I was about to swing open the hatch when Jet's hand found its way to my shoulder. He turned me round and looked at me with shiny concerned eyes. He knew. He definitely knew, he'd felt my scars and he'd figured out what they'd done. Jet was never gonna be able to look at me the same ever again. I was shocked and astounded that I couldn't even continue to cry right now, what was I gonna do now? He was definitely going to go and tell the rest of the guys- and Party. No I want to get away from all that, he couldn't tell them, I just wanted to leave it all behind and never look back.
I wanted to forget.
Jet's hand released me finally and he held his gaze with me, looking me dead in the eyes. With hardly any breath backing up his words he whispered "Amber, what did they do?" I looked down at my feet panicked. I coughed awkwardly and said with no confidence or faith "Nothing, it doesn't matter. I'm out now, and with you guys, that's all that counts." I gave him a quick fake smile so that maybe he'd leave me alone for a while. There was no way I could face him right now, I was planning on walking away and spending some time with myself some place. Eventually I'd come back, but I couldn't do this.
I hauled up the trap door forcing myself to not look back. I was about to go down, when Jet said "Please don't go." I turned round, shocked at his response. "You can't run away from everything, I felt your scars, I know they're there." He took a deep breath. "I know what it says. We have to talk about this. You may just what to forget about it, and you will over time but that doesn't mean that something like this is gonna completely disappear. It will always keep coming back, something else will remind you of it and to cope with being reminded you need support and if nobody ever knows they can never give you that. You can't be alone with this forever." A silent tear fell down his face; he really cared. I just stared at him blankly my tears now falling freely down my face, mirroring his. "Please, Amber." There was a silence, but not one that was silent. There was thinking, understanding and sadness filling it in like cement. I nodded to him quietly, he was completely right. I couldn't just go tell him though; this would take time and be hard. The thoughts of what happened in there started flooding back; the room he'd drag me into, the rope, the words he said, the things he called me, the- I choked up. And slight sob leaving my mouth as I dropped the handle to the trap door, which I hadn't even realised I'd been holding. A loud bang sounded from the door in sync with my knees buckling and me falling down to the floor. I started to shake and took my hands to my face. Jet, still now tearlessly crying, came over and knelt down beside me; taking my once again in his arms. "I'm sorry." He said into my hair. I put my arms back round him and placed myself onto his lap. We sat there and just held each other, thinking of what would happen next.
Then abruptly the sound of curious voices and footsteps started to sound from below. I panicked and rapidly stood up, looking round for another way off this roof before the other guys reached us. "Amber, they're your family now, you don't have to be scared of them." Jet said trying to calm me down as I continued to freak out slightly. I knew that Frank knew but Jet didn't need to know that, that would just give them an excuse to talk about it all. And I know they only meant the best by it all but I wanted it gone. I know that what Jet says was probably true but until I get reminded I don't need anyone to know. But full stop, I don't want anyone to know. "No Jet, I do, I didn't want to tell you, I wasn't ready. I'm definitely not ready to tell the-" My rattled speech was stopped by the trap door opening and Frank's head popping out. "Shit." I cursed, as he came on the roof with Party followed behind him. "Guys, what's wrong? Why do you both look so upset?" Frank questioned looking kind of frightened. I just turned round with my back to them, I couldn't I really couldn't face them right now. "Jet, are you crying?" I could hear Frank ask. Jet replied "I'm alright guys." He walked over to me and whispered so they couldn't hear. "Are you going to say something?" I shook my head, wiping my tears away. "You don't have to tell them everything, just remember what I said about being alone."
"Guys, tell us what's happening." Frank commanded kindly.
"We're worried." Party backed Frank up, finally speaking. Jet turned round to face them both, quickly wiping away his few tears. "It's up to Amber to say." I turned round quickly to face him; he couldn't have just said that. Now I was going to have to tell them no matter what, they'd never leave me alone if I didn't. But that's just it, I couldn't. I couldn't say anything. I shook my head and looked down, now facing the guys. "Please Amber." Both Frank and Party said together. I looked up at Frank and saw his worried, anxious face and I then looked at Party and saw his confused and concerned face. I kinda wanted to tell them, it might help but not yet, just not yet. "I'm-I'm just not ready." I said truthfully.
"And we understand that, but we need to know Amber." Frank said taking a step closer to me. I shook my head. "Amber-"
He started but was cut off by Party. "Ghoul, look if she's not ready, she's not ready. She'll tell us when she is, you need to trust that." Frank groaned slightly, "Fine." He walked over to me and put his petite arms around me. Kissing me on the head he told me "Just remember I'm your brother, you can tell me anything." I nodded into him as he kissed me on the head again. He released and announced he'd be downstairs if anyone needed him. Before going down though he shouted Jet and told him to come down with him. I knew Frank would be asking Jet about what happened, I just hoped Jet wouldn't say, even if he did just mean the best. I let out a deep breath and then looked over to see Party was still here. He walked over, realising his presence had been noticed. Nervously he said "You ok?" I smiled at him nicely despite my mood, to give him reassurance. "Good," He continued, "Just making sure, you looked pretty baffled and upset before. I know you probably don't, but do you wanna talk about it?" I looked back up at him, his attempts to be comforting and nice were sweet and kind of working but I still had my heart set on leaving this all behind. "I know you're trying to nice," I started trying to be nice myself, "But I'd rather just leave all this until I'm ready to say stuff. You could just forget any of this even happened, please?" While pleading I'd sub-consciously held his hands in mine. He looked down at our hands longingly and sighed with a smile saying "Forget what?" He laughed and I did too, without even thinking I pulled him into a hug; thankful for him cheering me up. It was quite peculiar how quickly he did actually cheer me up too. He was quite shocked at the sudden hug and it took him a few seconds to not worry and lovingly put his hands back round me.
Finally breaking the hug, Gerard looked at me with those eyes. His sweet face examined mine as I analysed his; he pinky cheeks, his sweet pointy nose, his rosy prominent lips and his magnificent eyes. His eyes were my favourite feature; they were so beautiful, not that the rest of him wasn't but they were the best part. It was probably because they revealed what he was feeling most of the time and because they were such an interesting colour, I could stare at them forever, searching for the different colours I could spot in the almost rainbow that was there. Lost in each other's glances our lips touched again and both our eyes closed. This kiss was different from the first as it was more needy and desperate for each other's touch. His hands were suddenly all over me; feeling up and down my waist, in my hair, over my warm cheeks, on my shoulders and feeling my ass even. At first I didn't mind it and was enjoying this a little too much, my hands were in his hair and up and down his back, but when sense took over, finally I broke the kiss and pushed him away hard by the shoulders. He looked at me shocked "What?" He exclaimed very confused and kind of angered.
"We can't do this." I explained, looking down, embarrassed, at my hands.
"Why not?!" He nearly yelled. "What's stopping you?"
I looked up at him, "Frank. I can't do this to Frank." He groaned loudly and ran his hands through his bright hair, nearly pulling on it with aggravation. "Why? Because he still likes me? This is ridiculous!"
I was shocked, "Wait you know?" I said calmly, accidentally changing the subject. He shook his head and said much more softly. "Of course I know, how couldn't I? He's my best friend and he used to be my boyfriend, kinda. I know him like the back of my own hand." He smiled but then shook it off and looked at me closely. Before I could respond to his answer he said, taking my hands; mirroring what I had done before, he then said "Look, Amber, I like you, I really like you a lot. And you, you hopefully like me too," I smiled lightly and nodded, "There is no reason why we can't be together. You're beautiful and I probably don't deserve you but I want you and I think we're meant to be somehow. Every day I think about you and when I'd released we'd, I'd, upset Frank, staying away from you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Please Amber, we can do this." He looked into my eyes deeply with his sadden ones. I thought about what he was saying and considered it, he was such a nice guy and I loved him so much. Without even knowing him that long he was already in my head 24/7. Speaking my thoughts I sat down and said softly "Party, I think you're the first person I've ever felt this way about. Every time I see you butterflies erupt in my stomach. It kills me when you're not around me and the fact that I can't be around you but I can't hurt Frank like that; he's my brother." He came sat next to me and I leant my head on his shoulder. "Yeah, you're right I guess. I mean I guess I couldn't do this to Kobra if that was the situation, and he probably couldn't do it to me either." He said resting his head on mine as we both sadly tried to accept the fact that we would never be a thing. I let out a breath that I seemed to keep holding. Then he almost whispered, as if he was afraid to say it but knew he needed to, "Do you think if roles were reversed Frank would do the same for you?" I took my head off of him and thought about his absurd and totally out of order proposal; of course Frank would I'm his sister. He would definitely, wouldn't he? But he did love Party so much. Shaking the unneeded thought away, I simply replied with "Well we aren't in that situation right now; we're in this one. And I don't think there's anything we can do about it, we'll just have to live with it. And get over it." I stood up and as I couldn't really think of anything else to say, I was the one to walk out.
A few hours later, after just sitting on the couch reading my book and avoiding all conversation that was not small talk, I blew out my candle ready to get some sleep. As I lay there thinking of the events of the day, which was a lot, I thought about if I was too hard on Party. Just walking out like that on him was kinda rude, I guess I'll apologise to him tomorrow about it. I groaned at the fact I was thinking about him again and turned round into a more comfortable position in attempt to actually get some sleep tonight. That was unlike the last few nights where I'd just stared at the darkness imagining what it would be like to be with Party in a relationship. And as I thought about not thinking about Party I drifted off into an almost dreamless sleep.
Waking up, without warning I heard a large bang. I shot upright in the bed and quickly reached for my box of matches which was kept on the small table, by the couch, with my candle on. Once my candle was lit I could see most of the room, it was empty, which was usual at this time of night, and the almost unbearable silence was back again. I let out a breath no longer scared, now that I knew I was alone. Then out of the blue I heard a shuffling behind me, behind the couch. I put my hand over my mouth as I felt the hairs go up on my back. I didn't want to turn round, dreading what it could be, but I did it anyway. As my back twisted I started to hear the thing behind me, breathing heavily. My eyes met it's quickly and as I saw that pointed teeth evil smirk I screamed-
Quickly opening my eyes an ear-piercing scream erupted from my mouth. I felt something hitting my shoulder hard and shaking me, I had the blanket covering me so I couldn't see anything, panicking I kicked at the thing and heard a muffled scream, that cut off my own. Sitting up and moving into the corner of the couch, as I felt safer, the blanket fell from me and I saw Frank on the floor his hands covering his face as blood seeped through his fingers. I put my hand over my mouth, realising that must have been me, he must have been what I kicked. "Oh shit." I whispered now panicking. "Frank, I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry; I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry." He shook his head at me wincing at the pain, obviously not being able to remove his hand from his face, but meaning that it wasn't my fault. I put my hand back over mouth and was not moving again as I was still in shock.
Next three figures entered the room; Kobra, Jet and Party. They all looked at bit rough, but that was probably since me and Frank had just woke them up. Jet ran over to Frank looking terror stricken, and picked him up with help from Kobra, telling him they'd fix him up right away. I watched them leave the main room a little frightened; I hadn't even noticed that Party was still in the room. He came over and sat next to me on the couch. He pulled me up next to him but in my paralysed shock I was unable to do anything. He started to rock me back and forth and hum a bit, trying to calm me down. I relaxed slightly and was able to lean into him more and then put my arms round his waist. This was not meant to be romantic but I just needed someone there right now. "What's going to happen to Frank? Is he ok?" I asked slowly with my words shaking slightly, but for once I wasn't crying. "Don't worry; he's going to be fine. Just looked like a broken nose to me and to be honest, smelling this place isn't much of a pleasure, so he won't miss out on much." Party said trying to lighten the mood.
"Ugh," I groaned, "This is my fault, I'm such an idiot."
"Why? Tell me what happened?" He said politely.
"Well I had a weird dream about Korse and I woke up, thought Frank was him and kicked him." I explained, kinda surprised at myself for being so open with someone. "Well this isn't your fault don't worry. I'm sure Frank knows that." He smiled.
"Yeah." I murmured, looking up and stealing a glance at his eyes. It was so hard, resisting him like this. I think I was almost at the end of my tether with it, in fact I think I was done with it. I was done with rejecting him, I mean Frank wasn't around right now, no one was. So I placed my hand on his warm cheek and turned his face more toward mine and made our lips meet. He was taken by surprise but when I placed myself on his lap with my leg wrapped round his waist, his arms went round mine and my hands went in his hair. It felt right kissing him; it made me forget my pain and troubles. It sounded cheesy but I felt complete when I was with him like this. However this kiss was much more intimate than the other two we had shared, it was because there was something else there that was new.
It was hope.
Having to break the making out for a bit as we needed to take a breath, we rested our foreheads together. I smiled and he smiled back at me. We were happy. But then Party's smiled faded slightly as his sight left mine, I released myself from his lap. Now stood up, I turned round and saw Frank.
Song: Always by Panic! At The Disco