It was yet another dull day in my British Literature class. Last semester this was the class that I was looking forward to the most, but I didn’t have the energy to excited over this class. Instead it gave me the most trouble with the constant reading and writing. I was always the student to try and get a seat in the front, but in this class I purposely chose the seat in the back furthest from the professor. I tried my hardest to pay attention, but I always seemed to drift off and end up not paying attention to the lesson. I am shocked that I have a passing grade in this class with all the times that I end up falling asleep. Like usual I ended taking another cat nap; that is until I was woken up.
"Rian" the guy sitting next to me tapped on my shoulder gently.
"Yeah" I yawned as waking from my short cat nap.
"Class is practically over. I just wanted to let you know" he smiled at me.
"Shoot thanks so much" I smiled trying to remember this guy's name, but my mind was so foggy at the moment.
"Don't worry about. Here's my notes from lecture you can copy them and give them to me tomorrow" he offered giving me his notebook.
"Oh wow thanks" I thanked him taking the notebook and put it into my backpack.
"It's my pleasure" he said rising from his seat as the professor dismissed us, "See you tomorrow."
"See you" I waved.
Lately I had been feeling like I was coming down with the flu or something, and add in my debilitating depression I was one hot mess. I could help but be extremely grateful for Melissa who was more than willing to take my shift at the book store tonight. It was on the contingency that I go to student health service building and see a doctor. It wasn’t a terrible idea, and it was definitely something that I hadn’t thought of. It was only 2 pm and my class was too far from the actual building. Unlike some places on campus I was able to just walk to it. This was my second year at North Carolina State, but I had never stepped foot in the actual student health center. I wasn’t one for getting sick all that often.
I was shocked that the building looked a lot like an actual hospital. Well it didn’t have an emergency room or anything like that, but it smelt just like the hospital that I was in not too long ago. The smell was actually somewhat comforting. I walked over to the front receptionist desk and failed completely at being an adult. Thank God the elderly lady just smiled and helped me through the process of scheduling an appointment. She handed me a clipboard with the typical questionnaire that hospitals give. Looking over the questionnaire the questions seemed easy; except for the few that made my heart begin to beat ten times harder.
7. Are you sexually active? Yes. (Even though it was only couple times)
8. How many sexual partner(s) have you had? One.
9. Have experienced a complete menstrual cycle? No. (Shit)
9a. If you are late how late have you been? Almost a month.
I handed the receptionist my questionnaire and headed back to where I was seating. I could feel her eyes looking at me. I wonder if she was thinking the same thing that I was. There’s no way I could be pregnant. I have been going through a lot of shit and my period was delayed due to my stress and anxiety levels. I was taken into a room no too long after I had turned in the questionnaire. The nurse ran through normal the normal blood pressure, hearing, and sight test. I paid close attention to my weight and I was surprised to see that I had lost five pounds since this summer. Everything seemed normal as the nurse lead me into the room where I was told to sit on the cot. My mind went back to the possibility of being pregnant. I couldn’t be. Liam was wearing protection. Actually I never asked if he did. Fucking shit. I mean how many people get pregnant off having sex like two times? It has to be little to none.
Once the door opened, I stopped my overthinking and smiled at the doctor entering the room. She looked pretty young to be a doctor. I couldn’t say she was no more than thirty-years-old. She had long chestnut brown hair that was perfectly wavy, big green eyes, and in front of them was a pair of black Ray Bans.
“Hello Ms. Rodriguez. I am Doctor McKinnon. How are you today” Doctor McKinnon asked.
"Hi. I am not feeling to well" I said shyly.
She sat in a chair across from me as she looked at the questionnaire, "I was looking over the questionnaire and you stated that your symptoms are extreme fatigue, nausea, severe headaches, as well as depression."
"Yeah I have felt this way since I got back from a trip I went on" I admitted.
"Where did you visit; if you don't mind me asking?"
"Um... London. My ex-boyfriend is from England and yeah..." I said the pain bubbling in my chest.
"Ah the dreaded ex-boyfriend. I can see why you would feel depressed. I know this is an awkward question, but did you two have sex while in London?"
"Yes we did" I gulped. I hadn't said that out loud to anyone not even Melissa.
"Did he use protection?" She asked taking notes.
"I-I don't remember" I stuttered on the verge of tears. How could I be so stupid?
"It's okay Rian. I don’t have the best memory and I am assuming it was a while ago. If you have been dealing with a break up I understand that it may be hard to go back and relive those moments. The only reason I am only asking this because a lot of your symptoms are that of pregnancy or the common flu. If you want we can take a blood test. It's would tell us for sure if your pregnant."
"How long does it take to get the results" I asked.
"About an hour to two hours tops. The test isn't the long part it's the other doctors in the lab getting to it" Dr. McKinnon smiled.
"Sure. I think I want to know" I said looking at her.
“Cool. Well I will send you off to the lab and once I get your results I will call you. Do you have any questions Rian?” Dr. McKinnon asked.
“Not that I can think of right now” I admitted trying to smile.
After getting my blood work done, I was free to go home of whatever it is that I wanted to do. Before leaving the student resource building, I picked up a traditional pregnancy test. The test couldn’t weigh more than a couple of ounces, but it felt like there was a brick in my backpack weighing it down. As I left the building the sky looked black and ominous. I would have taken the wolfline if it wasn’t that I wanted to have time to think about things.
I walked to my dorm and tried admiring the campus that I usually took for granite. Since it looked like it was about to rain the campus was pretty empty. I could remember days where Jordyn, Ashley and I would sit in the grass and study. Or the times that we would listen to music and enjoy life together. I couldn’t believe that the people who just a year ago meant so much to me almost took my life. I looked into the book store and saw Aiden and Melissa laughing. I missed being happy with them. I feel like I only make them feel worried when I am around.
After about ten minutes of walking, I saw Becton Hall. Oh thank God! My legs were burning and I was starving. My starvation was so bad that I could hear my stomach growling. One thing I loved especially about Becton Hall was that it was usually quiet; being that it was an honors village most of the students would stay in the common room studying than having wild parties. I was walking past the C-store when I decided a salad sounded delicious. I quickly grabbed a salad attempting to avoid the disgusting smell of pizza. As of lately the smell of pizza and all Italian food had made me want to vomit.
As I walked down the hall I could still smell that pungent smell of pizza. I knew I was seconds away from throwing up. I ran to the restroom and looked frantically for my keys. I was thankful that the community restroom was empty as I hurried into a stall and threw up. God I really hope this is just the flu. I gargled water and pulled out the home pregnancy test. Right now is the best time for me try it. I carefully pulled out the test and read over the directions numerous times; I wanted to be sure that I didn’t over read any instruction. With shaky hands I took the test, and then I waited for the longest, most excruciating five minutes of my life.
I was pacing back and forth until my phone's timer went off. My heart was pounding so strongly as the alarm went off. I quickly went to the sink that I had dropped the test in. I shakily picked up the test and took a deep breath.
"Well now's the moment of truth" I said. I looked at the test in my hands. There was only a line on the not pregnant part.
"Oh my god" I yelled cheering.
I was practically skipping down the hallway to my dorm. I hadn't felt this happy in quite a while. I opened the curtain in the dorm and there was another thunderstorm ragging the night sky. It was shockingly peaceful to stare at the angry clouds and guess which one would be the next one to strike. I was playing some soft ambient music in the background and quickly copying my classmate's notes. Hunter that's his name. He is really sweet for letting me copy those notes and I was pleasantly surprised that I could actually read his writing. I dressed my salad; which smelt so delicious. My phone began to ring as I was enjoying my grilled chicken salad with a lemon vinaigrette. I cheerfully answered my phone not looking at the caller id.
"Hello" I asked cheerfully.
"Hello is this Rian Rodriguez" the caller asked.
"This is her" I said before taking another bite of my salad.
"Rian this is Dr. McKinnon. So your test results came in and well... you are in fact pregnant. We are going to set you up with an OB/GYN appointment for this weekend. Do you have any questions?"
"Um... I just took an at home test that came back negative" I said my breathing becoming faster and faster. There's no fucking way.
"While that's rare it does happen. You may not be making enough of the pregnancy hormone for that test to pick up. Some test are more sensitive than others. Do you have any other questions sweetie" Dr. McKinnon asked quietly.
"No thank you though" I whispered my throat closing up on me.
"Have a good day Rian" Dr. McKinnon said before I hung up. I curled into a ball and began to sob. Why me?