what did you expect from a tortured but recently escaped mutant prisoner?). “Just leave it until she’s ready Ghoul. It’s obviously a touchy subject at the moment.” Gerard said protectively as he walked past me and over to Frank, who was standing by the couch. “I know, I know. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.” He muttered into his hands as they covered his face.
“Hey come on, let’s leave them to sort some stuff out yeah?” Ray said breaking my gaze from the argument that had erupted between Frank and Gerard. I felt bad since it was me that had caused it, well that’s another thing to add to the long list. I nodded at Ray and followed him out of the room, into the corridor from which he and Gerard had emerged.
We walked down it for a while, until we came to I think it was the third door we’d seen and went inside. It looked like some sort of bedroom. Old chairs had been pushed together with a small mattress placed on them to form some sort of bed. There was a filing cabinet in the far left of corner, which had some clothes poking out of it. You could see where white wallpaper used to be, but it had rotted and been ripped off. The floor just looked like concrete but in the corners you could see little scraps of blue carpet that had been left over. There were no windows, the only light come from a few candles that had been placed oddly around the room. I couldn’t believe that this was what the guys lived like, it was a wreck really. But to be honest it was better than them living outside in the boiling sun. It must have taken some real adjusting to get used to living in a dump like this. I felt a bit like one of those celebrities that had to visit Africa for a charity.
“It’s not much but its home.” Ray said simply, sitting on the ‘bed’ and patting the spot next to him. I hastily walked over to him and sat down. He smiled comfortingly at me and pulled me into a sideways hug. “It’ll be okay, kid.” I huffed and lent my head on his shoulder. We sat like that in a comfortable silence for god knows how long. It was nice to have someone like Ray around. I could tell he was the glue. You know the one who comforted everyone, stopped fights and kept everyone together. He was the one who made the plans and took control a lot. The glue.
I felt like the glue for my family sometimes. My dad and Frank never really got along; they were always arguing about something stupid and throwing things at each other. It got worse once Frank came out as well. My dad had been the biggest homophobe ever, and when he found out Frank was bi-sexual even more so that he was sort of dating Gerard, he was kicked out. I had to talk to my dad a lot, trying to stick up for Frank, I would say that it was his life and that if he didn’t want, Frank never had to mention anything about it in the house. It scared me really, I mean my parents were great but my dad could be fairly abusive but it wasn’t serious because it was only the odd slap or punch and my mum was never there she was always busy with ‘work’, but Frank had been like my parent and I didn’t want to be without him. We both relied on each other. Our family wasn’t perfect but I never wanted it to be broken. Eventually Frank was let back in the house, thankfully. Things sort of went back to normal then and it became better again. But then mum and dad would start having arguments about whose fault it was and the fact that my mum had been having affairs. I always used to step in and break up the arguments. It was stressful but it was life. I never used to feel like I had time to focus on my own life, so when Kimberly became suicidal I didn’t even notice. That’s why I blamed her death on myself, I mean I’d fucking seen her hours before she did it, I could have talked her out of it but she just made me promise things that didn’t make sense at the time and I hadn’t even noticed. I was such a failure, I am such a failure. I brought on this war and killed all of these people and ruined the lives of others.
I started to sob on Ray’s shoulder but he didn’t seem to mind. He rocked me back and forth comfortingly. He seemed nice and supportive. He waited for me to calm down and then lay me down on the bed. He lay down beside me, pulling me in and resting my head on his chest. I could hear his steady heart, beating constantly. It became quite peaceful really. “Do you want to talk about it?” He mumbled into my hair. I shook my head, tonight was not the night.
Song: A Love like War by All Time Low feat. Vic Fuentes