Evil With A Pinch Of Salt

An angel walks up to a master assassin and proposes a way to prevent the Apocalypse. It sounds like the start of a bad joke. Killing the Seven Deadly Sins isn't much of a punchline either. [Please note- this story isn't so much focused on the actual writing skills, I guess, but more on the twists and fourth-wall breaks and such. It's essentially a bit of a trial run for me]

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2. Chapter One - This Is The Narrator


Oh, er, hey!

I'm guessing you're here for the whole story thing, right? That's cool, that's cool. Thanks for dropping by! It's pretty awesome that you're planning on sticking around for this and I appreciate it, I really do. This took a lot of effort to make, after all, and I wouldn't want it to go to waste!

Heh heh...  

I mean, you're actually here for that, right? Sorry, I just automatically assumed so because there aren't many other reasons that you'd be hanging around here. Maybe you're just bored, or maybe you thought this was something else. A particularly juicy burger, for instance, or a collection of fairly interesting yet outdated memes.  

It's not, though. It's just some story.

If you're not really here for it, though, then that's cool. I get it, I do. Don't feel pressured into reading something you don't want to, that's my motto. Just do what you want to do- live your life exactly how you want to live it. Don't let others twist your existence around and around until it only fits theirs.

Heh. Sorry about that. I got a bit preachy there.

Heh.

But whatever: if you really do want to read this, if you're genuinely interested in what this whole thing is all about, then hey, that's cool too.

I don't mind whether you do or not. I'm a fairly unbiased being, to be honest. You could stop reading this very instant and I wouldn't blink an eye. I don't care about who wins, who loses... I'm going to survive either way.

No one ever kills the narrator, after all. Not when there's a story that still needs to be told.

Heh.

Oh, and don't expect me to be here for the majority of the story, by the way. I'll be ensuring that the storyline remains intact, that everything flows exactly as it should, but you can't control everything, after all. I can, though, so please don't assume that you'll get the ending that you want.  

But the author can't control everything, right?  

Y'see, I'm the narrator. Not you, not anyone else. I decide what happens as I go along, and I do what I please with life and time and whatever else you mortals seem to care so much about.  

Don't you worry though- I'm a chill being. I'm not going to go out of my way to ruin this story. Emory will still be Emory, Nathaniel will stay Nathaniel, you'll stay the reader and I'll do whatever I usually feel like doing as this story continues.  

But whatever: this is just an introduction- a prologue, if you will. Just imagine that this is a tutorial in your brand-new video game, and I'm just explaining the whole... story, in a way.

Hm? What now? Don't worry, I'm not talking about spoiling it, you silly little thing. Don't be like that- presumptuous doesn't suit you.

You know all about Heaven and Hell, right? For the majority of religions, they're the two most popular tourist hotspots, always on the highest ranks of highest immigration and lowest emigration levels.  

It's probably got something to go with the good weather.

The angels up in Heaven are pretty decent folk, if you ask me: they're relatively polite, pretty smart, righteous guys. Some of those are slightly too self-assured, but that's pretty much the same with all the species, right?  

The demons- yeah, those guys trapped down in Hell- aren't too bad, either. The amount of cruel demons almost equate to the number of evil angels. There are very few of either race that are truly out to destroy the world, despite what everyone seems to think.  

Oh? Not what you were expecting? Well, don't worry- I'm not going to go into much more detail. I'm not really one for spoilers.  

And it's not even my story to tell.

This story's about a mortal named Emory and a somewhat patriotic angel named Nathanial.

And a cat subjected to demonic possession.

You don't need to know my name. I'm just the narrator: the voice of reason, the omniscient observer. Just as no one needs to know your name, either. And you're just the reader. You're just curious, or bored, or not even meant to be here in the first place.

Me, I just describe the events that unfold. I just watch and I just wait.

After all, the narrator never, ever, has a part to play.

Even when they can change it all.

Right?

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