With Arms Wide Open – Creed
Almost a month had passed since the night that I fled to my parents' house, yet the tension and anger that Louis and I had for each other had only gotten worse. I initially thought the time being away from Louis would help but it hasn't. The tension was so bad that people could cut it with a knife. Whenever Louis was in the same room as me I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I felt like he was judging my every move. Sometimes I felt as if I was an anxiety attack. I wonder if Louis feels the same way as me. Quite some reporters had been picking up on that tension, and often would casually joke about the hostility. For Louis and I it wasn't a joke; that hostility was all to real. I cannot believe the band has become as divided as it is currently. On one side we have Zayn and myself then on the other side there are Louis, Harry, and Niall. All of us were fighting over one thing… Rian.
Ever since Louis and Niall started talking to Rian that tension seemed to become worse. Zayn would get annoyed at any mention of her, but I was different. I was genuinely curious about Rian. While I may feel betrayed by my friends there was a piece of me that was envious of Louis and Niall. Ever since that night I had the dream, I have wanted to talk to Rian so badly. Being that I was stubborn I would instead eavesdrop on Louis and Niall's conversations about Rian. From what I have heard Rian is doing well and she is finally allowing herself to be happy. I felt a pang of jealousy with that knowledge. What is making her happy again? Was it another guy?
I have been trying to ignore the jealousy but at the lonely hours of the night those thoughts filled with jealousy would scream to me. I was beginning to realize that I still care about Rian, and no amount of denial is going to change that. I am still in love with that girl, but I have no idea how to approach her after the way I left her. She would never take me back. These realizations came from that bizarre dream. As for now, the only people who knew of that dream were my parents and sisters. All of them told me that it was my brain telling me to at least call Rian. As Roo put it, “You are obviously thinking of her and miss her. Stop sitting on your hands and ring her.” I do love my older sister’s brutal honesty.
Today was yet another day were the boys and I were dragged and forced to answer the same questions. No one understand just how much this life can get repetitive. It was beginning to become harder to control my eyes from rolling when people asked the same questions. If you could have any super power what would it be? What’s your favorite song of the new album? Liam, what made you right “Better than Words”? The list could drag on and on. We were releasing our new movie in America today. Being that I was depressed the release of our movie had been shadowed with anxiety. I didn’t look forward to all the interviews and all the times I had to be in public. I wanted to stay in my flat all day long and never leave, but I wasn’t able to do that because of my job. With the movie taking being filmed during the Take Me Home Tour it had left a sour taste in my mouth. At one point I would considered it the best tour we have been on, but with it being overshadowed in violence and court cases it has become the worse tour I will ever go on. I wanted to yell at the telly so badly; I wanted to warn that Liam about the imminent future. I wanted to warn myself about Rian.
Much like everything else One Direction releases we were scheduled to do an interview over Skype and a couple more on the phone. One thing the boys and I agreed on was not leaving London to do interviews in America, which was one of the few things we had been in agreeance on in quite a while. All of us wanted to stay home for as long as possible; well at least until our next tour. I really hope the interviewers ask questions about the upcoming tour and not the last one. I know I am not ready for questions about the last tour. I just hope they are as excited as we are about our stadium tour next year. I would love for everyone to forget about the Take Me Home Tour, but that wouldn’t happen. So instead I wished every night that I would wake up and the past six months was all a nightmare.
Paddy and I were waiting outside for a car to come and pick us up. We were going to be driven across town to the meeting place for our interview. I watched the familiar black SUV with extremely tinted windows pull up to the curb. I couldn't see who was in the car until I opened the door, and that's when my blood began to run cold. The only people in the car were Louis and his bodyguard. I stood there motionless; I wanted to slam the car door shut and catch a cab instead. Anything would be better than being stuck in a car with Louis.
"Liam get in the car" Paddy ordered. I looked at him and wanted to beg him to let me take a cab or separate car, but I know Paddy wouldn't have it. Instead I followed his orders and got into the car with Louis. This will be definitely interesting.
"Louis" I greeted, emotionlessly.
"Liam" Louis greeted me in the same tone.
Something seemed to be off about Louis. Normally he wouldn't be quiet around me. He'd always be the first one to make those snide, snarky comments that utterly piss me off. But here we have Louis sitting in the car only looking out the window. Looking as if he is thinking very hard about something. He kept looking out the window until his phone buzzed. I wanted to ask Louis if he was texting Rian, but instead I tried to catch a glimpse of who he was texting. The name started with an R, but that was all I could see before Louis caught me. He rolled his eyes and moved his body in a position in which I couldn't see the phone.
"Are you curious as to who I am texting Liam" Louis asked, his eyes never leaving his phone.
"No, I am not" I lied.
"Liam you can lie to Zayn, yourself, and the media but you cannot lie to me" Louis sighed.
"What are you talking about?"
"You still care about her. I know you do. Liam you don't see the way your ears perk up when someone mentions her name."
"Yeah, I do miss her but it's not that easy to admit it to the world."
"No you are making it harder on yourself Liam" Louis said.
The rest of the car ride we both remained silent. The interview went just as planned. I wasn't directly asked any questions of last year's tour. Louis and Harry gladly answered them for me. I was actually really grateful for them. That is something I never thought I would say especially about Louis, but he really came through for me today. I think that the heart to heart we had in the car ride helped with the aggression we had. I guess Louis only wanted to know that deep down I still care about Rian. I do still care for her.
After the interview the boys and I stayed in the room waiting for our pizza that we had ordered. I was sitting on the couch looking through Twitter, and favoriting tweets about the movie. Niall was talking to Zayn. Harry was talking to Louis. All was well, and there were only normal discussions until Harry asked Louis a question.
"So how is Rian" Harry asked Louis.
"No one fucking cares, Harry" Zayn hissed.
"You may not care Zayn but I know Louis, Niall, and I do" Harry said calmly.
"It's not just us. Liam does too" Louis added. I looked at Louis completely in shock. What the hell did he just say?
Before I could say anything Zayn yelled, "That’s a load of bullshit! Liam doesn't care about that bitch!"
My attention turned to Zayn. He had always terrified me when he was angry, but this was another kind of anger. It was full of hate. I wanted so badly to yell at Zayn but instead I remained quiet. I could feel someone's eyes burning into me, and of course they belonged to Louis Tomlinson.
"Are you going to let Zayn talk about Rian like that" Louis yelled.
I still remained quiet as I looked down at my joined hands.
"Liam! Rian would defend you in this situation."
"Rian is one of the strongest people I have ever met. She doesn't need me to defend her."
"Rian is incredibly strong and you don't even know the half of it Liam" Louis said.
"Yes, Rian is so strong. Rian is fucking perfect. Blah, blah, blah" Zayn spat.
I could feel that anger rushing throughout my body. Zayn was taking it too far.
"Zayn stop" I muttered under my breath.
"Are you defending her, mate? After everything she's put you through" Zayn yelled.
"Liam, now is the best time to admit to all of us that you still care about Rian" Louis said calmly.
"Remember everything you went through all because of her" Zayn hissed.
"Oh, and she hasn't gone through anything since Liam and her were attacked. I mean she's going through a pregnancy alone for fucks sake" Louis yelled. Gauging by the way his eyes bulged out of his eye sockets I could tell he just spilt a secret that wasn't his to tell. Rian is pregnant. It has to be mine. Was that why I had that dream? I'm going to be a father. I need to go see Rian as soon as possible.
"Rian is pregnant" I asked. Louis looked at me and nodded.
“Is it mine” I asked again.
“Yes, you are going to a dad” Louis said softly.
"What if she's lying Liam" Zayn added.
"Zayn that's not like Rian. You didn't fucking know her like I did. Something like this, like being pregnant and finally getting a family, is something she'd never lie about" I said coldly, as I stared at him. Zayn looked at the ground not saying another word.
"I need to go. I need to see Rian. We need to talk in person. A phone call or text messages won’t help" I said getting up. I had my phone in hand as I began to look for the next plane to Raleigh.
"I'll go with you mate" Louis offered, his hand rubbing my shoulder.
"We'll go to" Harry and Niall said together. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Was I ready to be a father? Was I ready to see Rian?