Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) – Green Day
With the nearing of finals, the stress was beginning to build up. Between working, being a full-time student, and going to doctor appointments I felt spread way too thin. I could no longer study in my dorm, because the moment my body hit the bed I would be out like a light. I was constantly exhausted. I had learned how to manage a short power nap between classes to rejuvenate myself. I knew that majority of my exhaustion was coming from my pregnancy, but I would also blame some of it on the nearing of finals week. I was getting easily distracted by my baby girl’s little feet kicking me. I don’t know if it felt worse due to my pregnancy, but I did know that I would get easily distracted by my baby girl’s little feet kicking me. Although she was beginning to move more and more, I would still be stopped by the pure amazement of her precious kicks.
I was sitting in my favorite area of the library. I had always been called to a desk that was next to window; it overlooked the trees. Prior to this year, I could recall so many nights were Ashley and I would study or do homework in this exact spot. I hadn’t heard much of the case against my old best friends. I knew that Ashley was only charged with false imprisonment. Jordyn was charged with false imprisonment and attempted murder. I wonder if her mouth went dry when she realized she would be in jail for thirty-five years. She was charged with the maximum sentence due to the severity of my injuries. Ashley will have to be in jail for ten-years, because she was the one who turned Jordyn and herself in to the police. Ashley was also the one who informed the officers about Liam’s location. It was quite suspicious how officers only found Liam, who was on death’s door like me, but never the person who took him. To this day they are still searching for Kyle. He is said to be in England hiding out, but I feel that he fled the country as soon as possible.
I had been staring at my blank word document for a solid five minutes and yet nothing was coming to me. I was distracted by the sound of other students pressing their keyboards and the slight pitter patter of the rain hitting the window. I needed to come up with some ideas for Hunter and I’s Brit lit project, but I was drawing blanks. Hunter didn’t care if he came up with the ideas for the project, but I couldn’t let him do all the work. I rummaged through my backpack for my headphones, perhaps some music would get the creative juices flowing through me. I quickly began to play the music that was in my ITunes library on shuffle. I reread the handout my professor had given us about the project. Hunter and I are going to have to make a ten minute presentation on a British piece of literature of our choosing. I loathe public speaking, but this presentation is worth thirty percent of my grade. I was engrossed in reading the handout until a song caught my attention. With the soft strumming of the guitar in the familiar keys I was taken back to the day that I met Liam.
The anticipation had me at the edge of my seat as Liam made his way to those boxes. I could feel my heart pounding as his hand found that sliver of paper. The paper that held the name of the last girl who would be granted permission to join the boys on stage tonight. I so badly wanted him to call my name. My attention when to the giant screen on the side of the stage. Those brown eyes were reading over the paper. It was those eyes that were in my dream from earlier in the morning. In that dream it felt as if Liam was truly there with me. I saw the charming smile begin to grow on his face. It was impossible for me to not fall even more in love with him. Liam raised his microphone to his face as the crowd got quieter than I could have ever imagined a room full of Directioners could ever get.
“Well last but certainly not least… sitting on the ground level, in section B, row ten, and seat one. Rian Rodriguez come over here, love” Liam announced.
The shock of hearing Liam Payne call my name left me feeling paralyzed. Everyone in the rows surrounding me turned and began to cheer me on. I wasn’t able to get out of my seat until Ashley began to push me from it.
“Rian, Liam called your name! You have to go to the stage” Ashley yelled.
As I made my way to the stage, I felt as if I was walking on clouds. There was no way in hell that this could be happening to me right now. I am just a normal college student. These kinds of things never happen to me, but here I am making my way through the security barricade to join the band, that has saved my life, onstage. There was no way I could wrap my head around it other than I got extremely lucky tonight. As I climbed the stair onto the stage all the insecurities that plague my brain began to surface. Don’t fall. What if they hate me? What if Liam hates me? I tried to push those awful thoughts into the back of my brain as I stared at the massive crowd before me. I was without a doubt standing in front of at least 30,000 people; all of which were wishing that it was them instead of me. I stood next to the other girl whose names had been called by the boys. My attention went to the five guys standing before me. It was insane to be this close to them. My eyes drifted to Liam and Niall. Niall was nudging Liam who was looking at the ground, but when his eyes looked up and met mine I felt a surge of electricity flow through my body.
"Hello ladies" Louis said after he shook all our hands. Louis's hands were softer than I imagined, and his grip was gentle. I was praying that my hand weren't sweaty like it would get when I am nervous.
"We left something out... You lucky girls will be getting a signed yearbook edition of our Take Me Home album” Harry added.
The girls standing next to me began to start jumping and cheering, but I was frozen by the electricity surging through my veins because of Liam’s stare. Those brown eyes were staring so deeply into my brown eyes. For a moment if felt as if it was just Liam and I on this stage and in this stadium. I had never felt this way, but I also have never met a celebrity before. And a celebrity that is my ultimate crush. Why is Liam staring at me? Is it because my outfit is more casual than the other girls who were on stage with me? Maybe I smell bad. I needed to be sure that it wasn’t the latter of those, so I tried to smell myself by covering my hand with my cardigan and brought it to my nose. I inhaled the scent which was of laundry soap. Well at least I don’t smell bad. I inwardly sighed. My attention switched from Liam to Harry who was talking to the girl he had called. Actually all the guys were talking to the girls except for Liam. Well that’s great.
When my attention returned to Liam, he was walking over to me. Holy shit. This felt so much like a dream. Here we had Liam James Payne, the guy of my dreams, walking up to me in a black blazer, white button up shirt underneath, and a pair of dark-washed skinny jeans. A guy dressed up is usually a strong weakness of mine, but seeing Liam Payne dressed up in the flesh was my kryptonite. My legs began to feel as if the bones inside them where becoming liquid. I felt as if I was melting into puddle of goo in front of Liam.
"Hello love, I am Liam" he said bringing my hand to his lips. The moment his lips met my hand, my heart surged and yet another sharp bolt of electricity ran through my body. I began to feel aware of myself in ways that I had never experienced before.
"Um, my… name is Rian" I stuttered.
Just like my usual self I was making me seem like a dork. I have never been able to talk comfortably to guys that I had a crush on, but with Liam it seemed to be worse. Be cool, Rian. I thought as I met Liam’s eyes yet again. He was staring so deeply into mine that it was hypnotic. Why is he staring at me? Liam was making me feel ever more nervous every time I would catch him staring.
"It's nice to meet you Rian. I really like that name its unique and different especially for a girl" Liam smiled. I could easily tell he was being genuine. There was so much that I liked about Liam that I wanted to tell him about. Most notably I liked his face, but his personality and voice were less awkward for me to mention to him.
"Thank you Liam... I like your face" I blurted out. Well fuck my life! This is why I should just shut up and enjoy the moment, but I have to ruin it with my mouth that apparently has no filter. Liam smiled even bigger like he was trying to suppress a laugh. I felt like my face and ears were on fire. Nice one Rian!
With perfect timing, I heard the beginning chords to Little Things; it was one of the first songs that I had taught myself how to play on the guitar. Little Things was my current favorite One Direction song; the song and music video were equally beautiful. I could recall my hardcore fangirling I did to the music video for this song. I was in a lecture hall as I watched this video for the first time. I cried a little because it was the first time in quite a while that I had felt cared for or even beautiful. I had taught myself how to play this when it first was released. It was my favorite One Direction song of all time. I knew that none of those boys knew me at all, but still I could feel how much they care for their fans with that music video. After the death of my parents, I did have a boyfriend, but he cheated on me and made me feel even less desired than I had before we started to date. In the end I didn't feel beautiful or wanted, by anyone. What I loved the most was that I felt like Liam was singing to me, and now he really is.
When Zayn began to sing to his girl, she was instantly mesmerized by his incredible singing. I was mesmerized as well until I felt someone’s soft, yet warm hand gently grab mine. His hand was strong and with his touch I felt yet another pulse of electricity surge throughout my body. I also began to feel as if I was whole. I felt safe. The person in which the hand belonged to was Liam. I knew I was smiling one large smile as he moved me even closer to him. I felt his breath on my face as he looked into my eyes. I was quickly entranced by those golden brown eyes. His minty breath mixed with the subtle smell of his cologne invaded my nostrils. God he smells good. I hope he doesn’t think I smell bad.
Liam stared deeply into my eyes once again, "I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile, you’ve never loved your stomach or your thighs, the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine. But I'll love them endlessly".
Liam finished his part by twirling me around and bringing me into his arms. I was dizzy and my ears were ringing, but I still could hear the squeals of thousands of girls. This had to be a dream. There was no way that this could be actually happening. I tried to recall if I had ate any spicy food last night, but all I had for dinner was a burger. I looked over at all the girls standing beside me. All of them were in tears, and then you have me. I was not crying. I was in complete and utter shock. If someone had told me about the events that were going to occur today I would have thought that I would surely cried on stage, but instead I was frozen. I was focusing on those five angelic voices that had gotten me through so much, the smell of their cologne with hints of perfumes, and the smiles of those five boys that I adored so damn much
* * *
The memory of that left me with a smile. There’s was such an innocence about me at that time. No, it wasn’t because I was a virgin or anything like that; I was innocent because I never imagined the evil that could come from that night. That was the Rian prior to being on death’s doorstep. I was innocent. I hadn’t experienced how it feels to be deeply in love, to be utterly betrayed by the people you care about most, to want to be dead, or to lose the love of your life. It had only been only five months and it never ceased to amaze me just how much my views on life has changed. Liam must feel the same way. Liam looks at life negatively now; were Hunter has showed me the joys of life. It probably doesn’t help that Louis and Niall want the old Liam back. I know, by personal experience, that the old us will never exist because of all the shit we have gone through.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I easily found Liam’s name. I was so tempted to call him, but then his voicemail echoed through my memories. I could still hear him telling me to never call him again, because he wouldn’t answer. I scrolled slightly further down and stopped at Louis. Instead of calling him. I sent at text message.
To Louis: Hey Louis. I miss you! How are you today?
It seemed almost instantaneously that I received a reply from Louis. I smiled as I looked at my phone’s screen. I was so grateful to have so many great people in my life. What my dad told me when I was in my comma was true. The sheer number of friends may have doesn’t matter; what does matter is amount of people one has in their lives that will be their rocks. My rocks were Melissa, Aiden, Hunter, Niall, and Louis. I was an extremely lucky girl.
From Louis: Hello Love! I miss you as well. I am doing fine. Unfortunately I am stuck in a car with Liam. How are you? How’s the baby?
To Louis: Oh, I am sorry Lou. I was contemplating calling him right now, but I remember him telling me to never call him again so I chickened out. I am doing well just slightly stressed between finals and the pregnancy. It’s getting more and more real.
From Louis: You know that if you ever need help you can ask me or even Eleanor. She is constantly asking about you. She really misses you. Just so you know, Liam keeps looking at my phone to see who I am texting. It’s quite annoying. I will talk to you later.
I held my phone to my chest and took in a deep breath. I was happy with Hunter, but there was a huge part of me that still imagines how my life would have been had Ashley and Jordyn never kidnapped me, and of Liam had never been taken as well. Would I be in England right now? Would I be with Liam? I closed my eyes and began to imagine how my life might have been if life was perfect.