I muse to myself for a few moments, how does one reply to such an email? The way I see it, I can take one of two options; I can be cantankerous and accept his apology but not forgive him, or… I could fall into him again and forgive him. I know I shouldn’t, I know I should play this out a little longer, make him mad, make him petulant in his apology messages. I should wait until he’s tearing his hair out, until he can’t sleep because his mind is going over and over that night, trying to figure out a way to make me forgive him.
Before I can stop myself, my fingers are already typing out the email I shouldn’t be sending. Of course I forgive him. Always. I have a niggling feeling that this is his roundabout way of manipulating me into kissing the ground he walks on again, but I push the unwelcome thought away, surely Luke wouldn’t do such a thing. He cares about me. I think…
I type out a simple reply, saying that I forgive him, taking part of the blame and explaining that I am NOT small. Even though I totally am compared to his toned body that towers over me in height. His body, I want his body. I want his tanned, soft skin that’s marked with little moles and scars in unexpected places, I want the goosebumps that cover my own complexion whenever he brushes against me. I am in so deep I fear there’s no turning back now. In the back of my mind I’m aware that even if I wanted to turn back, there is no way I’d be able to now, he’s all consuming. I love him. I’m in love with him. He’s the beginning and the end of my world, and everything in between.
I’m distracted from this dangerously confronting thought by the familiar ding of my iPhone, signalling a text. My mind stops its wandering at once when I see Luke’s name lighting up the screen.
Hey Mia, you busy?
Studying for exams, ugh -_- Could use a break though, why?
Hokayyy, want to get hot chocolate? :)
Sure, see you soon xx
I’ll leave in a few minutes 😘
Despite myself, I smile, happiness radiating throughout my entire body. I close my laptop, leaving my books and pens on the dining room table, and head upstairs to change into something cuter. After a few agonising minutes and a realisation that I really need to go shopping for this season’s winter fashion, I decide on my high waisted white jeans, and a blue knitted sweater. The jeans make my ass look huge and the sweater is crocheted so you can just about see a line of cleavage the nude push up bra provides me with. I glance at myself in the mirror, and nervously check the time. Why am I nervous? Dammit Luke! He has such an effect on me, I swear my heart beats so fast when he’s around, I’m in danger of going into cardiac arrest. I bet he doesn’t get that feeling.
I rush down the stairs and out into the back yard to say goodbye to Dad, who’s busy hanging out the washing. It’s a sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, the washing should dry nicely, though there’s a chill in the air that comes with the start of every Autumn in Sydney. At the sound of my arrival, Dad turns around and takes in my appearance. “Hi honey, where are you off to?” He smiles at me warmly, and I return it.
“Just for hot chocolate with Luke. I shouldn’t be more than an hour.” I say happily, giving him a kiss on the cheek and turning on my heels. “Okay sweet-pea, have a nice time!” I hear Dad say after me, and I turn around to say goodbye, before making my way to the front door.
Just as I’m reaching it I see Luke’s familiar white golf pull onto the driveway. I smile at him from the window, though I know he can’t see me, it’s nice to see his face again. I see him get out of the car, and I scurry into the kitchen to pretend I’m not super keen for his arrival, which is a total lie… But I don’t want him to think all I do is wait around for him.
I hear him knock on the door, and I saunter casually towards it, my heartbeat the only thing giving away how nervous I am. I open the door, to reveal Luke standing there looking hot as ever. I don’t know whether it’s the trademark black skinny jeans, the white t-shirt or the black sunnies, but he just seems to ooze sex appeal, and I love it.
“Hey,” he says, enveloping me in a hug, “How are ya?” I hesitate before replying, and breathe in the familiar scent of his cologne, mixed with spearmint, like always. I love the way he smells. “I’m okay,” I say, my voice muffled into his t-shirt. He lets me go, and looks me in the eye briefly, I lose all senses momentarily, gazing into his piercingly blue orbs. Oh, man. He regards me seriously, and I know he’s deciding whether to question me further about my state of mind. ‘I’m okay’ translates to ‘there’s something wrong’, and it’s never lost on Luke. I like that about him; he cares enough to know when I’m being honest and when I’m not. Clearly I don’t look ready to spill my guts, and I’m thankful when he kisses me on the head, smiles, and turns towards his car. I follow, and he pumps All Time Low on the way to the shops. We get takeaway hot chocolates, and drive to a nearby oval because Luke wants to walk a bit. I don’t really want to get out of the car, I’m more than happy playing passenger as he drives to the edges of the earth. But I get out anyway, and side by side, we walk along the path that surrounds the big oval of grass. We walk in comfortable silence, at least he seems comfortable. I feel edgy, it feels wrong to be with him again. His feelings just aren’t like mine, I know that now. That’s not to say I want to believe it, I don’t. So I carry on walking, my steps in sync with his, and I don’t say anything about the ache in my chest that seems to get worse when I don’t see him, and worse when I do.
He stops at a bench, and sits down to finish his hot chocolate. My takeaway cup is empty, and I place it on the cement in front of the bench, before taking a seat next to Luke and hugging my knees to my chest. I sense him turn his head towards me, and I do the same, feigning happiness with my best fake smile. He returns it with a real one, and then his brow creases. “I can’t believe your mum let you out in that.” He says, smirking as he tugs on my crochet sweater. “You’d be interested to know that she actually bought it for me.” I say matter-of-factly. He raises his eyebrows in question, “But I doubt she expected you to wear it with just a bra underneath it Mim. You’re teasing me…” He whispers the last part, placing a gentle kiss next to my ear. I let out a shaky breath, as his fingers skim underneath the bottom of my sweater. “Luke…” I mumble, trying to regain control of my breathing, as I move his hand from my skin, which is already erupting in goosebumps under his touch. “What? Don’t want people to see?” He raises an eyebrow slyly. I giggle, about to tell him that’s exactly what I don’t want, when he pulls me effortlessly onto his lap so that I’m straddling him.
“Luke! Stop it!” I screech indignantly, sort of pissed off, but not really meaning it. I quickly scan the area around us, fully aware that it’s broad daylight and anyone could walk by. He grins at me salaciously, and places his hands on my lower back, pulling me towards him and his delicious lips. I lose all concerns about passers by, and turn on the heat. I lick my bottom lip slowly, watching Luke’s hungry gaze flick from my lips to my eyes in a rapid succession. I lean in, touching my lips to his ever so softly, and then pull him into a warm hug.
“What the… Mim!” Luke whines, annoyed at me for teasing him. I start to kiss his neck, a sexy display for anyone walking past, I’m sure. He makes a noise in the back of his throat, and I practically combust. My kisses trail up to his jaw bone, and I can’t wait any longer. I press my lips to his, and I’m lost. We’re all hands and lips and tongues as I move on him on this old bench next to a random oval in the middle of the day. I can’t help it - I start to giggle at the absurdity of our position. I can feel Luke’s hard on pressing against my crotch, and I decide it’s definitely time to move this party into his car.
Without warning, I swiftly rise to my feet, pulling him with me. “We need to do something about this…” I let my eyes trail towards his crotch, and he looks at me eagerly with dark eyes, so I take his hand as we walk quickly towards his car. We’ve barely made it into the next street before he’s stopped and is kissing me again. I’m back on his lap, the driver’s seat beneath us, and I’m rolling my hips against him as we kiss ravenously.