Let me Out

This is the story of my current life. This is my journey to becoming me. These are my struggles in being transgender, and my struggles of being me.


5. confusion

being confused sucks balls. especially when you're confused about your preferences. every since i can remember, i've liked an old school friend. she was my first kiss, actually. her lips tasted like what haven would taste like if heaven had a taste. then, when i grew up, i began to learn what attraction for boys felt like. and i liked it. when i first kissed a guy, it felt amazing, like what first kisses should be like. and it was like, "oh. ok. i'm straight then." then i got a little older, and then a little older. and then i had a girlfriend. we didn't last very long, by the way. but it was still special, to me at least. she was the one who taught me about self love. and then when she ended it, all that love went away, and here i am today. ((hey that rhymes)) when i think of myself, i see 'boy'. but when i think of my sexuality......yeah, no. because i honestly don't know if i'm gay, straight, bi.....if i'm gay, then i like boys......if i'm straight i like girls......but there are some days when i don't even fucking know. everyone tells me it's just a faze....but how can i know i am a boy in my heart if it's "just a faze"? answer me that one, mom. 

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