"I don't want to you to give it all up; you never gave us a chance to be, so why are you running away?" I calmly exclaimed. "And I was the one lifting you up when you thought your life had had enough, and when I get close, you turn away there's nothing that I can do or say. Is it me or is it you?"
He stared at me for what seemed like forever before he had finally decided to speak. "I can't answer that for you, I'm sorry."
"I just want you to tell me the truth you know I would do that for you!" I was starting to get frustrated with him and the fact that I was too shocked to even cry. "Is it me or is it you?"
"Yes, it is you and I'm sorry that that sounds so harsh but that is the truth. I cant put us or the rest of my family in danger anymore. It's not safe for us to be together anymore."
I could not believe what I was hearing; he was blaming me for everything that has happened. "Wait.. What? You're leaving because it's not safe? That's what you're telling me."
"Yes." A one worded answer was all he could give me.
"Edward I know what I was getting myself into when I found out who you were. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, you never even gave us a chance to be." I repeated, I was practically begging at his feet now for him to rethink this.
"I'm sorry Bella, I've made up my mind, and I'm leaving." The look on his face was as cold as night and had no expression that I could read. He started to turn and walk away but before he did he slowly turned around debating weather or not he wanted to add something more. "Oh and two more thing, please try and be safe, I'm not asking you to do it for me. I'm asking you to do it for Charlie. And lastly I want you to move on and pretend like I never even existed." And before I had time to say anything he was gone.
This had all felt like one major bad dream that I could not wake from. Once he was gone it all hit me like a ton of bricks that I collapsed onto my knees with my head in my hands. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath and I realized it was because I was sobbing so hard onto the forest floor, this wasn't happening, this was so not happening! Come on Bella get up, you have to get up and follow him. I thought and I new I would never be able to catch up to him, but I had to try. I knew I would never be able to go through life knowing that I didn't try.
I suddenly had the urge to get up and go in the direction that I thought Edward had gone in, nothing seemed even slightly familiar. It all looked the same to me that I didn't even know if I was going in a straight line or just one big circle. The look on Edwards face was so hard that that was all I could think about. I thought we were close enough to the point where he could be open with me. I guess I was wrong.
I didn't know how long I was walking aimlessly through the forest searching basically for a ghost that I would never find. I suppose that it was starting to get dark but the forest was so full of trees that I couldn't catch a glimpse of the sky to tell. I felt numb all over and decided to crawl up into a ball again and lay on the damp floor. I must have fallen asleep and not realized it, and I thought I heard a faint echo of a voice somewhere deep in the forest.
There it was again, Charlie must have gathered a group to come out and look for me once he realized I wasn't home with dinner waiting on the table for him. A light in the distance was now coming this way getting closer, I couldn't see who was holding the light and I didn't even blink when it beat right in my eyes.
"Bella? Is that you?" A very familiar voice called out to me but I couldn't pin point as to who it was. "Bella it is you, are you ok? What happened to you? Are you hurt?" his words came out in a rush. "Its ok I've got you now and you're going to be ok."
Once I felt the heat of his body who ever it was I started shaking uncontrollably not realizing how cold I was. When I detected that it wasn't Edward who had possibly decided to come back for me, I let out a soft sob into this mystery person's chest. He was really gone and not coming back.
We had descended from the mouth of the darkened forest when I heard Charlie sigh in relief. "Bella, thank god you're ok." His eyes were moist and puffy, he must have been insane with anxiety when he saw that I hadn't made it home. "I will take her from here Jacob."
So it was Jacob who had found me in the woods and carried me back to my house. "It's ok Charlie I have her I just need you to open the door for me so I can lie her down on the sofa."
Jacob was not going to budge until Charlie had done what he was asked. When he didn't move Jacob calmly said "I can stay like this all night, but I would like to get Bella inside so she can get warm." Charlie gave him a look as to say he was not amused but quickly went to open the front door.
Once we were inside Jacob carefully placed me on the sofa with a blanket covered around me. Charlie had set a fire so I could warm up even faster. "Bella, what happened out there?" he waited for me to answer and when I didn't he continued onto another question. "Did you take a walk and get lost in the woods or something?" Again I didn't answer; I just stared into the fire. "Bella, honey?" I could hear strained sadness in his voice.
Charlie had stood up from kneeling beside me and headed into the kitchen so that the doctor could examine me. Once he was finished he followed after to join Charlie in the kitchen. I was trying to take in the conversation between the doctor and Charlie.
"Hey Doc how is she?"
"Well now I think its just exhaustion so I gave her a sedative so she can sleep through the night."
"I can't figure out why she would be that far out in the woods by herself." He sounded perplexed.
"Well she didn't say anything at all Charlie, but whatever it was that has her acting like this just give her time and I'm sure she will come around."
"Well thanks for making a house call tonight."
"No problem, I'm just glad that Bella is safe."
I could feel the sedative start to take affect instantly, and could feel my eyelids becoming droopy. I heard the front door close softly and Doc's car drive away before I fell into an involuntary sleep.
I had awoken with a start, I was sweating and panting I tried focus my eyes to the dark room, blinking the sleep away. I listened to see if I had disrupted Charlie's sleep but I heard his muffled snored through the walls. It had been a while since I had even let myself dream about him, why now, my dreams where the only place I thought I could truly be happy, now they were even betraying me.
It was still dark outside so I lay back against my pillow and slowed my breathing, willing myself to go back to sleep. When I was unable to I got out of bed and walked over to my computer knowing nobody would be on this early, but what the hell what else was there for me to do. Part of me was nervous about spending time alone with Jacob later on today thinking that if I did let myself go with him then I was being unfaithful to him. I know I know pathetic right who knows what he was doing wherever he was.
My computer finally kicked on and my email was flashing indicating that I had two unread messages. The first one was from Jacob and the second one was from an unknown sender.
I just realized we never specifically picked a place where to meet. Let's meet at our usual spot by the flat rock around four? See ya then.
I quickly responded letting him know I would be there, I opened the next message and stopped breathing.
Those two words were popping up a lot, ok this couldn't be real it had to be some asshole kid from school playing what they thought was a practical joke, it was most likely Jessica and her two timing witch of a friend Lauren. I hit the delete button not even giving them the satisfaction that they got to me; I would never hear the end of it.
Ugh, no I wouldn't let them get to me I just had to keep telling myself that. I slammed my laptop closed and hopped up from my chair and began pacing my room shaking my head in frustration.
No this wouldn't do, this was not calming me one bit, I stomped my foot and blew out a heavy sigh. Did I really just stomp my foot? Gee I guess I did. Did I really just ask myself a question? Gee I guess I did again. Oh boy now I was talking to myself, that was never a good sign.
Opting to go for a long run to clear my mind, since it was starting to get light outside I grabbed my shoes and my I-pod and flew down stairs. I closed the door quietly behind me and was briefly paralyzed by the cold but I pushed through it. I scrolled through my playlist picking a song that would push me to go hard.
I chose open your eyes and look north by Dance Gavin Dance, gah I loved them. Every time I needed to get a good workout or clear my head I knew I could always count on them. I started working up a sweat and immediately felt less tense but I was so caught up in the song that I hadn't realized where I was running to when I tripped and stumbled on something and landed in a mud puddle on my stomach.
"Shit!" I was panting and looked around to see what I had so clumsily almost broken my ankle on; it was a tree root sticking up out of the ground. Since when was I running on dirt? Oh I'm talking to myself again, my eyes scanned my surroundings taking in the trees, and wet dirt, and the quietness.
I started to breathe a little bit harder knowing exactly where I was, it couldn't be could it? I mean I could have been anywhere but no I had to end up here. Oh get a grip Bella you know exactly where you are. It was the spot where he told me goodbye.