Everything was white, it's all so weird. I closed my eyes for one minute and now everything's white. Goddamnit I feel so awful for hurting Jayy. I love him so much and I guess while I was trying to hold all my feeling in I pushed him away. I never meant to hurt him. I just wanted our friendship to stay intact. All the thoughts were overwhelming me and I began to cry. I cried and I cried and I saw a sea of my own tears forming around me, but no matter how hard I tried to stop crying I couldn't. Soon I'd be drowning in a sea of my own tears... And it'd be all my fault. Why do I have to fuck everything up?! Before I could even sigh the water was above my head, still I managed to hold my breath. I looked up and saw a light, I swam toward it, I kept swimming and swimming, but the water kept rising and rising. Still I continued, Then I finally gave up, what I'm trying obviously isn't helping. I sighed and I stayed in place, suddenly I felt cold chains around my ankles and I was sinking fast than I swam up. My heart was sinking to my stomach and my lungs were beginning to hurt. Eventually I looked down to see the bottom and looked up and the top.... It was so fucking far. I felt the urge to scream but that's fucking stupid, my lungs were extremely pained at this point and I couldn't help it. I opened my mouth to scream, I got nothing my water, I could feel the water filling my lungs... But still I continued to scream.
My eyes snapped open and I sat straight up, I was wide awake. I was breathing heavy as I looked around, I saw my doctor looking stunned and terrified and nurses looking shocked. Then I saw Jayy in a chair in front of me. "What happened?" I asked, looking around. "A-as soon as Mr. Monroe sat down you started screaming and gasping like you were drowning." My doctor said, "O-oh." I say. "So uh... You're fine, we checked... So I- uh.... Guess you can go home." My doctor said, probably baffled at my actions. "O-okay." I said, nodding. The nurses unhooked me from various different machines and I got up. I looked to see I was still in my clothes. "Let's go." Jayy says quietly as we both walk out of the doctors.
The car ride home was silent and Jayy didn't say anything to me when we got home. He just went up to his room and shut his door. I looked down as I sat alone on the couch. I sighed and turned the TV on, not sure what to do at this point. I watched "1,000 Way to Die" for a while and then I heard a knock at the door, I got up and dragged me feet to answer it, I found Jeffree standing on the porch sobbing "Jeffree what happened?" I asked as he sobbing, "A-Andy dumped me." Jeffree cried, "Oh my god, why?!" I cried, "H-he said h-he needed t-to f-f-find himself." Jeffree sniffled as I pulled him into my arms, "It's okay Jeffree, I'm here for you." I say as I lead him back to the living room we sit on the couch together cuddled up in a blanket as we watch "Bar Rescue" together, "Oh my god! That's a fucking horse!" Jeffree cries, "Oh! Oh my god! It fucking shit!" I say laughing my ass off as Jeffree makes a disgusted face but ends up laughing because I snorted. "You're a fucking piggy now." Jeffree teased and I made pig noises at him to back up his statement, "The truth behind Dahvie Vanity... He's actually a fabulous pig... The end." Jeffree teases as I playfully push him, "Don't be a douchecannoe!" I shouted as we both giggled. "You're the douchecannoe!" Jeffree shouts and unexpectedly shoved me playfully, I ended up falling onto the floor and I fell with the blanket that Jeffree was tapped in so Jeffree landed on top of me, both of us laughing. "You're an idiot." Jeffree giggled, "Yea, but I'm a fabulous idiot." I say smirking and pretending to flip my hair back.
Jeffree didn't get off of me and I got trapped in his eyes as my face heated up, we were inches apart, which I had no noticed earlier. Jeffree's eyes lidded slowly as his lips lowered down to press to mine, Jeffree kissed me and my instinct caused me to immediately kiss back. I was so caught up in the moment with Jeffree I didn't even hear Jayy walking down the stairs and entering the living room, not until I hear him gasp. Jeffree pulled away from me and we both looking up to see a shocked and hurt Jayy standing in the entry of the living room. "I-I can explain." I say, "Jayy, I am so sorry." Jeffree cried immediately getting up off of me and standing. I stood up after him and we both looked at Jayy, "Jayy it didn't mean anything I swear." Jeffree said, "It was just a heat in the moment thing." Jeffree said. Why was Jeffree acting like Jayy just caught me cheating? I'm not with Jayy.