You Be Sonic, I'll Be Tails - A Day to Remember
Today was like any other Friday. I didn’t have classes and Melissa did, so I would spend most of my Friday in bed sobbing into my pillow. It was the only time that I could do it since I didn’t like crying in front of people. I was sobbing until Melissa barged into the room earlier than I had expected. Caught off guard I sprung up and off my bed and tried the wipe away the tears that were streaking down my cheeks. Melissa looked at me and I could tell that she was about to cry. It seemed that she always looked sad when she stared at me; actually that was the same for a lot of people. It was either sadness or disgust.
I had been warned the pregnancy comes with mood swings, especially in the first trimester because of the rapid hormone change. But the only mood swing that I was experiencing was extreme sadness. I was hoping that with the end of my first trimester the extreme sadness would go away, but I am not going to hold my breath.
On the bright side no one from One Direction was aware of my pregnancy, and I kind of wanted to keep it that way. Liam is far too busy to raise a child and I don’t think we can co-parent from different countries. Actually Modest Management was aware of my pregnancy, which came as no shock to me. I figured they would find out eventually. Long story short Modest tried bribing me with money to make sure I didn’t go to the tabloids about my pregnancy. What they didn’t know was that I would never do that. I really don’t want anyone to know that I am carrying Liam’s child; I still declined the money because I didn’t want nor need the money.
A lot girls in my predicament would go and practically scream to the heavens that they are carrying a celebrity’s baby, but often times it is accompanied by slut shaming and people accusing them that they are lying. I didn’t want to deal with either. I also could hear people saying that I was only doing this to get Liam back and that I was even more pathetic than they thought. I am not that pathetic to get Liam’s attention by this, and truthfully I don’t even know if I wanted his attention. So I had chosen to raise my baby by myself and I don’t know what I will tell them when they get older and start asking about their dad. I just hope that in that moment I will know what to say to my future son or daughter.
Melissa hastily opened the curtains, which temporarily blinded me. I was surprised that for a November day that it was actually really sunny. I looked nice outside. The leaves where all different colors and there were some on the ground. Fall was always my favorite time of year because of this.
"Rian you know I love you and care deeply about you right?" Melissa asked sitting down next to me.
I nodded, "Of course I do Melissa."
"Rian I need to tell you that I for one am extremely terrified for you. I know that the past three months have been complete hell for you, but you can't stop living your life for that asshole. Has he stopped living his life for you" Melissa asked.
"I have no idea. I try not keeping up with him, but I know I shouldn't stop my life for him," I cried softly.
"I know. I know you loved him and I can imagine that it’s been incredibly hard for you," Melissa reassured as she held me tightly.
"I loved him more than I ever imagined I could love another person" I cried harder than I had been.
"That shouldn't stop you from having fun though. You are the strongest person I know Rian. You deserve to have a good time,” Melissa added.
"I know" I sniffled.
"Come on let's get some coffee and go shopping. I need to get you out of this dingy, stuffy dorm. Let's have fun today," Melissa smiled.
I thought about it for what felt like a long time. I weighed the pros and cons in my head. Well it's either I stay here and binge watch Vampire Diaries or hangout with my best friend. Hell this might be the energy boast I need and this is exactly what I wanted. I thought about it for quite some time. The old Rian would have immediately jumped on the opportunity. I haven't gone shopping since before I left for England, and of course the thick pea coat Liam got me that is stuffed in the back of my closet. I was just thinking how I wanted to change. No one can do it for me; I need to find the willpower to want to change.
"Let's do it" I smiled
"Oh my gosh! Rian we are going to have so much fun" Melissa cheered.
"We will, but first I want to take a shower and get out of these pajamas" I laughed.
"Well hurry up and get you butt in the shower before they get super busy" Melissa urged me pulling me out of my bed.
"You got it ma'am" I laughed looking through my closet for an outfit.
I must say that I was actually fairly quick in the shower as well as getting ready. I threw my extremely long hair into another side braid. Unlike my usual side braids I put more effort into this one and did the new fishtail braid I had learnt how to do. I guess that was one perk to the pregnancy; my hair had been growing faster than it ever had before. My doctor told me that it was the prenatal vitamins that I was taking, and that some girls take them when they aren’t pregnant to grow out their hair. Either way it was kind of nice, but a pain in the ass to style. For the first time in three months I felt the desire to do my makeup.
One last check in the mirror guaranteed that I looked a hell of a lot better than I have since the end of August. It wasn't quite scornfully cold yet, but it was another crisp and brisk day in Raleigh. I decided on my favorite pair of skinny jeans that were rather snug around my waist, a blood red cardigan with a black V-neck shirt underneath and lastly my old black converses. Walking out of the dorms was incredible. The sun was shining brilliantly and I thought to myself, oh how I have missed this. It felt like the clouds that where in my personal life were departing. This is a little moment that is saving my life and yet nobody knows.
When Melissa pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop I was surprised to see that it wasn't a Starbucks nope instead it was a very comfy, quaint coffee shop called The Night Owl. That's one awesome name for a place that sells something that will keep you up all night long.
"Trust me this place is amazing" Melissa promised as she got out of her car.
I laughed as I admitted, "I am surprised that it isn't a Starbucks."
Melissa scrunch her face as we walked to the door, "Trust me you will see why it's better than Starbucks."
I nodded as we walked through the door. When the beautiful smell of coffee hit me square on the face I felt comforted. I don't care if you hate coffee you have to admit coffee smells amazing. It was like your ordinary coffee shop: cozy, warm, inviting, and aromatic. There were at least four different love seats throughout the store as well as tables scattered around. Then you had a bookshelf full of all different types of books, I easily spotted all the classical literature. God this place is exactly what I need in life. There were posters along the wall about open mic nights, spoken word contests and a finals study group sessions... yup that's it I am home.
"Hi ladies welcome" the barista greeted smiling at both of us but he was definitely checking out Melissa. The barista was extremely handsome he had deep brown eyes and shaggy brown hair. It's too bad that Melissa is dating Aiden because her and this guy would be cute.
"Hey, can I get a hot soy mocha with whipped cream" Melissa asked as the barista punched in her order.
"And for you" the barista asked me.
"What do you recommend for someone who can't have caffeine" I asked smiling at him.
"Well I'd say a decaf vanilla latte and personally I like soy milk, but some are opposed to soy" He laughed.
"Yeah and I am one of those people, but I will go with a decaf vanilla latte" I laughed.
"Alrighty that's going to..." the barista said before he was interrupted by a guy.
"Rian" the male's voice asked. I turned around and saw Hunter from my British Lit class. I never looked at him in class, but now seeing him out of class I can't help but to think he is good-looking. Those bright blue eyes shining in my direction, his blond hair combed and styled to perfection, and let's not forget that award-winning smile.
"Hey Hunter. This is my roommate Melissa" I introduced them.
"Hey, I'm Hunter. Hunter Hayes. It's nice to meet you Melissa" Hunter greeted as he shook my roommates hand.
"It's nice to meet you as well" Melissa smiled.
Hunter change his attention to the barista as he greeted, "Hey Nolan, I will get my usual" Hunter looked at me and smiled as he continued, "I will pay for your girls drinks this morning."
"Oh my God Hunter that's so sweet, but you don't have to" I thanked him.
Hunter handed Nolan his debit card as he looked at me and assured me, "Don't worry about darling. The pleasure is all mine".
Hunter's country twang was smooth as silk. There's something about hearing darling in a country twang that is truly incredible. We sat down at a table and made some small talk until Nolan gave us our drinks. I must admit my drink was way more delicious than any vanilla latte that I have gotten at Starbucks. It was smoother and the espresso didn't taste burnt like it tends to taste at Starbucks. I looked up from my cup of coffee and saw Hunter chugging his drink.
"Damn someone is addicted to coffee" Melissa teased.
"That I am" Hunter admitted shrugging his shoulders.
"Don't worry so am I" I reassured him.
"Then why did you get decaf" Hunter asked laughing.
Because I am pregnant. "For health reasons" I explained.
"Ah I see" Hunter said before taking another swig of his coffee.
"So how did you Rian meet" Melissa asked changing the subject, which I will thank her for later.
"Well she sat next to me in out British literature class" Hunter told Melissa between sips of his coffee.
"Yeah, we shared notes" I laughed.
"More like you copied and I shared" Hunter teased me laughing.
"Jerk I have shown you my notes" I defended.
"Yeah like maybe one time" Hunter smiled.
"One too many I suppose" I teased sticking my tongue out at him.
We continued to talk to Hunter until he had to leave; that's when he looked at me and invited, "So there's an open mic here tonight and I always love coming here and singing. Anyone can do it, but I was wondering if you ladies would like to come tonight".
I saw the vulnerability in his eyes. Those piercing, oceanic blue eyes. Man he is cute. Why is it that I haven't seen this before? Oh yeah, probably because I was too busy in self-woe to even notice a cute guy. Damn you Liam Payne. Wait! That was the longest I have gone without thinking about Liam Payne since well... even before the concert. I like this Hunter guy.
"That sounds like a lot of fun. I am in" I smiled.
"Same here" Melissa reassured.
"Sweet, I will give you my number, you can text me, and I will text you with more details about it" Hunter said getting out a pen. He quickly scribbled his number down on a napkin and handed it to me.
"I will see you tonight" Hunter smiled.
"See you later Hunter" I smiled, trying not blush as he walked out of the store.
Both Melissa and I stayed quiet for quite some time after that. I can't even begin to imagine all the thoughts running threw her brain. Well except for the most obvious one... in her words it would be get some. I had a smile that wasn't leaving my face. I was great to feel happy again.
"Oh my god! Rian he totally likes you" Melissa gushed.
"No he doesn't he was just being polite" I defended still smiling like a dork. Well what's new about that?
"No, he was being polite to me, now he was totally checking you out and flirting" Melissa encouraged.
"Mel he was not!" I laughed.
"Whatever you say Rian, but we need to change this day from a random hang out day to a Rian makeover day!" Melissa smiled.
"Oh god you are talking this a little far, but makeover for myself sounds delightful" I smiled rolling my eyes at my incredible roommate.
After finishing our lattes which were quite good, both Melissa and I headed out to an Ulta store that had a salon. Melissa was the one that convinced me on that, because I could shop for makeup and get my hair trimmed. I actually wanted it more than trimmed. I could see the stylist salivating over my hair that reached the small of my back, but I didn't have the energy nor time to tame that beast on most days. As the stylist ran her fingers threw my hair she gushed about how perfect my hair's texture was... whatever that means. I have never been really big into hair or makeup. I guess I am more into books and music. Yes I am a certified nerd. I asked her to take off a good majority of it. My hair went from falling to the small of my back to slightly passing my shoulders, and I loved it. Even the stylist had to admit my hair looked a lot better now. It felt so much lighter and healthy. As Melissa and I bought makeup I continued to play with my hair.
I didn't get anything too out of the ordinary at Ulta. I got my usual Bare Minerals foundation and I decided to get the new Chocolate Bar palette that Too Faced just brought out. Plus Melissa said I had to try. I figured I haven't spent much money since this summer so why the hell not. I also got a couple of different color lipsticks. I couldn't choose just one. I needed a red one, a nude one, a pink one, and then a deep purple one that was very daring.
"You look amazing Rian" Melissa gushed as we exited the store.
"Thanks and so do you" I added staring at Melissa who had trimmed here hair, but was sporting some blunt bangs that amazing on her and wearing her new red lipstick.
"Thank you darling" Melissa giggled.
"I wish I could have dyed my hair" I sighed as we got in her car.
"Well we couldn't because you know the baby" Melissa sighed as well.
"I know it just sucks cause how good would this look with an ombre" I asked laughing, as I attempted to lighten the mood.
"Amazing I know" Melissa agreed laughing.
She turned on the radio to G105 FM and they were playing a song that I had never heard before, but then again I can't remember the last time I actually turned on the radio to listen to new music. Melissa instantly began singing along and serenading me; until the song came to a close. Ryan Seacrest answered my question by saying the song was called Some Nights by Fun. Melissa was gushing about how much she was in love with that song and how Fun was one of her new favorite artist until I heard some familiar voices that I hadn't heard in quite some time.
"Well we are on the phone with Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, and Harry Styles from One Direction" Rian announced, "Hey boys".
"Hello" They all said in unison.
"Well boys you just released your new album Midnight Memories and we've been playing some of the tracks from it, but I was curious what was the inspiration behind Better Than Words" Ellen asked.
"I think Liam should answer this one" Louis said as you could hear the smile in voice.
"Umm... yeah I actually wrote that song for my ex-girlfriend" Liam admitted. Fuck. My. Life.
"Oh really? Well it's a sweet song" Ellen gushed.
"Thanks you guys" Harry said for Liam.
"Okay well we are going to put the boys on hold as we play the song Better Than Words off One Direction's new album Midnight Memories" Ryan promised.
I have never experienced such conflicting wants in my life. There was a huge part of me that wanted so desperately for Melissa to change it, and yet there was a small voice in my head wanting Melissa to play this song louder and l have my brain hang onto ever word that is sung I know this is crazy because I am only in my first trimester of my pregnancy, but every time Liam was singing I felt the most peculiar feeling in my stomach region. I didn't want to think it was the baby knowing that the asshole on the radio was its father. I hung onto to every word and I couldn't believe that this was the way Liam felt about me. Damn you Liam Payne! This song would have meant the world to me if Liam and I weren't in the situation that we are in now, but all this song it to me right now is salt on a very fresh and gaping wound. This hurt more than Liam breaking up with me. This hurt more than me finding out I am pregnant with his baby. This hurt worse than I ever imagined, because it reminded me the love we shared and just how amazing it was to call him mine... even if it was for only a brief amount of time. That's when my torture ended and it went back to Ryan and Ellen.
"I think it's a very sweet song, don't you think so too Ryan" Ellen asked.
"I agree it's too bad what happened to them, right" Ryan added.
"Yes, in this song it very obvious that Liam really loved her" Ellen continued.
"It was, especially in this part" Ryan said just before playing a specific part that had been ringing in my ears, I don't know how else to sum it up/ 'Cause words ain't good enough, ow/ There's no way I can explain your love, no/ It's better than words.
"What the hell" Melissa groaned.
"Why did he release the damn song if it didn't mean anything to him anymore" I groaned as well.
"Well that was "Better Than Words" by One Direction off their new album Midnight Memories and you're listening to Raleigh's number one hit music station G105" Ryan said.
Melissa and I sat in the car silent for quite some time. I wanted to know what she thought of this situation and what she thought about the song. She was probably worrying about me and wanted to know how I felt about the song, but then again she wouldn't ever consider actually asking me that question, fearing that I would go back to the depressed Rian. Am I depressed right now? I actually can't say I am depressed I am more-or-less disappointed. I am disappointed that we didn't end on the right terms and that I still have lingering feelings for Liam. Yes, I know it's terrible, but I do still love Liam. How can you stop loving someone you have loved for the past three years? It's been impossible for me to stop.
"I am sorry" Melissa whispered as we sat in the mall parking lot.
"You know what I don't care. I am not going to let it send me back into my deep depression I am no longer giving him that satisfaction" I admitted. Damn it felt great to say that.
"You know what good for you girl! I am so proud of you" Melissa cheered.
"Come on let's go get some new clothes" I smiled.
"You don't have to tell me twice" Melissa smiled.
After a long and successful day of shopping and laughter, both Melissa and I were finally heading home. Our stomach's full of Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwiches and sweet tea. The baby was content with that pairing. God I was so happy to be finally past the "morning sickness" stage which was never actually in the morning for me. Since my pregnancy I haven't been able to stomach any type of Italian food which sucks, because I loved Italian food more than anything in the world. When we pulled back into campus my attention switched to the back seat of Mel's car, and it was completely covered with bags. Yeah we both went slightly overboard, but at least we had fun while it lasted.
Melissa parked the car before looking in the back and sighing, "Whelp it looks like I am calling Aiden to help us."
"Sounds like a plan to me" I laughed.
Melissa dialed her phone and maybe five minutes later Aiden was jogging up to the car. I didn't think it was possible, but when I got back from my trip I could have sworn Aiden had grown. He looked like he was at least six-feet-tall. Aiden had been working out and his YouTube career was really beginning to take off. It seemed like every weekend he was flying out to California to do yet another collab video. What surprised me more than that was finding out that Melissa and Aiden were a couple, but looking at it now they are cute together.
"Hey baby. Hey Ri" Aiden greeted pulling Melissa in for a hug.
"Hey babe. We need your help" Melissa pouted.
"Sure. What do you need me to do" Aiden asked smiling down at Melissa.
"Well can you help us take in our stuff? I don't feel right making Rian carry a lot because of the baby and I can't carry it all" Melissa asked.
Aiden looked at me and smiled, "How's the baby today?"
I looked at him wide-eyed and snapped, "Can you be any louder? The baby is good though."
Aiden helped with majority of the bags and I carried most of the clothes I had bought myself. I made sure to grab a specific bag without having both Mel and Aiden notice. I didn't want them to see that I had purchased the new One Direction Cd. I needed to hear the entire cd and I saw it when I was inside Barnes in Noble. It was almost like fate; I was looking for pregnancy books and found them, but in front of the one I had been wanting to purchase was the new One Direction Cd. I knew that it will hurt, but I need to know. I guess even as much as I try to convince myself that I have stopped caring about One Direction, I can't stop. They were my heroes, they were my happiness, and most importantly they were my best friends.