I write this story because I wanna tell people what it's like going through a depression and being Suicidal. it's kinda out of my limit to write a story about how I feel, i usually I don't talk about my feelings but yeah. a lady who helps me out tells me I should get better to open up for people and I think it's a great idea, I can write a movellas, which I love, and get better to it.
Before I start the movellas i need to say that I really don't make this because I want you guys to feel sorry for me. I'm fine, and glad.
And maybe there is some misspellings in the text, I'm only 13, and Danish so my English aren't perfect. But hopefully can u still understand what I mean.
Going through a depression is terrible, the way I experience it is like you just lay in bed all day. You feel too lazy to go up and do anything, I am even too lazy to pick up something on the bookcase right in front of me. I just lay there, hearing sad songs, thinking about people I miss, what is gonna happen to me in the future, how terrible i am.. Only bad and sad thoughts.
I don't get the sleep I should. I haven't sleep out like an normal human in 5 weeks.
I can't eat, no matter how hungry I am, I only eat dinner. Nothing else on a day. When you are going through a depression you often feel bad for how you are, the way you look, just who you are. And really the last thing I want to Is get thicker than i already am. All days In this and last week I layed in my bed all day from 8am-7pm cried, and listening to the same nightcore song over 200 times. (It is named dark enough please hear it if you feel like me.)
I can't go to school. I don't feel like I'm welcome, I only feel home in my bed. I feel like all in school hates me and just wanna throw tomatoes after me when they see me. I haven't been there in 2 weeks. I actually feel terrible over it.
And like i wrote before I'm suicidal. I cut, a lot. I can't stop with it. It sounds wierd but I love to harm myself, I think I deserve the pain.
I often take many pills, and try to die of it, I wanna die as painless as possible. But it won't work for me. I have done it 4-5 times. When I take those pills it's like a demon has taken over my body, because when I sit here now I don't want to commit suicide. But I think it's the tears and problems who is taken over your body. It's hard for me to talk about my problems and depression. Not as much to you guys, u don't know me and will never see me so idc, But people I know, I can't tell most people how I feel. Only 2 persons know how I feel. I think the reason why I don't want more people to know how I feel is because I'm afraid to loose them. I did something very bad that is the reason why I don't talk to my best friend more. She couldn't handle my depression, and was afraid of what I would do to myself. I understand her. But damn I miss her. Well every friendship doesn't hold forever. I should move on. But that's why.
I know it's short, but maybe I make a chapter more. Please don't judge me. xx