5. f σ υ я <not yet sweetheart>
•ᴵ ᵂᴵˢᴴ ᴵ ᶠᴱᴸᴸ ᶠᴼᴿ•
I was walking home with Luke and to be honest I was scared to go back there afraid of what Ashton will say to me. Luke turns to look at me and I had started feeling insecure. He bit his lip and smiled at me. "Take a picture it'll last longer,"I said mocking what he said earlier. He let out chuckle,"maybe later now is not the time cause I mean your wet and well wow that came out sexual. It rained and I think you will look better not soaked with makeup running down your face." Ouch that hurt a bit. I just smile and walk ahead of him reaching the house.
I open the door and it was just as if Ashton was waiting for me to walk in. "fat slut,"he says as I walk past him. Just pretend you didn't hear him. I walk into my room at this point i was crying. I dug through my bags looking for my pills. I found them and I was about to shove them all down my throat when Luke ran in,"Don't you dare. Don't ever try and kill yourself. You are beautiful and perfect and every person deserves someone like you. So don't do that I love you and Ash does too he just doesn't want to admit it.'' I look at him as he reaches for some bracelets. I knew what came next as he pulled them off one by one. Each one revealed an old scar probably from 2 months ago. That's something I've never accomplished before. "Trust me I know what it feels like. Feeling worthless like you have no place in this world. Trust me I know but I stopped after i met the boys and started a band,"he said looking down at the floor. I felt pity for him. I walked over to him and hugged him. It took him awhile to hug back but he did. I don't know exactly what happened but he kissed me and I kissed back.
He pushed me down against the bed as he started leaving a trail of kisses down my neck. I moaned as he reached my sweet spot sucking on it and nibbling at it. He made his way down to the hem of my shirt and tugged it off my body leaving me in my skinny jeans and my black lacy strapless bra. He bit his lip but pity filled his eyes as he saw my meatless body it was unhealthy but i'm getting better slowly. Day by day. If I can go at least a month without purging then I can stop and recover. He kissed down my stomach to the waist line of my jeans and unbuttoned them. I pulled his shirt off as he slid my jeans down. "Hey Amnesia I want to say i'm sor- oh uh ok never mind I'll leave you be,"Ashton says as he saw Luke and I. I realized what was going on and pushed Luke off of me. I don't like him in that way. "Fine then,"he mumbled grabbing his shirt and walking out.
I heard items breaking coming from ash's room so I threw on a big shirt that reached just below my butt and walked over to his room. I softly knocked and he stopped what he was doing and opened the door slightly. I used all my strength to push it open and succeeded. He looked at me with mixed emotions. His face said 'i'm stabbing you to death in my mind' but his eyes said 'forgive me please. I love you'. I walked up to him and kissed him. He was surprised at first and pulled away. He looked into my eyes and we kissed again but this time with more force and passion than the first. He grabbed my legs and whispered "jump" into my lips. I did as he said and jumped onto his waist straddling him as he carried me to the bed. He fell on top of me and whispered into my ear,"not yet sweetheart." This sent chills down my back as he pulled me close and held me by my waist.