Me, Myself, and I are broken.

This is completely true its actually about me, that sounds conceded but don't take it that way. I hope you enjoy it!

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1. Knowing me/ Intro

Hai my name is Grace Anne Luster. I was born in Lopatcong, New Jersey but currently live in Washington, New Jersey. I also currently attend Warren Hills Regional Middle School. I moved when I was about six, I lost all my friendships and some close bonds with family. I am currently 13 turning 14 on August 6, so close but so far away. I am a huge fan of 5 seconds of summer, I can't say I am their number 1 because I don't stalk them and I've only seen them in concert once. They are still a huge part of my life and put a smile on my face everyday, not a smile like the ones I fake but an actually smile that makes my heart slightly less dead and black. I also like one direction, Halsey, blink-182, sleeping with sirens, falling in reverse, all time low, Arianna Grande, green day, maroon 5, Melanie Martinez, pierce the veil, Selena Gomez, rixton, Shawn Mendes, tove lo, the weeknd, and some classics. I listen to a lot of bands and singers I just didn't want to have a never ending list in this first chapter/entry thing. I would love to all of these amazing artist in concert a million times but I am only a 13 year old girl with parents who make a decent amount of money, just not that decent. This summer I am going to see 5 seconds of summer again at Hershey Park Stadium. Last summer on August 29th I saw my first concert, 5 seconds of summer, at Hershey Park Stadium. We had a 4 day camping trip at the Hershey park campsite. The day before the concert we had ordered tickets to Hershey Park, long story short my dumbass brother got arrested for attempted theft. I remember telling him if I didn't see 5 seconds of summer I would be arrested for murder, I had been waiting since the band started to see them in concert I wasn't missing that. As always my parents bailed him out. On the shuttle bus back to the campground, my friend and her family which are basically my family had came too, tried to comfort me while I balled my eyes out wondering why I had such a broken family. I know it's technically not broken because my parents aren't divorced and still provide me with all my necessities, but all the time my parent speak of divorce and yell at me for no logical reason. I haven't even gotten to the good, important parts about me. Well might as well just dive into it. I've been depressed for a long time, I didn't put a label to what was wrong with me until last year, when the deeper suicide thoughts kicked in. My friend that had gone on the trip with me, Julia Stiles, had told our guidance councilor what I had told her to tell no one. That I was going to kill myself because I was tired of smiling when I didn't want to and always being sad, angry or just numb, that the only thing that truly made me happy was a group of 4 boys who would never know me, nor would they ever care. Multiple guidance councilors had been in a room, when they called me down. It was practically an intervention, they had asked what was wrong and they explained how they thought I was happy because they always saw me smiling around the school. Reminding you I was a seventh grader, I turned my head to my normal councilor while looking her dead in the eyes with a plain face I said simple I'm useless and want to die. I stared to the floor and explained how no one cared and that the only ones that mattered were out of my reach and how my heart was non-existent. Through my inside flaws to my outside flaws the councilor sat amused with how much detail was in my upsetting words. They gave me another councilor, they didn't tell my parents about anything. It was about a moth later. From around April to March, I was sitting in my room headphones in my ears IPhone 5c in my hand drowning out my cries, when my best friends mom barged into my room. It was normal because she's practically my second mom, but her eyes were teary and she looked she was about to hysterically cry. She asked me what was wrong and why she wasn't seeing me as often anymore, since I would normally be at her house everyday for the time I wasn't in school. we discussed how the boys from 5sos were my strength and music in general too, we discussed how my family would always ignore me but I finally did something about it by rarely leaving my room other than for school, the bathroom, and some food. We spoke of how, I wasn't happy with myself, my body. that I would only eat a granola bar a day and like drink a lot of water to keep myself okay. We took a drive while listening to 5 seconds of summer on the aux cord to belvedere and got my favorite food, pizza, we got Starbucks too because of my obsession with the two things. When we got back she brought me to her house it was only 4:30 ish so I hung out with Julia until 9:00. That night my mom picked me up because I didn't want to walk, and Selena Julia's mom told my mom everything we spoke of, when we got home my mom went to her room and cried. I felt sorry but went to my room. Skip to July, the thoughts got more dramatic and I wrote fat on my arms, legs, and stomach. I began cutting, only on my left arm though. Now it's November and I still cut myself except a lot of people know I do. I underage drink all the time to ease the pain and sometimes spare my boredom. I'll update sometime this week love you all xx

~Grace

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