“Dammit!” Party yelled after Frank had ran off. Red had walked off by now and Jet had walked over to Party and was talking to him quietly about something. I just looked around quickly at all the still party enthused guests, who hadn’t even noticed our commotion, and decided to run back into the warehouse after Frank.
I got inside and went straight for the bedroom that I suspected was Frank’s. I put my head against the door and heard groans and things being thrown from inside and nodded to myself; confirming that it was Frank’s room. I knocked on the door and asked “Can I come in?”
“FUCK OFF!” was all I got in response from the other side of the door. I simply groaned and replied saying “No thanks. Look I’m coming in.” He loudly groaned as I started to open the door and threw a small book at it in response. Once the door was fully open I walked in and finally saw the full extent of the mess; there were clothes everywhere (including a burnt through jacket by the door) and books and now broken glasses had been thrown around the room. I closed the door behind me and went to sit by Frank on the floor where he had placed himself leaning against the camping bed that he had. “I’m really sorry about it. But it was only a kiss and if you aren’t comfortable about things happening between me and your best friend then you just have to say and nothing happens. Ok?” I said explaining myself and apologising as best as I could. He sighed and said “He’s not just my friend though; he my fucking ex. He’s Gerard and I-” He cut himself off and continued with “You’ve just ruined it.” He said putting his head in his hands. I leaned back slightly in shock; did this mean that Frank was still in love with Party? Had I just kissed my brother’s only love and fucked up all his chances with him? Fuck me. I put my hand over my mouth in shock of what I’d just done. “Oh my gosh! Frank I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry.” He just looked up at me and stared into my eyes with his teary ones. We stayed there for a while as I waited for his response but I saw something click in his eyes and he just gave me the biggest death glare anyone would have seen. I looked down in shame, I should have known, I should have been able to tell. He was so grumpy after I’d hung out with Party, I should have guessed that this was why. I felt so guilty but I still really liked Party and wanted to be with him, but I wanted my brother to be happy even more. I just breathed one more sorry and got up, I walked out the room as fast as I could and went straight up the metal stairs to the roof. I carefully open the hatch and pray that nobody is up here.
I stick just my head out of the trap door look around quietly hoping that is someone is there then I can just quickly sneak away; I really am not in the mood to interact with someone else right now. Luckily no one was around; I got up and gently let the hatch go down. Then loosely putting my head in my hands I loudly groaned letting out all my anger. But realising that the BBQ was still going on downstairs I slapped my hand over my mouth. I was just so irritated with myself. I couldn’t imagine the pain of someone who you trusted coming along and taking the person who you loved away from you and then kissing them in front of you, the pain that Frank must have been feeling. The guilt was just building up inside but I guess I could have never guessed that Frank would have been watching us kiss. If it would have gone a different way and Frank wouldn’t have seen the kiss, I could have gone and had a proper conversation with Frank about it all without him getting upset or viciously angry with me. I let out another groan, slightly more quiet this time and tried to think of different things in attempt to calm my temper down. Nothing was working, obviously. So I just let everything flood in; all the regrets, the things that I was making up to make the problem seem less bad, my feelings about Party, etc. With all the thoughts circling my head, I went and sat down on the edge of the roof. I hung my legs over the edge and left them hanging, looking over the BBQ which was still buzzing with life as if nothing had happened. But I guess unless you are involved in a problem in some way it doesn’t affect you. And if you are involved it doesn’t matter how bad the qualm is it’s not gonna change the weather or change a stranger on the streets life, we really are, as single people, a very small part of this world.
After a while of just sat on the rooftop over analysing everything and thankfully not spilling many tears, I heard an echoic knock from under the trap door. I jumped at the sound and took my view from the party which I had been observing. I looked behind me and dreaded who it might be, but saw Jet’s head poking out of the gap and looking pitifully over at me. I gave him a weak smile and turned away hoping he’d just go away. Instead he came over and sat next to me over the edge of the roof. I huffed and let him stay, I didn’t want to be rude to him and I guess Jet wasn’t the worst person who could have appeared up here. “How you doing?” He asked breaking the silence.
“I don’t know, how am I meant to be after all that?” I answered just looking out past the party downstairs now and just to the horizon. “I feel something for Party but I am not going to do anything ever, if it means sacrificing Frank’s happiness.” I continued deciding to just put all I was feeling out there; I had no one else to talk to about it as my brother probably wants me dead and Party isn’t someone I can seem to trust myself around. I just hope Jet didn’t mind me piling my inner thoughts onto him for no real reason. “Well in this situation I think that response is quite normal.” He replied looking off in the same direction as me. “I guess, yeah. But what am I meant to do next, ignore all these feelings I have for Party or sacrifice the happiness of basically my best friend and only family left? I want Frank to be happy but there just still this little…..like thing I have for Party and I don’t know what to do with it or if I can bloody control it!” I nearly yelled out forgetting my worries of Jet not being comfortable in the position I had put him in. “You have to give yourself time to make that decision. I think after a bit you’ll probably be able to tell which choice is right.” He replied as I rested my head on his shoulder, craving some comfort. “I guess. But I just can’t believe I could have done something like this to Frank.” I responded quieter than before, Jet’s words actually helping and calming me down. “Don’t go blaming yourself, how were you to know that Ghou-Frank still had feelings for Party? And even so how were you to know that Frank was gonna see you and him kiss?”
“I guess you’re right but thinking about it all the signs that Frank liked Party were pretty obvious.” I answered swinging my legs over to the other side of the roof and letting them touch the ceiling. He soon followed, doing the same thing. “Not really, to be honest I hadn’t spotted them. I even told Party to make a move with you because of his feelings for you. So really it’s my fault.” He gave excuses probably just trying to make me feel better. I stood up and put my arms around myself saying a simple “No” to his assumption. But then after actually coming to terms with what he’d said I turned round to face him and nearly shouted “Party has feelings for me?”
“Well, yeah. He came over to me after; he’d said he thought, you two nearly kissed just before the BBQ really started. He was saying that he thought he felt something for you.” He explained while getting up from sitting on the edge of the roof with me. I smiled at the thoughts of Party actually liking me back but it soon vanished after I remembered nothing could really happen between us. Jet must have noticed this as he came over and wrapped his arms round me. “Hey, whatever happens I bet it’ll be ok.” I just stood there embraced in the hug, before finally putting my arms back round him in the darkness of the night. I was extremely thankful to Jet for his consoling. “Thanks Jet.” He ended the hug and held my shoulders at arm’s length, stating “No problem, I’ll always here.” I smiled brightly, thankful that I had someone. “Now you go get some rest, you’ll need after all that’s happened to you over this short amount of time.” He ordered, walking over to the trapdoor and opening it for me. I guess he was right, I guess I was kind of still recovering from being with BL/ind for the past six years and now this to pile on as well; I was dreading the few weeks (maybe months). Lazily I walked over to the trap door and then down the metal stairs into the corridor. Jet shortly followed me and patted me gently on the back comfortingly. “Do you want my bed?” He asked being polite. I shook my head violently, I didn’t want to take anyone’s bed, I would just be happy sleeping on the couch. “You sure?” He confirmed.
“Yeah, I don’t want to take your bed, I’m happy on the couch.”
“Ok, well I’m gonna go help Kobra, Par-and Red end the party outside. Good night.” He said taking my hand and giving it a squeeze before, walking down the corridor and outside. I huffed and walked down the corridor myself towards the main room, after he was out of sight. As I waddled past the bed rooms I couldn’t hear a sound and didn’t want to stop to see if I could hear anything as that would be nosy.
Entering the main room I walked over to the couch and found the blanket folded up on the end. I took it and opened it up; laying it over the sofa. After getting under the blanket, I cuddled up and surprisingly started to drift off quite quickly. But just before I was completely asleep I felt someone kiss my forehead and huff loudly before walking off, the steps echoing as sleep took me.
Song: The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You by My Chemical Romance