I Hate Everything About You- Three Days Grace
After what seemed like an eternity of calling up radio station after radio station, we had finally finished with only one more to go. I took a deep sigh of relief, but that was until I looked at where we were calling. When I saw where the last radio station is located my heart and stomach dropped. Raleigh, North Carolina. Well shit. Louis nudged Harry and I knew exactly what he was thinking. What are the odds of Rian listening to this radio station? I tried not to roll my eyes. I wanted nothing more than to never talk about those horrendous months and to forget completely about Rian, but I had mates that wouldn't let that happen. Not to mention I have a song released on the new album that I wrote specifically for her and most likely we will perform it for the next year on our tour. As much as I hurt to say it, I have the slightest suspension that I will never be able to rid my life of Rian Rodriguez. All I have to say about is why me. I had dodged the Rian questions a lot.
It seemed that the interviewers and reporter finally stopped asking questions about her, but I wasn't that lucky. We hadn't been asked about "Better than Word" and I assumed I wouldn't be asked about it. I was pretty sure of this because it wasn't a single that we released, and it was one of the last songs on the album. Just like I had thought we had gone the entire day without so much a mutter of "Better than Words". That was until the radio station in the area of which Rian lives in asked that dreaded question. Honestly I felt like I was under attack. I didn't know how to respond so I only stated that the song was for Rian and Harry took care of the rest. Of course it would have been that radio station to ask such a stupid question.
Once the phone call ended I inhaled a massive sight of relief. I looked at Harry his green orbs meeting mine as I mouthed thank you. He quickly bobbed his head, but he didn't mutter a word. I could handle Harry's disappointment. Honestly I could even handle Niall's disappointment, but Louis was another story. I had felt a burning glare on the side of my face for quite some time, and surprise, surprise it was Louis. Lately this had been his resting face for me. His face was pinched up like he had just smelt something rotten or had seen the worst person imaginable. In Louis' eyes this was true. His eyes always had disapproval within them as well a glimmer of shame. I am not in the mood to play his games anymore. I needed to confront him about this.
"You know what Louis? I don't know what your problem is, mate?" I snapped looking at Louis
"You know what Liam I do have a problem, and it is with you. I am disgusted with the way you treated Rian. She had nothing to do with you being attacked and you're a fucking idiot if you think she did" Louis growled.
"It's none of your goddam business if I want to be with her or not. Last time I checked if I never met her and never got involved with her none of this shit would have happened to me" I yelled my throat clenching. No one understood what I went through. No one understands why I wish that I had never pick Rian that day.
"It's my business if you treat one of my friends like complete rubbish. Rian is a sweet girl. A sweet girl who loved you more than you deserved to be loved. Have you thought that maybe about how she feels? No, because you only care about your goddam self!"
"Louis you don't have the slightest clue how I feel. Every time I close my eyes I feel that torture. I hear that nasally voice telling me that I am going to die. You know what I wanted to die! I wanted him to kill me. You will never understand what I went through Louis" I yelled my eyes burning. I wanted to hold back my tears and come off as strong my the memories that were resurfacing were only making it hard.
"You know what Liam I don't know what you went through, but there is someone who does. Rian. She went through the same thing as you, but unlike you she has no one. You turned to us and your family. Rian doesn't have that. Those were her supposed best friends and she has no family. That's why I am disgusted with you. Even if you don't want to be with her, you left her alone. You left her to deal with this all on her own" Louis argued.
"If you feel so sorry for her than why don't you call her? Am I right Harry" I asked looking at Harry. His greens orbs met mine yet again and looked down at the ground.
It was obvious that no one except Zayn could relate to me right now. Harry didn’t want to get in the middle. Niall was disappointed in me. And then there was Louis who was pissed at the way I broke it off with Rian. Every time I talked to my mum or sisters they asked if I had called Rian. My mum told me that we should at least talk, but what was there to talk about. What was done is done, and I have nothing to say.
What I haven’t told anyone is that I was worried that if I talk to Rian again I might fall in love with her again. As of right now, I was convinced that I no longer had feelings for her, but I didn’t have to see those eyes that I at one point loved so much. Although I was tired. I was tired of being asked about Rian from fans, reporter, and everyone. I wish I could scream to them that I don’t want to talk about it, but I couldn’t. A lot of the times Zayn or Harry would answer for me. When Zayn answered one could feel the anger that he felt towards her, whereas Harry was neutral and made it very clear in interviews. I was surprised the Louis was able to bite his tongue, but who knows how much longer that might last.
I felt this fire bubbling in my chest as I snapped, "You know what I am done with this".
I ran out of the room and headed towards my car. I was done with their constant judgment. I knew I needed some time alone, so I drove off towards my house. I turned off my phone and sped home. I didn’t want to talk to anyone for a couple of days. Midway of heading towards my flat I realised that what I wanted was to go home. I needed to go to Wolverhampton. Maybe it would help me with feeling better. There was nothing that sounded more appealing than sleeping in my old bedroom. It would feel like I am going to back to life before One Direction and I needed that.