They say that love is short and forgetting is long but I don't believe in that . All those days , weeks and months , years that have passed I never forgot his grey blue eyes . I never forgot they way his body pressed against mine in the most needy way . I also never forgot the pain he caused me ...The nights that I cried myself to sleep. How my body felt numb after so much screaming and crying . It wasn't his fault thought . It was mine . It was my fault from the start . I was the one who fell so hard in love . It wasn't his fault that he didn't catch me . He was married and I should have respected that but no , I didn't . But the again I didn't want to fall in love with him . I didn't choose to fall so hard and get broken hearted after . My heart did . My heart skipped so many beats whenever I saw him smile and laugh . Oh that beautiful laugh of his ... My breath was caught in my throat whenever our eyes met . My skin was getting sweaty and flushed when our hands came in contact . Shivers were running down my spine when I heard his voice .
Funny thing is that I'm not going to feel this way again . No matter how many time might pass I'lll never move on from him . Three years passed and if you look into my eyes you'll see that I'm always looking around to find him . Hoping that one day he'll come back and tell me he loves me ... But he never does ... Search my heart and my soul ,you'll fine him there . He is in my heart . He has my heart and he'll always have it till ifinity runs out .
My friends always knew that I put my pride first . Or at least that's what they think . Cause no one really knows what I've been feeling all these past few months after he left . If they asked me if I was fine I would always answer " I'm Edward Styles . I'm always fine ". But if you looked me in the eyes they were always sad and teary . But no one really cared about me . Who would care about a cold hearted tattooed bad boy ? The answer is nobody . Not that I blame them .
You know , I always felt the need to get all those things of my chest but I never did until now . My darkness and my pain got the best of me , they always do and maybe that's the bad thing about me . I was black and black creates a barrier between itself and the outside world, providing comfort while protecting its emotions and feelings, and hiding its vulnerabilities, insecurities and lack of self confidence. I always use black at various times to hide from the world around me in one way or another. Other times I use it to hide my feelings, my fears or my insecurities. That's the reason I'm tattoed with black tattoos . Nobody really understands their meaning and it hepls me hide my real self .
Louis on the other hand was innocent that's why he was white . White is protection and encouragement, offering a sense of peace and calm, comfort and hope . Or maybe he was white cause white can cause feelings of isolation and emptiness; it can be too pristine and immaculate, making you feel as though you can't make a move for fear of upsetting it or creating a mess. Yeah , that's why he was white .
If Louis and I were together we would be grey . But grey is conservative, boring, drab and depressing on the one hand and elegant and formal on the other, yet never glamorous. But then again grey is solid and stable, creating a sense of calm and composure, relief from a chaotic world .
But we wen't together .
We weren't grey .
We were just black and white .
And that's all we'll ever be .